Fansub Review: [Anonymous] Yurikuma Arashi (Episode 01)

F-Tier, Fansub Review, Winter 2015 — By on January 6, 2015 1:51 am

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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Normally I wouldn’t even touch this release with my ten-foot penis, but some people out there were thirsty enough to download these subs, so I guess the jeans are coming off.

When I say “some people”, I mean 4900 and counting.


It’s a desert out there.





Sorta shafty.

Funimation licensed a lot of titles this season, but due to either malice or stupidity (neither would surprise me), they decided to delay their “simulcasts” this week.

Funimation - Update

Because of licensing agreements, this means that everyone who likes to watch shows on-time, and prefers their subs in English, has to: watch a different language translation, wait for a decent English fansub group to pick the show up, or worse.




See, some fucktards from the German fansubbing scene thought it would be a great idea to translate the German simulcast subs into English. Yeah, that’s Japanese -> German -> English.

And considering the quality of the German translation…

…it’s basically a worst-case human centipede.


So what you’re about to see shouldn’t shock you too much.

Bear Shock!

Well, it might.





Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Beatifully

They’re flowers, not beets. Bit of an embearrassing start, but I’m sure Anon will come through.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Hopp

Onomatopoeic translation is beary hard to screw up. Essentially, you have to come up with a word that sounds nothing like what’s being said in Japanese or what would be said in English.

Well, leave it to the Germans.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Quotation Marks

Much like the TL’s forebears, I bet it came over from the east side.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Ich

Ich’m afraid the damage has already bearn done.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Ever Wanted

Could you even come up with a dumbear translation?

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Astroid Kumaria

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Shooting Star

Kumaria sounds like something I’d drink. And this Engrish seems like a bearitable excuse to drink one.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Tihi

The release only gets bearable when you dramatically pause before each misplaced comma. Bonus points if you incorporate raising your eyebrows at arbeartrarily placed, imaginary cameras.

…screw you. Don’t judge my coping mechanisms.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Ganbarre

Well this is a surprise! I think this may be the first original translation for “ganbearre” that I’ve ever seen. Points for trying at least. …And negative ones for failing so terribly.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - You is

You is a gift that keeps on giving, Anonymous. Didn’t know there was a class bearlow low, but you’re representing it exceptionally well.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Nori 01

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Nori 02

No thanks. Hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I prefer seaweed with my sushi.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - How

Half the lines in the release are fucking stock — you could leave them untranslated and most people would understand what’s going on. So when you translate them incorrectly, well it’s not exactly a huge confidence bearster, Anon-kun.

“Why are you being so mean?” is what you wanted.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Fish Pies

First off, what the fuck is a fish pie? Secondly, don’t fucking answer that, because I don’t want to know.

Fucking hell, TL-kun. You do realize that this release is bearsically a crime against humanity, right? I don’t wanna imply anything about your people, but I imagine you’ve gone over in class why that’s not exactly a good thing. …right?

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Nibbles

Ellipsis placement… language choice… TL-kun’s only bearying himself deeper with each line.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Catched

Is this supposed to bearly be English? Because while I always appreciate devotion to a joke, it’s getting a bit old, Anon.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - ii

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Neither

Where do I even beargin? It’s like Romeo & Juliet, as performed by the translator’s special ed class.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Uinvisible

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Victom

Thanks to Anon’s delibearate assault, I think we all became victoms today.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Allowances 01

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Allowances 02

I’m starting to understand why no tolerance policies exist. And eugenics. And euthanasia.

Turns out, TL-kun’s a rather solid cultural ambearssador. Sounds like a good back-up plan, since the TL gig probably isn’t gonna pan out.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Hand 01

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Hand 02

You know what else would fit pretty well? TL-kun in a trash compactor. Bet if he tries it out, he’ll find a place he truly bearlongs!

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Sonds

The further I get into the release, the more I feel the cancerous Engrish bearing down on me.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Voicemail 01

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Voicemail 02

Every fucking line bearates my ears with stupid. I don’t even know how I’ve gotten this far without medication.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - You a Right

We Italian now? Hell, we’re just one “w” away from Kenshiro. Keep going TL-kun, this level of trans-ethnic stupidity is a bear gift!

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Clarity

Are you just randomly throwing a bearrage of words from a dollar-store dictionary onto the screen?

Am I just asking rhetorical questions?

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Than

It bears repeating

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Searching

Ignoring the heterosexual imagery– …actually, sorry. I can’t ignore that. Let’s bearrel forward to the next line.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Shock 01

After this release, I only wish I could remembear what love is.

Yurikuma Arashi - Shitsubs - Shock 02

Fuck you, TL-kun. I can’t just grin and tolerate it anymore. I’m out.



Rating: F-. No, wait. F- -. Eat a ten-footer, Anon.


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Nyara♥ says:

The same time you posted this, Asenshi released their version, too, lol.

Dark_Sage says:

Hot damn.

vipirius says:

Is it sad that I almost look forward to these new reviews more than the actual new anime.

Dark_Sage says:

Only if you don’t remove the “almost”.

Anonymous says:

>looking forward to reviews
Expect to feel very disappointed. Reviews don’t come often.

Kamica says:

Brilliant. Japan should hire you for the scriptwriting of Ika Musume S3.

Darais says:

Seems you have a beary polarized opinion on this release.
Watching this level of Engrish must’ve been quite the grizzly undertaking.
Oh, I get it now! Anon-kun must’ve been translating into code-iak.

I see Commie has rubbed off onto you, Dark_Sage. I must admit, the results are quite amusing.

Bushman Lambada says:

Ursid to myself that watching this release would be opening a caniforms.

Sinbad says:

I love you. So much

PP says:

Nothing was daijoubu.
Gotta wonder why this release wasn’t removed on sight when plenty others are, guess you aren’t a troll if you’re just stupid.

Hairy says:

Commie’s not subbing this show. That’s why it wasn’t deleted. If Commie was planning to release it, this release would have been deleted on sight.

Gebbi says:

Just wow.

“some fucktards from the German fansubbing scene”
More like one fucktard from 4chan. Although I wouldn’t be surprised if it were someone from the German fansub scene as well…

Btw, the German CR sub was actually pretty decent and accurate, disregarding the funneh memes.

Dark_Sage says:

Yeah, I guess it coulda just been a random anon now that I think about it. Well, tis a mystery. And one that I’m not exactly dying to get solved.

Nyara♥ says:

Then some fail Spanish fansubber grabbed this… and translated it to Spanish. Japanese > German > English > Spanish, oh, gosh, why the world must be so sad.

Aru says:

Why would they do this? It was available on CR in Spanish to begin with.

Googol says:

CR is rubbish with anything other than English translations. In certain countries they hire local illiterate fansubbers that can’t even speak their own language properly.

Aru says:

You are right. The first German subs they had were utter garbage too. They had spelling mistakes all over the place and were phrased really poorly. It’s pretty okay now, although I’ve still set English as default language.

Nyara♥ says:

Today CR Latin American isn’t that bad, while still they aren’t that awesome, they have improved quite a bit and are near CR USA level now. The truth isn’t the same for CR Spain, that’s always garbage, though even they have done some steps forward.

LotusGG says:

A very limited amount of titles from CR latin america is not comparable to what we see in this review. Let’s say 2 or 3 titles carry less than 15 grave or mild mistakes. The rest is either full of memes or just unwatchable.

Nyara♥ says:

Just said it wasn’t that bad, it’s quality average D+ with some shows being E and others being even a B-. It’s still not good enough to be worth, but most shows are at least barely watchable (unless you can’t handle Latin American’s Spanish and/or lack of styles). Most CR Spain stuff (and most others CR it seems) goes from F- to D+ by other hand. CR Latin American started like that anyway, so most they firsts shows were unwatchable as well.

LotusGG says:

Yeah, I was talking about latin america’s portuguese, but seems like the same applies to spanish, too.

Nyara♥ says:

The most popular site for anime in Spanish, mcanime, have a contract with CR Latin America where they give em’ massive advertising and forbids fansub on publishing their shows. Well, Yuri Kuma Arashi was not took by CR Latin America but CR Spain, so mcanime allowed fansubs publishing the show, EXCEPT for CR rips in this case.

Now, why they used the trolls subtitles rather than CR’s one as base? I’ll bet that was because they used their video as base as well. Most Spanish failsubbers doesn’t know how to work times and they were forbid to use CR’s one if they wished to publish on mcanime, so yeah.

I have an alternative theory in that they just took the first thing available on Nyaa, in this case the troll’s one(because CR Spain’s rip was published an hour later) and they decided to just stick with it for a faster release.

jimmy says:

I honestly think I would understand the show less with these subtitles. Much of this review hurs just to read. I watched raw and then with Asenshi, and have no regrets.

Also, >it-bears-repeating.jpg

jimmy says:

Did this post get edited? I swear I had it “hurs” to watch, as in ursa, a particularly shitty bear pun.

Dark_Sage says:

Gaod dammit, Jimmy, that’s a painful pun.

I occasionally (VERY occasionally) will edit out spelling errors as a special service. Guess it backfired in this case. Changing back.

Tim says:

Admittedly, one of those downloads was my torrent client automatically grabbing it from my RSS feed because it matched my filter of “1st or 2nd episode of season 1 or 2” which I use at the start of every season …

Dark_Sage says:

I’ll forgive you. …this time.

Anony says:

I think there may be 4800 others who have their clients set up like that.

Ryuu says:

D_S, I respect you for actually watching the whole episode with these subs AND reviewing them. I wasn’t able to bear (pun not intended) more than 2 minutes

I’m surprised you didn’t say anything about the best line of all: “Everything is going to be daijoubo.” I mean, that sentence wasn’t daijoubo at all. It was the combo of that and “Ich will protect you” that made me stop watching this release after not even 2 minutes^^


Dark_Sage says:

Seemed like an intentional joke along with a few other lines in the release, so I resisted, knowing that if I put it in there’d be some dipshit pointing to it and going all “Wow, D_S, you just don’t get fine comedy. The whole release was a joke, why’d you even review it?”

Figured by pointing out only the lines that couldn’t be construed as jokes, we’d avoid that stupidity entirely.

(Also, I cheated and picked out the lines from the .ass, rather than going through the episode and doing screenshots like normal. I typically only do this when I can tell a release is going to be bad, and if I’ve already seen the episode.)

sjoe says:

I can’t even bear puns now D:

hunta says:

English subs translated from a German Translation of a Russian Translation. HMMMM. The Russian translation quite possibly being a guessub.

Gebbi says:

Why should Crunchyroll translate from a Russian script? Where should they even get it from? They don’t have a Russian site, hence no Russian translators.

HUNTA says:

Uh, the anon-subs that were reviewed were tled from German tled from Russian. Where did you see me talking about CR? The hell?

jabashque says:

Wait, so you’re saying that this was actually

Japanese -> Russian fansub -> German fansub -> English

and not

Japanese -> German CR sub -> English?

Hunta says:

Quite possibly.

Mehrwerfer says:

I think he want to say, that in russia groups translated with this shit subs here into russian.

Hunta says:

you are quite possibly wrong.
don’t you know me I am the king of the fansub underworld.

Dark_Sage says:

And where’d you get this information? The Anon script uses all the fonts and naming conventions as the German Crunchyroll script.

Anon says:

Is Hadena dead or what?

Dark_Sage says:

Have been for a while.

^(*◣Д◢)/^/// says:

stop watching this shit already! no wait stop buying BD’s in the first place. prevent shit from airing.

Anyon says:

Hey Sage, if you ever feel like you haven’t suffered enough yet, you may want to take a look at [AnchanZSubs] Prisma Illya BD specials.
They’re only like 5 minutes each, but boy is it a special kind of shit spectacle.
I think Hadena pales in comparison and you can tell they’re not purposefully troll subbing it either.
And they’re the only subs available too. I think vol.4 is my favorite so far.

Dark_Sage says:

360p? Oh Jesus Lord…

TMA-2 says:

“Ten thousand yen you say? If we fail we have to paid it. You should stopped her earlier.”

every single line is a gem. ESL bullshit

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