Convention Intervention: Anime Revolution 2015

Former translator. Not Dark_Sage.


God help us all.

I have no idea what any of this weeb-shit moonrunes say, but it's anime girls in bikinis, so I have your attention now, correct?
I have no idea what any of this weeb-shit moonrunes say, but it’s anime girls in bikinis, so I have your attention, right?

How these convention intervention posts work is that I’ll go through the good, the bad, and the weeb about a convention. But fuck that, man. Fuck AniRevo. Fuck everything about this horrible weekend that I spent in Vancouver.

There are no redeeming qualities about AniRevo 2015. I looked deep into my soul to find a single one. I double-checked the schedule, I scoured every single inch of the convention center to find something, anything good about this convention. Because I want to like AniRevo. I want to say it’s a good convention.

But it’s not.

It’s fucking terrible.

Here’s my dilemma, though; I hate writing negative posts. While posts where I bitch and whine about a convention are fun for people to read, they are certainly not fun for me to write. I’ll eventually write a more in-depth, thoughtful post about AniRevo over on my own blog,, but it’s 9pm on the last day of the convention and I want to end this trip on a high note. I want to write something uplifting.

So I’m going to share with you all the best thing that happened to me at the convention.


It’s Sunday at 3:30. Dark_Sage, shcboomer, Rekyu, and I have just come back to our hotel room after giving up on the convention proper. Sure, the last panel that we went to was mildly interesting, but I didn’t spend 700 dollars to go to one panel that lasted 50 minutes. We’re all super bummed out and doing some deep introspection. Where did we go wrong?

Surely it’s not our fault. It can’t be our fault. That’s literally impossible, because we’re perfect in every sense of the word. That’s right, it’s the convention’s fault. It’s AniRevo’s fault for being so terrible. HallwayCon is not a good convention, because NOTHING happens in hallways. And AniRevo is no different. There’s nothing at AniRevo.

Accurate description of content at AniRevo
Accurate description of content at AniRevo

Side note: here’s a life hack to help you identify if a convention is good or not. Go to twitter and see how many hashtags people are using to talk about the convention. If the number is anything higher than 1, it’s a terrible convention. In fact, the number of tags used is inversely proportional to how good the convention actually is. Sakuracon? Literally just #Sakuracon. AniRevo? #AniRevo, #AniRev, #AR, #AR15… the list goes on and on, and that’s not a good thing.

Anyway, back to the story. I’m down on my luck, having just lost faith in the world and my ability to spend money on good things. And then I see it.

The holy grail.

The saving grace of this weekend.

A bed.

Now, it’s not like I hadn’t been sleeping on beds prior to this. In fact, the hotel we were at on the previous nights was pretty swank. But last night I only got around five hours of sleep after playing Smash Bros. until 5AM, and my body was running on empty. The only food we had was the terrible pulled pork sandwiches at the maid cafe, which were not filling and not tasty. (God, AniRevo. Can’t even do pulled pork right.)

So you’re me, you’re tired and hungry as hell, and you see a bed. What do you do? You take a fucking nap, that’s what. Because fuck yeah, we’re adults and we take naps.

It's nap time, baby.
It’s nap time, baby.

This nap was amazing. It was the holy grail of naps. It was as if Jesus himself came down upon my weary mind, said “It’s okay, child. You may rest now.”, gave me the best blowjob of my life*, and then put me to bed like a newborn fawn in the picturesque forests of Bambi. It was as if someone shot me with a tranquilizer dart, but instead of throwing me into the human trafficking industry, created a bed of flowers and laid me to rest. It was as if my waifu proclaimed her love to me in my dreams, and my body was overwhelmed with joy and happiness as it succumbed to the pillowy depths of the mattress.**

* I’m not gay.

** I don’t have a waifu.

In retrospect, this bed wasn’t the best bed. Like, I’m laying down on it right now as I write up this article. And it’s not that great. The sheets aren’t exactly comfortable. The mattress isn’t as soft as some of the beds I’ve slept on. But man, when you’re super tired and super bummed about the abysmal convention that you just went to, anything will do. You know how 7-11 pizzas taste amazing at 3AM when there’s nowhere else open? It’s kinda of the same principle.

And in this case, my 7-11 pizza was the double bed on the 18th floor of the Vancouver Mariott.

Pizza is bad for you. How will you ever stick your dick into an anime girl if all you do with your life is eat pizza?
Pizza is bad for you. How will you ever stick your dick into an anime girl if all you do with your life is eat pizza?

I can say without a doubt that Bed-chan was the best thing to happen to me during this trip. Like, Bed-chan is mai waifu.*** I’d marry Bed-chan. I’d take Bed-chan out for dinner and a movie. And not like a bad movie, too. A good movie. The Terminator or some shit, ’cause everybody likes The Terminator. Not any of the sequels, though. Fuck the sequels. Fuck Terminator 2 and Terminator 3. They’ll never live up to the original.

*** That was a joke. I still don’t have a waifu.

Actually, that’s a good way to describe AniRevo. It’ll never live up to what it once was, but it’ll continue going down this terrible franchised path, digging its own grave until it can no longer climb out, and ultimately dies the terrible death it deserves.

And Bed-chan and I will be there to watch it die.


11 thoughts on “Convention Intervention: Anime Revolution 2015”

    • A. This post is gold. I don’t know what you’re talking about.

      B. 25 ain’t really dotage-tier, and Crymore’s doing better in 2015 than we were in 2011. Gimme five more years and we can compare notes, but the verdict’s already in for current-state.

      C. I… hope you’re joking. The smiley faces that were in-fashion circa 2011 make it seem that way, but then again, I do remember the kind of person you are. Like, you do recall why I kicked you out and removed every single one of your posts from the site, right? It wasn’t because they were good.

      • A)It’s called trolling; you should be quite familiar with the concept. (And before you say anything; yes, these semi-colons are trolling as well.)

        B)Refer to previous statement.

        C)Good ole ad hoc, on slant eyes no doubt. Impressive. Maybe dotage is appropriate since I was never kicked out. You removed me briefly from Dantalian no Shoka because you got your panties in a twist that I hadn’t QC/Edited within your timeframe, despite us being the least watched sub-group for the show (Shitsuyuki notwithstanding), because of :real life:. After one day of your petulant furry, I was back in and finished that series and was the only person concerned with batching that and [C], except maybe Sean. Then you said we weren’t subbing the next season because your TL buddy didn’t want to do anything, aside from troll FFF during Aquarion LOVE. I last one more season with FFF and then disappeared from the scene altogether. Shit, I haven’t even posted on this new site except these two posts and one other time when I thought someone was calling me a murderer.

        So, stop with your revisionist history bullshit. There’s a reason Whine-Subs doesn’t exist any longer and it certainly wasn’t for lack of enthusiasm on my, Caly, or Sean’s part.

        That all being said, I haven’t even kept up with subbing drama in years. Shit, I just now downloaded 1000 torrents worth or the last four seasons. I just like popping my head into places I used to dwell for posterity.

        • Whine-Subs? I was talking about your sub-literate posts on Whiners/Crymore that I had to remove. Fuck if I even remember what you did for our fansub group, considering you’re here saying you edited and QC’d and I turned to puddi when you first posted, saying you were like our timer or some shit.

          Pretty clear at this point that you didn’t matter, whatever you did. Don’t much care though, have a good life, guy. Just try to keep away from keyboards, cuz you’re clearly not too good at using them.

          • Wow. You’re even a more intolerable prick than you used to be. I remember now why Sean wanted to bounce way before we actually did. My posts totaled maybe six and they were all before this Crymore bullshit. You had them up for YEARS after I left. Jesus you’re one disillusioned mother fucker. I know you find the smell of your own shit intoxicating, but try to pull your head out of your ass every so often.

            • Look guy, I’m sorry you don’t matter and never did, but don’t try to paint that as a character flaw on my part. Take it as constructive criticism and try to improve yourself. Sulking isn’t gonna get you anywhere in life. :/

      • Indeed. :D

        Like stated above I’ve been out of the game for forever. Hell, I haven’t even been watching anime that much. Not enough time these days. Working with my game studio and then my “real” job at everyone’s favorite tech giant has kept me quite busy. I don’t even have time for vidya gaems a lot of days. But I’m relatively happy, so there’s that. Proposing soon, at Disneyland. Like the cliched bastard that I am.

        How’re you?

      • Over here we call them “splatter flaps”. The not frozen ones, that are packaged in only a plastic sleeve. If you’re ever in a situation where you have to consume one or starve to death, it might be preferable to starve.


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