Aniblog 2014: [Day 106] Reviews Bracket: Round 1, Part 1/4

Aniblog — By on January 15, 2014 10:37 pm

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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Ah, review blogs. My favorites.

Reviews Bracket

Unlike the other brackets, only review blogs that can crack a certain threshold of votes will move on. This means that more than 2 blogs can move on per round, or fewer.

What a plot twist!

What a plot twist!



Round 1 – Match 1



DubSub Anime Reviews –


Michael apparently wishes it was still the Geocities era, given by how he set the site up.

Blinded by failure

Blinded by failure

The review format is synopsis followed by pros/cons and then the actual review bit. Not that I’d suggest checking any of the reviews to see if I’m being honest.

See, this guy legitimately thinks the only way an anime can be good is if he can masturbate to it easily. Here are some examples of series pros and cons I grabbed over a couple of his reviews:

Pros: Lots of fan-service, Chocolate and Tira transform into two hot girls, OVA episodes turn up the ecchi content and are very naughty

Cons: crazy-looking character designs with a lot of dudes running around without shirts on, practically zero fan-service

There’s no sense of self-parody there; just the sense that you’re reading the blog of a registered sex offender. Combine that with the ridiculously redundant writing and it’s not even worth visiting the site to laugh at it.

Stay away.



ZakuAbumi’s Anime Blog –


Zaku just does not understand the blog format. Listen up, Zaku: the Add Media button exists for a reason. Throw some fucking images into your posts.

If you tell me a show is “actually well-animated” or “everything is filled with fucking patterns. Sometimes only parts of the screen though.”, I want to see some evidence. Descriptions only go so far.

They also break up the monotony of text, allowing readers a breather before going back in for more literacy.

They also break up the monotony of text, allowing readers a breather before going back in for more.

The episodic reviews here aren’t bad (ignoring the lack of visuals), but they aren’t good either. They just exist. But with the hundreds of anime blogs out there (most dead or inactive, but play along), just existing isn’t enough.

Saving Zaku from the depths of mediocrity are his editorial posts. Reading about the German anime fandom isn’t something you can find many other places (well, in English, that is). Unfortunately, the editorials tend to suffer from the same fate the reviews do: once you look away from the walls of text, you have little incentive to put the effort into finding your place where you left off.

Cut the fluff and add some fluffy pics, Zaku. It’ll do you well.



Toxic Muffin –


This guy tries so hard to be funny, you can’t help but cringe. Check out this comedic work from his Top 10 Shows of 2013 list, where instead of listing shows he liked, he lists those he doesn’t.

“Sometimes, anime creators like to experiment. Dog and Scissors was one of those anime.

It was revolutionary because it complimented the main story of a boy turning into a dog with small boob jokes and psychotic tsunderes.

A truly groundbreaking work.”

Of course, Reiseng wasn’t actually smart enough to come up with the concept of sarcasm by himself. He had help!

“Okay, silly “BAD” anime ranking over. I totally stole the idea to do this bait & switch from my main man J.”

Pretty silly, man!

Pretty silly, man!

But as funny as that was, the main draw of the site is Reiseng’s “Weekly Shonen” posts, where he recaps the latest events from Bleach, One Piece, and Naruto.

To set himself apart from those series’ wikis, he provides valuable commentary for readers.

“I have no idea what Jugram’s power is but it is something difficult to understand. Tipping the scales, huh. Balance, huh. I sort of get what he is saying but I have no idea why he is saying it. I guess, it is just more Bleach logic.”

And with commentary like that, who wouldn’t want to visit the site? (TL Note: I was being sarcastic there. Please excuse my silliness.)



Lobster Quadrille –



If you think I’m above picking on a retard, you’re wrong.

Reviews on this site last a paragraph, with the bulk of the review format being taken up by warnings about Violence, Sexuality, and Non-Christian Religions. Though he does freak out about anything that’s blasphemous to his view of Christianity, he at least doesn’t explicitly let it affect his scores (he gave Eva 1.0 a 10/10). No, what does affect his scores is his exquisitely shitty taste.

I didn’t much care for this one. I’m not much into stories where there seem to be no heroes.  The members of the Black Lagoon are mercenaries who work for whoever will pay them, and have no qualms about what they do. For this reason, I could not enjoy the series.  However, I did enjoy the banter between Rock and Revi, the main focus of the story. Rock was an idealist who tried his best not to let the underground horror he was experiencing taint him and Revi is his polar opposite.  It was fun to watch them interact.  Sadly, neither of these were enough to save it from the low rating.  I can’t really recommend this one.

I don’t necessarily care if I agree with a writer’s opinion when I’m reading a review (unless I’m going in blind and already trust the reviewer); I’m looking to see if he or she has anything worth saying. But the juvenile thoughts on this blog really aren’t worth listening to.

Shows without heroes aren’t worth watching? Convince me, then. Just throwing it out there and acting like it’s perfectly reasonable and needs no clarification does not help me as a reader.





Round 1 – Match 2



Entravity –


Due to this notice I’m moving Entravity to the back of the reviews bracket. (The Update post has been updated accordingly.)

tl;dr: The author basically said all of his prior posts sucked ass and that he owes it to his readers to do better (he’s right). Since he only wrote the post a few days ago, it makes sense for me to kick him to the end of round 1, so we can see what he considers “better” posts.



Anime Mage –


Anime Mage cast Literacy. It failed.

“How can we have a race of alien cats without having an opposing faction of alien dog’s who have already gotten their claws into earth (and I’m not sorry for the pun). So this allows for some government conspiracies but from the serious side we also have the more humourers opposing factions who want to stop mankind from making official alien contact with these human looking cat aliens because basically its not what they expected alien’s to look like (almost like a cult).”

That’s just one of the many fabulous quotes from Mike’s review of Cat Planet Cuties. Also included in the review was this fantastic image:


It’s beautiful, isn’t it?

If you’re hoping for anything different on the site from the Cat Planet review, you’re out of luck. Mike has the mental faculties of an underdeveloped radish and the eyesight of a spoon.

Supposing you wish to keep your brain and eyes intact, it’s best not to dig too deep into this cancer litterbox.



Isn’t it Electrifying? –


When people have to use the Archives to navigate for articles, your site is broken.

Guess which article is the newest one. Cuz I certainly couldn't.

Guess which article is the newest one. Cuz I certainly couldn’t.

But the site is saved by intriguing writing. I only had to get two articles in to see these guys (well ille, at least) know what they’re talking about.

Pupa review:

Episodic analysis of Noragami:

While there may be slip-ups in the writing every now and then, I do think it’s worth your time to at least check out what this site is going for with its posts.

I just wish the front page wasn’t so goddamn hideous.



Fantastic Memes –


I think you can get through this one without any of my commentary.

Here’s a fanfic froggykun wrote:

And here are some of the images you will find on this blog:

I fucking hate anime fans holy shit

I hate reddit so much holy fuck







Round 1 – Match 3



Meeping Anime –


Author breakdown time.


8 whole sentences for this episodic review. Pushing the envelope a bit much there, don’t ya think, Alex?


Lucy thinks…ellipses are used…when you…breathe while typing. Lucy… is stupid.



For what it’s worth, these two are actually decent enough, for episodic writers.

Thing is, it’s actually not worth a lot. There needs to be something that screams “read this site over others” or people won’t. And this site doesn’t currently have anything like that.



A Product of Wasted Time –


One paragraph of summary and one paragraph of reaction are all that make up this blog’s manga chapter reviews. Neither are worth the 30-second time investment it takes to read them, though.

The anime episodic reviews fare slightly better, sometimes involving three whole paragraphs of summary! You still only get one paragraph of reaction, but considering the quality, you’re better off skipping it. (Naruto manga spoilers, not that you wouldn’t have seen them coming 4 years ago.)

“Madara is back to life and looks impressive as expected. He doesn’t his eyes back, but that’s still more than enough to handle Sasuke, Hashirama and Naruto for the time being. Obito is not out of the game either as Black Zetsu has him under control, and it’s probably up to Kakashi and Minato to finish Obito off. It’ll be interesting to see what Madara is going to do to tame the tailed beasts when he doesn’t have his haXX0r eyes. Wait… he’ll probably use Hashirama’s equally haXX0r wood powers.”

Wasted time, indeed.



Yuri Reviews and More –


As the title implies, what you’re getting on this site is reviews of anime and manga with at least a yuri subtext.

Now this is what I’m talking about when I said Meeping didn’t have a reason for people to visit it. Yuri Reviews does; it’s a niche blog with a very clear audience that will appreciate what they’re going for.

That being said, the writing is rather subpar. About all you should expect from anything posted here is a screeching fangirl’s hype.

“You know, it’s rare to find someone you can call a perfect character, but in my case, I found one;
Akane somehow combines all the things that I want to see in a character. She’s adorable, gorgeous, funny, strong, reliable and best of all she’s into girls and has a huge crush on the sexy student council president Celia.
Can it get any better? Yes it can!
She’s also carrying a Katana with her, which is already a big plus for me, and she every now and then has cute delusions about the girl she loves.”

While this site can be useful if you’re interested in checking out some more yuri series, anyone looking for thoughts of worth should look toward other yuri blogs.



Swabulous Max –



Well this is an interesting site, at least in that I don’t have much to say about it. Pretty much every post is a full series review, and very competently written. The writing is persuasive enough that even if you disagree with swabl’s opinions, you can at least see they weren’t formed entirely inside his ass.

Review sites aren’t exactly my thing, so I can’t say this will be hitting my bookmarks anytime soon. But if you need a second opinion on a series, Swabulous Max is a solid, solid option.






Round 1 – Match 4



MyAnimuBlog –


I… Why is this a blog? Try tumblr, author-kun.



Organization Anti-Social Geniuses –


Another wannabe megablog, so let’s take a look at the authors.


“Okay…since I’m a snooty critic, I have to voice a concern; how in the world did Dandy survive the events of episode 1?

I still don’t understand how the fleet of spaceships tie in with Dandy. Maybe this will play a huge role in the story down the line.”

So new to anime, it hurts.


There was absolutely no value in reading this. None. Why the fuck did you put words on the internet if they had even less meaning than your life? Fuck.


As far as I can tell, this guy’s job is to suck up to other bloggers in a blatant attempt to get links back to OASG. Nothing wrong with a circlejerk every now and then, but based on the above-linked post I can only assume that Justin is so deep in it that he never needs to lotion his hands. Have a little pride, guy.


There are about 8 other bloggers I could look at on this site, but what’s the point? It’s a megablog that no one visits, and the content I checked sucked. Forget this shit.



Deadlight’s Anime Blog –


Yes, Deadlight, I listened to your fucking podcast. Gave it 30 minutes even. I just hate all those anibloggers even more now. Also, you need to work on your audio encoding or something. I had to jam my speakers up to a ridiculous level to even make out what the fuck they were saying.

Entirely not worth it.

Entirely not worth it.

While going through the site, I got the overarching sense that you have no fucking idea what you’re doing. In one post you go out of your way to praise Yozakura Quartet for being so out there, but then in the next, you say “fucking pool episode. dropped.” Then it turns out you’re still watching it. Am I supposed to laugh or something? Cuz I mostly just thought you were retarded. (Edited out because technically there was a throwaway line about the other two episodes he watched and Deadlight wanted me to remove the critique. Fine.)

You jump from post type to post type. First you start out with a bunch of episodics, then nix those halfway through the season for a monthly summary post. And I never know whether I’m gonna get a short post or a long post when I open one up. That’s not necessarily a problem, but if not handled effectively can get a bit disconcerting. Now I get why you were a bit concerned on what my impressions here would consist of.

Here’s some useful advice: just write posts that you yourself would want to read. Write something that would make you become a reader if it were someone else making that content. Then people who think like you do will follow.

If that’s what you’re already doing, fine. But do it better. I do think you at least have some potential.



Spherical Cows –


It’s not so great when I go through a years’ worth of posts and can’t find anything I want to read. So I decided to check out the Winter 2014 Impressions post.

Hozuki no Reitetsu
Best new series of the season.

Oh, so that’s why I couldn’t find anything to read. The author has mayonnaise for brains.

Sorry, mayonnaise-chan, but that’s about as far as this critique goes. Write something worth entertaining the thought of reading next time.





And now back to fansubs ‘n shit.



Deadlight says:


I hope you rot in Hell, Dork Sage. Fuck you, you motherfucking fucker fuck.

AnimeNOW says:

Anime Bloggers™

Deadlight says:

Oh, I was being sarcastic.

Deadlight says:

In all seriousness though, which podcast did you listen to? Cause the most recent ones are pretty loud. It’s the earlier ones that are quiet.

Dark_Sage says:

“Mega End of the Year Podcast – Part 2 – Summer/Fall Seasons”

Deadlight says:

Huh. You were the first one to complain about the quiet audio quality. I’ll check up on it then.

Deadlight says:

One more thing. Could you point at the Yozakura Quartet thing to me? Cause I remember dropping it when I said I dropped it.

In the editorial I wrote that I was dropping Yozakura Quarter and then in the monthly summaries I did mark it as drop. But ah well, thanks anyway.

Deadlight says:

Oh shiiiit, ur right

Deadlight says:

No, wait a second, bro.

Sorry, my dog’s bladder exploded on my carpet and then my interwebz died on me, but upon re-reading that editorial I stated that ever since that “awful obligatory pool episode came along in the fourth episode… things took a nose dive from there”

I never claimed I dropped it in the fourth episode. Later, I go on to say that these “past three episodes” were disappointing signifying that I had, indeed, watched up to episode 6.

My bad for being a dolt and forgetting to mention it last night, but uh yeah, that IS how I wrote the post.

Anywayz, I’m just surprised you didn’t criticize the exterior of my blog. It looks God-awful ;_;

Marow says:

“Sporadic Deluded-Free Thoughts: Dropped Fall Series”

“The manga is pretty subpar material and as the adaptation has done little to change things up, I think it’s better if I just drop the series now.”

Deadlight says:

Hmm? I think you missed what happened here, Marow.

Darksage and I had a misunderstanding that I had dropped the series after seeing the fourth episode. I’m just clearing things up by stating that I had, indeed, talked about the proceeding two episodes in that said post. :)

Kamica says:

The match 4 poll results are great.

Kamica says:

I just checked out Spherical Cows “Winter 2014 Impressions”. See I had a mission. If he thinks that the worst show of the season is the best, could it also be that he thinks that the best show of the season is the worst?

So I read his thoughts on “Tonari no Seki-kun” and as it turns out, he didn’t care too much for show of the season.

FalseDawn says:

Yeah but neither does Sage-kun. I think his Spherical Cows ‘review’ was a little lazy because taking one look at that site suggests that the blogger has oldfag sensibilities. I expected a bit more than dismissing it out of hand (Disclaimer: I haven’t bothered checking the writing style for myself, just calling D_S out on laziness :D)

shcboomer says:

I feel like it has a bit more to do with the style of writing. It’s quite bland if you read through the majority of the posts. They’re mostly lists too.

Dark_Sage says:

I actually did read a few reviews, but I felt the lack of compelling content was more of a problem than the stiff, dull writing.

For example, the Air Master review doesn’t really say anything.

“Visually it’s sort of mixed, but probably mostly bad. I like certain aspects of the character designs […] But a lot of the designs just don’t look that great. Maybe they weren’t supposed to.”

The writing goes on like that for the entire review, with the author unable to string together a thought for more than one sentence.

But again, the most significant problem here is that Sandra cannot write about subjects that are worth reading. So that’s what I focused on.

LuneSave says:

Welcome to creative writing 101, minus the big fancy words. Man, some of these bloggers should take a tech writing course.

reiseng says:

Oh, hello Sage! It’s been a while. Anyway, I am rather busy at the moment, so I can’t chat but here is a picture I drew of a Dark (well, maybe not very Dark) Sage back in 2012 during the *tournament that is no longer spoken of*.

Dark_Sage says:

Oh cool. I’m a… Muslim duck.

Akatsukin says:

>You know, it’s rare to find someone you can call a perfect character, but in my case, I found one;

I’ve never seen someone misuse a semicolon before, probably because I didn’t think people that didn’t understand them used them. I’m not sure what to think.

begna112 says:

Lena from YuriReviews is blogging from the future! :O
Maybe she can predict the winner of this little tourney. ( ¬‿¬)

Lena K. says:

Well, I can predict that it won’t be me ;)

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