So I was watching Jormungand, trying to catch up on the series for my season 2 reviews. Turns out deciding to watch it from Funimation wasn’t the best of ideas.
How Do I Watched Anime?
Finding out how to watch simulcasts on Funimation is a fucking process.
2. Click Simulcast under the Videos menu http://www.funimation.com/videos/simulcast
3. Find the series you want to watch. http://www.funimation.com/jormungand/videos
4. Try to click on the episode you want to watch, then realize that clicking on the fucking video thumbnail won’t take you to the fucking show. No, you need to click the fucking link beneath it that looks more like episode information than an actual link.
5. Flip the fuck out because Funi won’t let you watch the show.
6. Make a fucking Funimation account because maybe that’ll work.
7. Log in, cross fingers.
Well, okay. I suppose if this was a one-time thing, I can deal. Just so long as I don’t have to deal with ads and stupidity.
Ads and Stupidity
So we start off with 30 seconds’ worth of ads. Okay, I can deal with that to watch some anime. Looks like their marketers are drinking some kind of kool-aid though, because they actually think I’m going to tweet this ad and say it’s relevant to me.
(Yeah, keep arguing that B-tier business school was so selective, you washed-up cunts.)
After the ads I was ready to start my fun, but what’s this?
In case you’re trying to figure out what the singer was saying, she’s saying “Eenie meeny, miny, moe” in English.
Anyway, the OP finished playing and then I ran into another set of ads.
90 seconds, great. All in all, it’s about 4 minutes’ worth of ads to watch this show. Yuck.
After I finished the show, I tried to watch the next episode and got this:
What a great experience. This makes me want to watch more of this show from Funimation.com and not go out and download the series instead.
History Repeats Itself
For those of you who don’t remember Funi’s failed attempt at streaming on NicoNico, Funimation entered into a joint venture with NicoNico for simulcasts. It was 25 cents for a two-season pass, so I bought in. Ended up watching Last Exile – Fam on it (if you remember, SFWhine subbed the show) where each episode maxed out at 200 views. For those of you new to the internet, that’s really bad.
So quite obviously, the venture crashed and burned. They canceled their partnership, the links are all dead, and nothing was ever heard of the venture again (not even for us saps who put 25 cents into this fucking project).
For more information, have some CrunchyRoll gloating.
Why does this matter? Well, it doesn’t seem like their attempt at streaming on Hulu.com is working any better.
Numbers ‘n Shit
It’s been about 7 months since the episode I watched aired, and this is how well it’s done on social media:
And here’s an episode from season 2, so you can’t blame it on being a new/unknown streaming service.
Remember that this is an exclusive simulcast. I don’t have access to how many actual hits these episodes got, but I can assure you the numbers must be dismal if they were only able to persuade one twittard to like each ep. Who wants to bet it was a Funi staff member who tweeted both times?
For comparison, this is what the latest episode of Lychee Light Club got on Crunchyroll:
If you’ve even heard of this series, you probably ignored it or watched the first episode and dropped it because it was so shit. Yet somehow it managed to significantly outdo Funi’s Jormungand. Hilariously pathetic.
All in all, stop sucking shit, Funi. If you don’t develop some robust streaming offerings, Crunchyroll will have absolutely no competition at all. And from what we’ve seen of this season (CR’s 13 licensed shows), that’s not terribly good for anyone. Competition’s good, but you’re shit competition, Funi. Step it the fuck up.