Better than Ayako, and that’s what counts.
This is like saying “the soldiers will attack the Knox Fort.”
-the Nion Fort
Is the Galette army really planning on marching here?
For you hurr-durr purists who are like “they didn’t say army!” then the line still needs to be rephrased. “Are the Galettians really […]” or something similar.
Sir Brioche. A knight’s title is not knight. It’s sir. Or
<+Sunny|Out> Lord Brioche~
Lord could work. I prefer Sir, though.
You don’t really need Filianno in there.
even this castle will be…
Mom and Dad
I get what they were going for here, but this is like saying “I am the governor of Texas, United States of America”
Mmmm… How about “I already know your name”
It’s the name of the castle, don’t cha know?
the Knight of Beasts
supreme commander, Leonmitchelli,
country, so it might heat up…
Why do I bitch about commas? Cuz they affect how the line is pronounced. If you don’t have proper pausing, shit reads real weird.
Ready your top hats and monocles. This shit is about to get pretentious.
Dear sirs, I believe the word you are looking for is “whom”.
As princess is a title they have undoubtedly used for her multiple times, it’s proper to capitalize it.
I’m sorry, that wasn’t an error. I just thought I’d include some fap material for all you guys. Ladies, I’ll be on the look out for schlick material, you have my word!
Overall grade: B
Good stuff. Keep your eyes on the prize, cowboys. ^_~
Not sure how Hina-Hiryuu did. I’ll look over their stuff later tonight.