You’d have a better chance at defeating racism by buying a coffee from Starbucks than attaining meaningful enjoyment from this borked shitfest.
If you wanna know why Crymore’s been sorta… sleepy for the past some weeks, you can thank Monster Hunter.
MonHun fans reading this might reason that this isn’t the game’s fault so much as it is mine, to which I would respond your “thyroid problems” and chronic virginity might require some inward gazing of their own. What, don’t wanna go that route? Then I guess you get to concede this point.
And get ready to concede some more, cuz this game is objectively shit.
Considering the only decent part of Monster Hunter is the dress-up feature…
…it’s exceedingly disappointing to have every character look like they’re constantly buffering. 240p wasn’t even acceptable 10 years ago, yet here we are.
Everything in the game is a blurry, blocky mess (yes, blurry and blocky — it’s just that bad), which is a damn shame considering the potential that the environments show. But more important than the wasted set pieces is how sloppy everything looks in action. For a game purportedly based on precision combat, the constant graphical jank can be fatal.
MH4U’s gameplay has about as much value as a menopausal surrogate mother.
Every game that bills itself as skill-based should at least attempt to live up to that premise. MonHun disagrees.
You can attack through monsters, missing hits because the game has broken hitboxes. Even worse, monsters will arbitrarily wall hack. Meaning, you can have a solid barrier between you and the monster, but its attacks can phase through it (and no, the courtesy does not extend back to you). Stunlocks are also absurdly common, meaning you can get juggled to death simply because the game’s RNG decided you should fuck off.
Factor in a broken camera and the ever-great jaggy graphics from before, and that’s where the “difficulty” that this series is hyped for comes from.
Cryptic is Cool!
To further artificially increase the difficulty (cuz making smart AI would be effort), MH4U is even more undecipherable than Casual Souls. A wiki isn’t gonna cut it; you need to run fucking programs for this shit, since the game explains nothing.
Ain’t just gonna leave ya hanging. Go ahead, put these fanmade .exe’s on your computer. You wanna git gud, right?
- General info: https://sites.google.com/site/pingsdex/pingsmh4gdex/en_us
- Armor builder: http://forums.minegarde.com/topic/7348-athenas-ass-for-mh4g-and-mh4u/
- You’ll need a wiki too, actually: http://kiranico.com/en/mh4u
For example, the only way to reasonably kill certain monsters later in the online portion of the game is to go through the offline portion and complete 4 specific, unmarked quests from a list of ~200. To create a list of all the things the game expects you to automagically know would take several more articles than I’m interested in writing.
What’s important here is that others’ ignorance will affect your progression in the game. Unless you want to waste time soloing quests that are scaled for multiplayer, you’re going to run into a community of carried idiots. And they will drag you down with them. Shit, I’m not even gonna get into how the community as a whole is, since I wanna save the line “more toxic than tumblr” for another post. It’s good filler.
Actually, I’ve probably used it before, so we’ll let this derailed train of thought crash into the conclusion since there’s nowhere else it can go.
The Apex of Awful
I don’t recall there being a single point in Monster Hunter where the game made me think “this is fun”. The series appeals to those who enjoy a steady slog of monotony with which to dull their brains for a while — it’s like alcohol for accountants. And while that might appeal to some of you, when you find yourselves sitting on a D+ in Accounting 101 because you can’t see GAAP as anything but a knock-off clothing store based in China, you’re gonna need to make some serious life decisions.
Rating: D+. Who has to change majors now, Monster Hunter?