After waking up early for the NDK AMV Contest this morning and realizing I shoulda just gotten trashed at home this weekend, I feel like I’ve earned the right to whine. This is gonna be a long one.
Opening Up the AMV Hug Box
AMV editors are an interesting bunch of folks. These are a people whose sole interest in conventions appears to be watching one another’s AMVs all day… which each of them have seen umpteen times prior. Presumably this is more for interest in maintaining their fragile social links than a complete lack of personality, but hey, not my scene so who knows.
Here’s the deal: beyond passive aggressive whingeing and clique clashing on discord or decades-old forums (really), you’re not gonna see any honest feedback coming through. And these kids work hard (sometimes); they deserve it. So I think it’s time for everyone’s favorite sage to step on the stage.
Oh, and a fun part of this case study is I think I saw about half these editors at the AMV dinner last night. Thanks for the invite; y’all were solid, but I need to cut down on friends as it is so feel free to take this shit personally. (Except for Radical_Yue: We can be boys but that corndog vid vid intro shit needs to go.)
AMVs are what happens when you give a bunch of people whose parents never told them “no” a suite of over-complicated video editing software and infinite access to YoutubeDownloader. To these folks, ISO is something their managers at Target vaguely mumble about before handing them a mop and face mask.
AMV Contests are what happens when you give the least sane of those people megaphones and designate them Head Janitors.
When AMVs (at NDK) Suck
AMV Editors Can’t Into English
AMV editors are the people for whom a song’s chorus contains all the lyrics they will ever remember. They’re just words, right? What could they even mean? Take this one:
Honestly, editor-kun, you’re gonna pick Little Witch Academia and coast from there? I get it, you heard “hey dreamer” in the intro and were like “oh boy that girl from Little Witch dreams too, what an easy AMV I’m gonna make!”
But half the lyrics in the song could fit numerous LWA scenes that you missed — or any of a suite of editing basics (you aren’t even gonna play with “technicolor”?) — and you just go deaf? Was this AMV ‘finalist’ some kind of disability affirmative action pick or something?
I applaud the inclusiveness from the judges, but even if that were the case, wouldn’t the editor still have access to the lyrics online? Don’t blame me for drawing the obvious conclusions. :(
The Concept Doesn’t Work
“You don’t know you’re beautiful” does not fucking go with Blend-S. There are like 500 ugly duckling, typically insecure MCs you could’ve pulled from any shitty romcom to complete the 2-piece puzzle… but Maika is not fucking one of them. Drain a vein.
420.moe the AMV
This sleepy submission was clearly put together by an editor who did 40 cuts, realized they had no idea what the fuck they were doing, then randomized the order and called it a day. Please try trying next time.
Same Shit, Same Song
The AMV in this case (not online yet) was the searched song set to Asagao to Kase-san, but you’d get the exact same experience from any of these.
Related: Nobody Needs Another Fucking Gurren Lagann AMV
If you don’t have anything new to say, why the fuck is your mouth hanging open? I know AMV editors have collectively watched about 10 animes total, and their Spotify is constantly tuned to Disney Lite, but this shit is getting old for the rest of us. The fuck are you contributing at this point?
I’d say no more Monogatari AMVs too but that’d kill off like half the scene, plus I like the anime tiddies, so…
“I Know It’s Not Finished, But…”
This entry is from an Iron Chef which means the editor had like three days total to put it together. Yeah, I get it’s already made, but dude try having standards…
The A Stands for Anything, Right?
Weird how every AMV Contest I go to is infested with American cartoons and editors pasting their stupid fucking selfies over everything. Fuck, there was even a Bioshock Infinite one at this con. It sucked as much as you would expect.
Anyway, this shit is all conveniently covered by the rule addendums at every con. When a judge’s friend spent a whole 5 minutes on a My Little Pony episode 5 Limp Bizkit video, you can’t just disqualify it — exceptions must be made! Okay, this paragraph was mostly aimed at Anime Weekend Atlanta but who’s counting at this point?
The lifelong failures in the audience flipped their shit at this one. Whoa, it’s Doki Doki Literature Club! And Clannad! Grug like!
Plz go, and I don’t mean back into society.
Comedy Not Included
I have yet to see a comedy AMV (at contests) that consists of more than just lazy references. If I wanted to watch reddit on the big screen I’d shift over to LiveLeak and watch short buses fall off cliffs.
…huh, I think I just figured out tonight’s post-game.
Take It I’m Not Invited to the Next Team Dinner ;_;
Anyway, that’s about it. I do love AMVs, but I’m not getting paid to be some anime kid’s therapist, so they can just suck on some reality.
The AMV scene may have hit its peak back when the primary means of AMV distribution was smuggling them through Limewire as LaraCroftNude.exe’s, but don’t tell me the well’s run dry for anyone but these contest submitters. Here’s some good shit from other editors this year:
Okay, that took longer to write than I was expecting. Time for those brews cuz daddy needs a memory wipe.