Under the Dog: How to Get Fucked Like a Bitch

Anime Opinions, Article — By on August 3, 2016 2:27 am

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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This kills the anime.

For those of you just joining us, back in 2014 I wrote an article about an anime kickstarter for a series called “Under the Dog”. In it, I praised the UTD team for their superb professionalism, realistic & laudable goals, and their clear vision for success.

 

Rather than throw another standard review your way, I thought I’d give ya the full Under the Dog experience in this post. Buckle up, it’s about to get knotty.

 

 

Under the Dog OVA Play-by-Play

Part 1 – Introduction

UnderTheDog

Spoiler:

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_00.07_[2016.08.03_00.08.39]

The OVA starts off with an image of a shovel-faced man getting a suntan. No reason is given, which just adds to the show’s 2D depth.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_00.17_[2016.08.03_00.10.21]

With a scene jump to “the near future”, we are introduced to a girl who spends most of her time communicating with tea. Apparently awkward is the new dog whistle for Autistic.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_01.18_[2016.08.03_00.12.57]

In a park, a green-garbed man grabs his arm before the show cuts to a train platform that soon the average UTD viewer will want to jump off of. The show has enough jump cuts to make an epileptic flop like a dying fish.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_01.47_[2016.08.03_00.17.34]

As tea-chan waxes poetic, we are given a cameo of two side characters from Gunslinger Girl. Cuz why? Cuz who the fuck cares.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_02.38_[2016.08.03_00.19.54]

Our silent protagonist struggles with blowing her brains out at this point. It’s already been three minutes and nothing has happened other than spastic scene changes that would put Evangelion to shame. She sees the writing on the wall and intends to add her name beside it.

With the pull of a trigger, we are introduced to the show’s stupid title.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_02.49_[2016.08.03_00.23.15]

But as her misery ends, ours is just about to begin.

 

Part 2 – Wait, what?

I ran out of Under the Dog fanart, so I'm gonna post Pokemon Go pics for the rest of the sections.

I ran out of Under the Dog fanart, so I’m gonna post Pokemon Go pics for the rest of the sections.

Spoiler:

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_02.54_[2016.08.03_00.26.57]

As the episode begins for real, tea-chan shows back up from the dead. Or maybe she pussed out like every other attention whoring wrist slitter. Guess where I’m putting my money.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_03.15_[2016.08.03_00.28.11]

There is also a traffic jam. I don’t know why.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_03.26_[2016.08.03_00.29.02]

Switch back to the classroom and we get introduced to tea-chan’s thirsty teacher. Seems like the kind of guy who would grab himself at a park… Perhaps he’s the creeper from the introduction?

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_04.04_[2016.08.03_00.30.59]

Oh, never mind. I was expecting the show to be capable of foreshadowing. Teacher-sensei is just a pedophile, not a dirty arm grabber.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_04.26_[2016.08.03_00.33.01]

Calling tea-chan using psychoautism, the true griplord informs her of a task she must complete. Tea-chan blushes furiously — apparently it’s something lewd.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_06.19_[2016.08.03_00.37.54]

Griplord is then killed by the US Military for obvious reasons.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_07.05_[2016.08.03_00.41.11]

Tea-chan senses his death, which really turns her on (I’m starting to like this chick). But as we’re about to see some hot Vita rubbing action, we get quantum leap’d to some other bullshit.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_07.22_[2016.08.03_00.42.04]

In a poorly lit room, hackers are monitoring the situation because of course they are. This is why you put tape over your webcams, kids.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_08.28_[2016.08.03_00.45.26]

Something called pandralization is revealed to be relevant to the plot somehow. I dunno, I sorta tuned out and started thinking about how Whine-Subs should really finish Freezing.

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So, at this point I started thinking a bit too much about Freezing and realized I hadn’t fapped to anything in the past 10 minutes. So I brought up sankakucomplex’s booru and figured I’d check out some classic oppaizuri. But then I saw there was a new saltyicecream gif and… holy shit Yoruichi is almost enough to make Bleach worth it, goddamn.

Anyway, yeah, pause point while I clean myself off. Also, enjoy the arbitrary tense switches.

 

Part 3 – I need a shower

Specifically, Candela fanart.

Specifically, Candela fanart.

Spoiler:

…So I took a shower. Literally.

Z0ro

Me IRL

Like, I don’t want to get into details but when salty throws out a new gif, my dick turns into a goddamn groin geyser. It’s basically Yellowstone, but impressive. This shit should be a national monument.

Anyway, 10 minutes of the episode passed while I was cleaning off my shame, and I’m not really sure what happened, though I can guess it involved scene jumps.

 

Part 4 – Lesbian murder simulator

HOLYSHITMARRYMECANDELA

Cuz Team Valor is best team.

Spoiler:

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_20.01_[2016.08.03_01.17.40]

tea-chan is about to get sniped by a True Patriot, and I’m going to bet she did something in the previous 10 minutes to deserve it.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_20.10_[2016.08.03_01.20.29]

Enter the cameo girl who proceeds to decimate every American in the name of okonomiyaki or something. (Hey, you fucks signed that agreement for the base, don’t blame us.)

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_20.36_[2016.08.03_01.22.20]

Mecha: launch.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_21.28_[2016.08.03_01.23.44]

Americans: BTFO.

;_;

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_22.17_[2016.08.03_01.28.37]

Shovel face from the opening proceeds to enter the scene. That wasn’t a tanning bed they were on — it was a gender assignment chamber!

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_22.22_[2016.08.03_01.30.08]

As our ghost in the shell looks at tea-chan, she determines that no, tea-chan cannot “still do this”…

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_23.06_[2016.08.03_01.31.03]

…and thanks tea-chan for her service with a bullet.

Also, this whole scene is super sexual, which normally would get me going, but I told you about Yoruichi, right? Well not even Goku can unleash two spirit bombs in a row, so how about you get off my case, all right?

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_23.30_[2016.08.03_01.36.41]

In the meantime, tea-chan’s family is assassinated,

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_24.00_[2016.08.03_01.38.06]

and a fucking alien pops up out of nowhere?

 

Part 5 – Is it over, yet?

And Candela best waifu.

And Candela best waifu.

Spoiler:

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_24.06_[2016.08.03_01.39.54]

Alien-kun attacks the US Forces and defeats them easily. I think this is some kind of metaphor?

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_24.46_[2016.08.03_01.40.58]

Meanwhile The Major’s running up some stairs to… fuck, I dunno, jump off a building and punch the alien in mid-air?

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_24.48_[2016.08.03_01.42.23]

Dammit, I forgot this show was boring.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_25.19_[2016.08.03_01.43.31]

There’s a flashy fight that would be exciting if I cared.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_26.00_[2016.08.03_01.44.48]

Kusanagi’s clothes get torn off and she gets infected with Zika or something. I’d show you the nips but I’m trying to keep Crymore worksafe so I don’t get banned from any more schools than I already am.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_27.15_[2016.08.03_01.49.34]

Alien-kun dies, only to have it turn out that mankind was the real alien all along. What a fucking twist.

[DameDesuYo] Under the Dog - 00 (1280x720 10bit AAC) [A9A1E388].mkv_snapshot_28.34_[2016.08.03_01.50.50]

Roll eyes. Roll credits. But whatever you do, don’t roll Under the Dog.

 

 

Final Score

Flowery

Spoiler:
I’ll give it a 7/10 cuz at least it gave me something to fap to, if unintentionally. Speaking of, I think my battery recharged, so I’ll be catching y’all later. o/


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5 Comments

illm says:

but did it save anime??

Qrius says:

It’s been two years since that post? Damn.

moozooh says:

I lost my shit at “gender assignment chamber”. Good review.

(Review some fansubs/officialsubs, please. There are something like three or four groups doing 91 Days, for instance.)

Pat says:

This was quite decent actually. TV series when…

mun says:

good write up, I almost watched this garbage but I can put that time towards some more hentai

cheers ds

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