When customs asked what I was bringing back from Tokyo, I lied and said Pokemon cards. Glad I looked cool enough to pull that one off.
Pre-Review (“But why?”)
While drunkposting on Twitter one night, I promised my tens of followers that I’d review as many onaholes as $500 could buy me in Japan. Unfortunately, I blew all that money on lewd anime card sleeves, so my cocksleeve budget suffered.
Still, I had exactly enough hundred-yen coins left to roll the onahole gacha at Tora no Ana, so here we go.
- “Single use”
- Type 3 (of four)
- No new vagina smell
- Sakura Romako’s catalog, from earliest to latest, as is custom
Food & Drink Pairings:
- [1 bottle] Blue Point Hoptical Illusion
- [1 bottle] Stone Ghost Hammer IPA
- [275 mL] Sailor Jerry’s Spiced Rum
- [1/2 can] Coca-Cola Vanilla
- [1/2 bag] Old Dutch Blue Corn Chips
- With the assistance of an onahole, you don’t need to worry about any Old Dutch salt touching your salty old dutchman
- I think this thing is made with the same material as a stress ball, so it’s 100% work safe
- 400 yen msrp, or 300 yen if you can find a gacha dispenser
- Kinda chewy
- While the onahole boasts the benefits of its suction cups, I am not aware of any 3D women with octopus vaginas, so its use as a training partner is rather limited
- When you want to reuse it, you have to literally squeeze the lube, sweat, and semen into your sink, which is not very 21st century
- My dick started burning like it was infested with urethral fire ants after my third go at it – I think I gave myself an STD
2 vaginal depth markers out of 12. Sad.
If you really wanted to incompetently fuck some unfeeling cum dumpster, just find a real girl. If your primary goal is instead disappointment play, I must wholeheartedly suggest Crymore’s rss feed.
For all other purposes, watch the new Kino’s Journey — it just started airing today, and I can guarantee it is almost as perfect as I am.