It’s Triggered time, baby.
Watched four episodes of each show this season and came up with a list of what’s good and what’s not. Yeah, you could just check out the Whatcha Watchin’ page to get the same sage advice, but ain’t this way more fun?
Mahou Shoujo Ikusei Keikaku
Seeing as how Yuno has been my waifu since 2006, I think it’s fair to consider myself a bit of an expert on
boxcutter circumcision death games. Ikusei Keikaku, however, hardly registers on the scale, somehow managing to be worse than even Btooom in its ability to register more emotion than effusive apathy.
Case study: episode 4. Ruler dies — as far as the narrative is concerned — solely because she’s a meanie-pants who doesn’t respect her subordinates.
Swim-Swim’s betrayal is thus not so much unexpected as a matter of course. And it completely invalidates her storyline of a princess lover becoming a princess.
Wouldn’t it be so much more significant if Ruler was, in fact, a good ruler… and deposed simply because the admiration she commanded went too fucking far? That’s fucking interesting, that’s what I watch series for — that spark in your eyes you get when -oh shit- something crazy and amazing happens at the same time.
Instead, all we get is a fucking on-rails journey through Trope Island where character death is a concept mistaken as necessarily grimdark.
The show does nothing for the world and it does nothing for me. Therefore, it is:
3-gatsu no Lion
Sangatsu has no story it wants to tell. There are several meandering arcs, ranging from the MC-kun’s struggle to become a moderately successful Go player to the daily lives of a family of underage prostitutes. Yet none of the events that occur seem to matter, begging the question of how the fuck anyone could get invested into the series.
Worst of all is the main character.
He’s clearly autistic, but the show refuses to acknowledge it in any fashion, with a lack of self-awareness heretofore unseen in anything except morbidly obese cosplayers.
The term “cuck” has been bandied about way more than necessary this year, but I feel MC-kun exemplifies the term more than anything. He’s the wimpy kinda piece of shit who’d go half-mast at watching anyone he cares about get raped, with the kind of face that bullying was invented for.
As a red-blooded American I just can’t register this shit with anything other than a feeling of pure disgust. Cannot recommend.
Turns out Chinese anime is shit.
Not recommended. It’s pretty much Mars of Destruction spread across 12 episodes.
Watashi ga Motete Dousunda
Let’s ignore how unrealistic the concept is of
a girl turning anorexic and suddenly being well received by everyone four pretty dudes legit all trying to fuck the same chick at the same time and no one even suggesting a train run. Show is bad on way more merits than that.
Despite my insane love of the manga, I knew the adaptation would suck. A strict manga->anime transcription of a fucking romcom can rarely be paced at tolerable levels. And oh god, the filler in this series is neck-stranglingly bad. I don’t need fucking 12 minutes of normalfags stumbling around comiket when even my top-shelf weeb self wouldn’t deal with a minute of that shit.
At the series’s glacial pace, all the faults in its premise rise to the top like the floaters they are, and it becomes impossible to avoid despising everything about the series. Do you know how much it takes for me to hate a hot fujoshi? All of half an hour at a con. …or half of a WataMote episode.
So at least this series is good for fast-tracked misogyny. Anything else though? lol.
Turns out the gay girl stuff is pretty hot. Lemme change my rating to:
Recommended. For the gay girl stuff.
Touken Ranbu – Hanamaru
As with many kusoge adaptations, Token Ranmaru makes the mistake of assuming everyone watching it has A. played the game and B. has no interest in watching anything other than the game mechanics directly translated into low-budget Japanese animation.
Ranbaru feels like more of a mindless grind than a legitimate piece of entertainment. This is the kinda show you put on in the background, checking back every now and then as you lazily write its summary post on your anime blog and hope nobody cares enough to call you out on it.
I haven’t been interested in bikes since Neil Armstrong got caught injecting steroids into his balls, so I pretty much throw this show on at 3x speed and jack off to Granblue hentai in a different window.
Not like I even gave it a fair shot, but whateves. Not like anyone else did either.
Shuumatsu no Izetta
Sexy Hitler, lesbian witches that ride AA rifles, and the Swiss being people of value. Jesus Christ, Japan, you have a really fond memory of WW2. Guess it hearkens back to days when you weren’t just an American forward base in anti-“Communist” geopolitics? Waiting for the one where we get to find out why Korea and China dislike ya so much. ^_^
My innate douchebaggery aside, this show sucks. All I could think about while watching it is how much I’d rather just replay Valkyria Chronicles and make my dick bleed to Nazi tits.
Not recommended. Even a Final Fantasy 6 adaptation would be better.
Udon no Kuni no Kiniro Kemari
Udon would work if the kid weren’t a tanuki. And it would work so fucking well. Instead, it feels terribly disingenuous — we’re supposed to form a connection with a guy struggling to find his place in the world, trying to reconcile his feelings towards his deceased father, as he takes care of… a fucking shapeshifting pet.
Like, if Poco died, it’d be sad as fuck. But it wouldn’t be the same as a kid dying. Not even close, and that’s what makes it feel so weird.
Straight up, this series could be a 5 or a 9 depending on how well thought-out the story actually is. Considering this is Japan, I think you can guess where it’ll go, but my official stance here is: Cannot recommend, but also cannot not recommend.
I’ll let ya know when it’s over~
Each episode features a naive fujo seducing every dude in school in an attempt to… walk up a staircase at the end of the series.
Recommended: If otome bullshit is your kinda thing.
Not recommended: If you have taste better than mine.
Shakunetsu no Takkyuu Musume
Remember Prince of Tennis? …Wait, you do? Christ, how fucking old are you? Okay, well, this isn’t like Prince of Tennis at all. That was just a fucking Crymore census. Looks like I’ll be referencing popular old shows from the past a bit more now. Fuck kids, right?
But I gotta be straight with ya, ol’ chapperino, I never saw Prince of Tennis. And Hikaru no Go? Yeah, I think I got like 10 minutes into episode one before I realized Yu Yu Hakusho was just better. So I watched up until like Dark Tournament or something and then I stopped when there was like… uhh, a fucking mansion episode or something? Cuz, Hiei is pretty sweet and all, but there’s too much filler. Why couldn’t shit just happen like it’s supposed to?
And that’s the problem with Shakunetsu: shit doesn’t happen like it’s supposed to. If I get catgirls, I need the catgirls to fucking fuck each other. With their fucking tails. Which is why I couldn’t get into Outlaw Star — Aisha did not nearly grind enough clit on-screen.
It is for that reason Shakunetsu gets a 3/10. Sufficient catgirls, insufficient clint grinding. Mark it.
That’s all for Fall 2016. Yeah, I skipped Thicc Bois, Working but Worse, D. Lameman, New Game Minus, and No.6 S2. But those shows don’t have enough fans to piss off, so I’m not even gonna waste the paragraphs.
Time for the good shit now…