Galaxy S6 Edge Review

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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Yeah, I did say I’d do the Spring 2015 previews next, but I’m not exactly a reliable narrator.

S6 Edge with shitty mspaint orange background
Phone (c) Samsung, background (c) me x MS Paint

If you’re not familiar with whatever the fuck a Galaxy S6 Edge is, it’s a smartphone with a curved screen. And uhh… that’s about its only defining feature.

 

Turning Heads, Breaking Necks

By the very nature of a curved screen, applications will cascade over the sides of the phone. Unfortunately, this means that in order to actually see what’s on those edges, you’re gonna have to turn your phone or your neck.

denpa shiny
Shaft, setting impossible standards for head tilts.

It’s extremely disorienting, but more importantly it’s antithetical to the promise of laziness that phones provide. At most, I only ever want to move my thumb. Who the fuck is Samsung to put me in a workout program?

 

Closed Design, Worst Design

gogogo

Because Samsung is racist against me, the entire phone is locked down tighter than a chastity belt. I doubt many would care about this, since it mostly just means you can’t change out your battery or internal memory on your own…

But when you fuck up and get your shitty fucking SIM card stuck in the SIM slot before realizing it was supposed to be slotted in a goddamn SIM card holder and have to spend 10 minutes trying to pry it out with fucking bobby pins and duct tape, only to end up with a scratched-to-hell SIM card and a sinking feeling about what you just did to the device’s internals… Yes. Then you might care.

 

3 > 2

S5: USB 3.0

S6: USB 2.0

Did you think I wouldn't notice?
Did you think I wouldn’t notice?

 

Dining on Dinero

MSRP for the Edge at 128 GB is $960. Sure, I can afford it, but I might have to eat at Qdoba or Willy’s instead of Chipotle for a couple meals to balance my books. And, really, is there anything worth that cost?

chibi tears
No. No there isn’t.

 

Consumerism 101

Nope. Bring on the S7.
Nope. Bring on the S7.

20 thoughts on “Galaxy S6 Edge Review”

  1. Should have went for Sony’s Xperia line of phones.

    Sony > Samsung

    when it comes to phone specs.

    Oh, and I need some advice from you, Sage. It’d be great if let me know when you pop up on IRC each day.

    Reply
    • Hasn’t Sony gone bankrupt yet? Also, I’m up, and have been since I got back to my hotel room and looked in the mirror.

      Reply
        • All Sony stores in Canada was closed down a month or two ago because of the following reasons:

          1. No PR
          2. No discount sales
          3. No flyers
          4. No TV commercials

          Which is why they did horribly and was forced to close down all stores.

          ——————————

          On to my phone, the Xperia Z3.

          The Z3 is the most high spec phone of the Market. The upcoming Z4 will have slightly improved specs but it’s not going to be anything major.

          The Z2 and Z3 is very similar in specs with the Z3 have PS4 support and few other hardware and software upgrades.

          The Z3 has a 20.7mb camera and has 16:9 and 4k support. Its video camera is able to capture video at 4k with the side effect of over heating. In most cases, you can only video record in 4k up to 5 minutes before your phone turns off the app due to over heating.

          The Z3 has a hyper battery saving mode in which a full charge under battery saving can increase battery life from the typical 2 days to 5-10 days.

          Charge times is quite fast as it charges within 1 to 2 hours.

          Software upgrades include state of the art, priority camera software embedded into the hardware itself. Due to the nature of software, unlocking your phone will permanently delete the DRM keys that makes the Z3 so unique from other phones on the market.

          The Camera sofware is packed with dozens of interconnected apps that will upgrade your experience with the phone.

          Photos are very crisp in most cases and very HD.

          Did I mention my phone costs $650 ($50 off during Xmas sale)? Your phone is $900 which is fucking ridiculous, Sage. You got ripped off. Did you even do your research??

          Other apps are Sony exclusive including the ability to stream PS3 and PS4 games onto your phone so long as your console is turned on. The ability to type in emoji and etc are built in, and Japanese support is built in, obviously.

          The phone has microSD support for up to 128GB or 64GB?

          CPU is 4GB and GPU is the latest Qualcomm Snap Dragon chipset.

          Stereo audio is top of the line crystal clear quality with the help of drivers pre-installed on the phone.

          The phone also has the ability to charge wirelessly.

          Front facing camera is 5 mega pixels.

          Xperia Z3 has huge developer support. Sony made a website made specifically for developing.

          Hacking scene is also very popular with the Xperia Z line up.

          ——————————

          DOWNSIDES:

          Before you root your phone, you must unlock bootloader as it is locked by default,

          Unlocking bootloader will perma delete your DRM keys that are basically drivers for a lot of the Sony apps on your phone.

          Deletion of the DRM keys will degrade your phone’s capabilities significantly. For example, camera and audio will be degraded.

          In order to preserve those DRM keys, you can back them up via hacks.

          Sony provided a windows software that can make the phone backwards compatible.

          Backwards compatible = exploits in older OS updates which means you can root your phone without unlocking bootloader.

          There’s my short overview of the Z3. I will provide a more detailed report for Crymore if you want, Sage.

          I want to make articles for your site.

          Reply
          • Not sure if serious, but…

            >The Z3 is the most high spec phone of the Market. The upcoming Z4 will have slightly improved specs but it’s not going to be anything major.
            Nope. As of now, that title goes to Samsung’s Galaxy S6 and HTC’s One M9. I kinda agree with your second statement, though.

            > you can only video record in 4k up to 5 minutes before your phone turns off the app due to over heating.
            This is kinda common for all Android phones that support 4K video recording.

            >The Z3 has a hyper battery saving mode in which a full charge under battery saving can increase battery life from the typical 2 days to 5-10 days.
            dat battery life <3 I really dig what Sony's done with the Z3 battery-wise.

            }Charge times is quite fast as it charges within 1 to 2 hours.
            lol, no. Its 3100 mAh takes up to 2:45 – 3:00 hours to be fully charged using its OEM charger. Sometimes even more.

            >Did I mention my phone costs $650 ($50 off during Xmas sale)? Your phone is $900 which is fucking ridiculous, Sage. You got ripped off. Did you even do your research??
            You both got robbed. That phone released with 6-7 month-old chipset. Considering that fact in mind, its MSRP price should have been lower.

            >Other apps are Sony exclusive including the ability to stream PS3 and PS4 games onto your phone so long as your console is turned on.
            I might not recommend it, but provided it's running Android 4.0+, you can port the feature to any Android phone of your choice. ANY. ANDROID. PHONE. OF. YOUR. CHOICE.

            >The phone has microSD support for up to 128GB or 64GB?
            128GB.

            >CPU is 4GB and GPU is the latest Qualcomm Snap Dragon chipset.
            CPU is 2.5 GHz. Not entirely sure where the 4GB comes from. Addendum: GPU is not their latest + RAM is 3GB.

            >The phone also has the ability to charge wirelessly.
            Not natively,though. You need a special cover (bought separately) for it to support charging wirelessly.

            Plus, I don't see you addressing its IP68 certification!

            Conclusion:
            Dark-Sage, this guy has potential(s)! Let him make articles for your site.

            Reply
            • Listen mate. The information I provided is stuff I got off my head. Sorry for false information, but it’s okay to a certain degree.

              If I were to write articles for Crymore, I’d research my topic before pressing the submit button.

              Reply
  2. I was wondering who was sucker enough to pay an extra $100 for a feature that’s going to be supported by barely any developers and cause folks to accidentally touch something on-screen all the time.

    Reply
  3. People complaining about non-Nexus Android devices being shit is old news since 2009. You should have done a bq Aquaris E4.5 “drop test” instead and claim that it was the Ubuntu Edition. That would have attracted more attention. Additional points for not publishing on YouTube but as a podcast using podlove tools just to piss off everyone. ;)

    Reply

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