How the fuck is it 2017 already?
Monster Strike 2 (1 drink in, let’s go mode)
Cuz my hotel internet is fucking slow thanks to Atlanta being complete shit, MonStrike2 was the first of my downloads to complete, and thus the first on my list. Apparently it’s based off some shitty f2p game that my hikki brother is always jerking himself off to when he’s not busy losing at Force of Will. Go figure.
Generally the only reason to watch kid’s animes is to jerk off to the hot moms. But as far as I can tell, everyone in this show is an orphan, leaving me with little opportunity to lose what remains of my shame. And come on, am I really the kinda guy to jerk off to anime middle schoolers? (Don’t answer that.)
What I get from this MonStrike is that the writers really want to make something good in spite of the shitty source material, but everything’s so haphazardly shoestring that making you think of what it would be like without the terrible action scenes just makes you sad.
This is the kind of show you wouldn’t hate yourself for watching, but it’s neither good enough nor bad enough to leave a lasting impression. So either ignore it or throw it on in the background while you do something halfway productive so you can pretend it’s a legit entry on your MAL page. Yes, I’m onto you. And no, your MAL list will never impress anyone.
High School Star Musical S2
I spent about 10 seconds skipping through scenes before deleting it cuz I realized this should’ve never made it to my queue.
Honestly, I refuse to believe there are any fujoshi desperate enough to watch this scrapbook romance. Like Jesus, girl, can’t you find some fansub reject desperate enough for a mutual pity fuck? Rizon is such an untapped resource.
Granblue Fantasy (3 drinks in, I can still taste the cheapness of the whiskey)
Prioritized watching this as my first “real” show, cuz I’d like to have an informed understanding of the doujins I’ve been fapping to for the past couple of years. Boy was I let down. Where the fuck is the bunnygirl anal? I thought that shit was canon.
As far as I can tell, this is just Femblem Fates if they made that POS Aqua the MC.
Action animes should not be paced this fucking slow. Swear to god it took ten minutes for the generics to move ten feet into the forest.
After looking into it some more, apparently Granblue Fantasy is more of the now-standard Japanese f2p garbage and I should’ve fucking expected this bullshit. Honestly, the only fucking reason I’m not advocating for a third nuke is that Shingeki no Bahamut’s adaptation is fucking amazing and you should fucking watch it right now. Literally, right fucking now.
…Or after you finish this post cuz my writing’s pretty great, tbh.
THE iDOLM@STER CINDERELLA GIRLS Theater (TV/Web)
I was fully prepared to hate this show, but goddamn these nekos. Christ, I just wanna impregnate their fucking mouths.
Oh yeah, four shots in. Let’s continue.
Alice to Zouroku (5 shots in, plus another energy drink)
Some young girl has super powers and gloms onto an old yakuza-type to protect her from evil scientists. Better than latching to some teenage dirtbag, I guess.
There is no way this show is gonna be anything but mediocre by the end, but right now it’s not that awful. Watch it if you want something to drop once the Japanese sinks in, I guess?
Sekai no Yami Zukan
After 44 minutes of one show, I had to wash it down with another fucking shot and some show I knew I wasn’t gonna like cuz everything about it screamed “mediocrifailure”, especially its five-minute runtime.
But as it turned out, I did like it, cuz it was basically the animated form of the “spooky stories to tell in the dark” books I loved as a kid.
Still, this shit ain’t good. But as far as waiting till it’s done airing and then giving it a one-hour marathon? Absolutely worth it.
Shingeki no Kyojin S2
You may or may not be surprised when I say that Shingeki no Kyojin S1 is my favorite anime of all time. Seriously. And also I only ever watched up to episode 10. No lies there.
So please keep that in mind when I say that S2 is also a 10/10. Another true fact? I never even downloaded the damn thing. You can call me a lot, but you can’t call me faithless. <3
Souryo to Majiwaru Shikiyoku no Yoru ni…
I can’t deal with this font. Dropped.
Gin no Guardian
When I saw the Tencent logo come up, I knew I was gonna be fucked out of 15 minutes.
As with every Chinese anime I’ve watched, soulless sub-mediocrity is the primary theme. There has to be someone in China who has value as a human being, I’m sure of it. They just don’t have anything to do with the Glorious People’s Republic of Democratic Human-Life Happiness Party’s pathetic anime efforts. And probably never will.
Rick and Morty S3
It’s midnight-something, I’ve had eight drinks, and I’m not even getting a blowjob from a twice-as-drunk and half-as-pretty Naruko cosplayer for my efforts. May as well finish off with something I can at least talk to my coworkers about.
Was it funny? No. Will I pretend it was funny and talk about how awesome randomness and lolreferences are, like I’m another corrupted cell in the cancer that is reddit? Sure.
Life as a millennial salaryman is definitely not what I fucking thought it would be.