It has now come to a point where most of the people who are editing or QCing my scripts are basically these guys.
This post has been in the works for quite a long time, but what pushed me over the edge is the fact that this week, somebody editing a script I sent over to Digital Manga Guild for some walkaround money basically re-edited a line to something that is completely wrong, saw that her edit made no sense, then accused me of doing a mistranslation.
Anyhoo, like I said, the only people I’m getting who are editing and/or QCing my scripts are a bunch of FOBs who only know enough English to pass a TOEIC or TOEFL so that they may darken the doors of our many fine college campuses in the near future. I even had an editor who admitted that he refuses to watch our barbarian Hollywood movies and TV shows or read an American novel because, well, he was too much of a proud, Indonesian islamic. So when it comes to finding basic grammar errors and whatnot, they’re fucking great. But they then go over and beyond what is required of them and try to change a bunch of my lines because I used slightly unorthodox (in their narrow minds) words or phrasings, so much so that they constantly get on my last nerves. Every time I read a QC report or look over my “edited” scripts, I feel like I’ve entered Bizarro World.
However, when it comes to these willfully pig-ignorant sons of bitches, it’s damn near impossible to explain to them how much of a cancer they are to the fansubban business if they are completely blind to the obvious. It’ll be like trying to explain the colors of the rainbow to damn cavefish.
So instead, I’m going to show you wastes of space what’ll happen if your brand of malignancy manages to infect another area of the entertainment industry, namely Hollywood movies.
For this first outing, I picked Clueless just because I read a post by a FOB somewhere complaining about how my scripts used too many mid-90’s slang for an anime that was made in (wait for it) the mid-90’s. For each line of dialogue I selected from the movie, I will add comments that I would typically get from the various editors and QCers throughout my fansubbing career.
Wait a minute, what did I just read? “Loqued-out”? What’s thaat? Which one of you is the mailman?
(To be fair, it’s supposed to be “loc’ed out”)
It’s supposed to be “learn with.” Nobody learns “on” anything, it doesn’t even make sense. Do you even speak English?
Girls don’t say “dude.” I know, I spoke to two of them last week.
It’s supposed to be “he was all,” stop mixing tenses!
“Jeeping”? That doesn’t make sense. Can we replace the word with something easier like “cheating”?
“Audi”? Isn’t that the name of a car? I’m confused, it’s all weird and scary to me.
That “just” is unnecessary. Using “just” as a crutch is a sign of bad writing.
“Classic”? What does that even mean here?
A “Betty”? What the hell is that? I’ve never heard any of my three friends use that word before, so it can’t be something people actually say.
“Groovy”? Are we in the seventies now? Hurrhurr.
The word “maudlin” is too advanced for a blonde high-school girl. Dumb it down.
“Ducats”? There is no high-school girl alive who would ever use that word.
“Boink fest” is too slangy and out of place. Try “lots of sex” instead.
The proper term is “objection.” Haven’t you ever played Ace Attorney?
That’s a wordy and awkward way of saying she has a period.
First of all, “You guys want?” is NOT a complete sentence. It’s supposed to be “Do you guys want some?” Second of all, she’s speaking to GIRLS not boys, so she’s supposed to say “Do you girls want some?”
Same as above, “Describe,” is NOT a complete sentence. Humans speak in complete sentences, so change that to “Describe him.”
“Loadies” WTF is a “loadie”? Can I haz a TLC?
“Don’t feel nothing like”… doesn’t that mean that her buns DO feel like steel?
(Yes, I’ve had QCs who really should know better who couldn’t wrap their heads around the concept of double negatives)
“Kvelling”? TLC plox.
This sentence is very awkward engrish. It is literally ass backwards. Please replace with “Why did you ruin my satin shoes?”
“Rationed”? Oh no, no, no. Not in my script. “Are you FREE this weekend.”
Isn’t it supposed to be “Got AN ulcer”? Lrn2English
Outfits don’t look capable. Change to something else like, “I want to look very capable.”
You mean “WHY does that matter?”
Plaguing? How could something plague someone, and in what way?
Nobody says “anyways,” you’re supposed to say “anyway.”
Are we even watching the same thing? Cher was walking back and forth in front of the office, she was not dancing. TLC please.
Anyway(s), TL;DR, I hope I got the point across. You might not agree with Amy Heckerling’s script decisions, but I would much rather watch her version than whatever bastardized version you so-called editors and QCers manage to come up with.