So, here we are with translation review #1. The format’s a work-in-progress, so any ideas on how to improve it are most certainly welcome. For your information, this review isn’t entirely extensive because I decided to cut out some material, meaning that there may be more issues than this review suggests. Also, if you feel there’s bias introduced to any portion of this review, just leave a comment saying so. I’ll be happy to provide credible sources to back my reviews.
All three groups put down the same thing meaning-wise, but unfortunately, the line they provided would be a translation for “両手両足縛れ.” The distinction between “ってよ” and “れ” is that the latter makes the phrase into a command, while the former “connects” the phrase with the preceding statement. In this instance, it connects by adding the detail “with his hands and feet tied up” to the delinquents’ plan to throw their victim into the river.
This is one of those “sort-of, but not exactly” translations. “格好” refers to appearance, not actions, so this translation is using the idiom “all bark, no bite” improperly. Izayoi’s actually commenting on how the group of delinquents look tough on the outside, but aren’t so tough on the inside. So yes, the meaning captured by the “no bite” part was spot-on, but that of the “all bark” bit needs to go. <<anything passive, so this critique is invalid.
I see what Crunchyroll’s translator was going for here, but it seems like they took an unnecessary gamble. If the viewer isn’t familiar with Clue, chances are they won’t fully understand the line. For those of you who aren’t familiar with Clue, the line basically means, “Though I don’t know who’s responsible for this, to prepare a locked room delivery instead of a locked room murder… How novel.”
“下手をすれば” isn’t referring to the actions of a certain party, so there would be no “they.” Instead, it’s closer to “if we were unlucky.”
In this instance, “以下同文” doesn’t mean “Remember my name too.” Weblio (an online Japanese-English/English-Japanese dictionary) defines it as “same as above,” but it’d probably be easier to understand if I were to compare it to “likewise” or “ditto.” So in this instance, You’s stating that the same thing happened to her as the other two. The line provided doesn’t succeed in getting the whole point across.
Commie– “Kasukabe You. It was the same for me.”
Crunchyroll– “Kasukabe You. I’m the same.”
I’d say Commie clarified the point beyond what Crunchyroll provided.
“野蛮” means “savage” or “uncivilized,” which is actually a synonym of “unrefined,” so “unrefined” should be the translation for the first adjective. “凶暴” means “brutal” or “atrocious” and the “そう” is what’s translated into “-looking,” so Asuka’s saying he looks atrocious and is unrefined. It may seem trivial, but if you were to flip the words around, you’ll find that there is a difference in meaning.
Hatsuyuki/Crunchyroll– “I’m also crude, vicious, and hedonistic. I’m the worst type of person there is, so I recommend reading all the warning labels before taking that attitude when dealing with me, little Miss.”
Commie– “I’m also crude, vicious, and hedonistic. I’m the worst type of person there is, so I recommend reading all the warning labels before taking that attitude when dealing with me, Missy.”
He doesn’t say that he’s the worst type of person there is. He’s just saying he’s a lost cause. Also, the meaning of “三拍子,” which is essentially “three important conditions/requisites,” is ignored. He calls himself a lost cause because the “crude, vicious, and hedonistic” aspects of him fulfills the “requisites.” Another word, “用量,” is omitted from the translation. So not only is he saying that Asuka should be familiar with his “rules of use”—which was apparently translated as warning labels—but she should also be aware of “the ropes” when it comes to handling him. Finally, “適切” means “appropriate,” so Izayoi’s telling Asuka to take everything into consideration and decide what’s the best way to act around him.
Hatsuyuki/Crunchyroll– “I’ll think about it if you write down all those warning labels in a manual.”
Commie– “I’ll think about it if you properly document all those warning labels.”
The “たら” in “くれたら” is the “if” and the “くれ” is representative of “くれる,” which means “give.” So together it means “if you give,” which shows that Asuka’s actually saying if he gives her the user’s manual, she’ll think about it. After all, there’s no point in making it if she doesn’t actually get to read it, right?
“今度” as in “next time,” not “a bit later.” “作っとく” literally means “create in preparation,” so he’s saying he’s going to have the user’s manual ready for next time.
Hatsuyuki/Crunchyroll– “This Little Garden has various stages created for that purpose.”
Commie– “This Little Garden has various stages created with that purpose in mind.”
“その為のステージとして作られた” means “was created to be the stage for that purpose.” Little Garden in its entirety is one big stage.
“条件” means “conditions,” so “クリア条件” are the conditions that must be fulfilled to clear/win the game. Winning conditions and ways to win are two different things.
Hatsuyuki/Crunchyroll– “Black Rabbit guarantees that Little Garden is far more interesting than the lower world!”
Commie– “I’ll personally guarantee that the Little Garden is far more interesting than the lower world!”
“外界” means “outer world,” not “lower world.” Plain and simple.
Hatsuyuki– “including gods, demons, spirits, chimeras, humans. Here in the East Side, agriculture and cultivation is dominant, so everyone’s quite peaceful here. I’m sure you’re eager to explore the area, since you’ve just arrived.”
Commie– “Gods, demons, spirits, animal-human hybrids, humans. There are lots of agricultural districts here in the East Side, so everything’s quite peaceful. I’m sure you’re still itching to move around since you’ve just arrived.”
Crunchyroll– “Gods, demons, spirits, animal-human hybrids, humans. There are a lot of agricultural areas here in the East Side, so everyone’s quite peaceful here. I’m sure you’re still itching to move around, since you’ve just arrived.”
“獣人” aren’t chimeras, they’re therianthropes, which are part human. Chimeras are commonly known as being combinations of strictly animals aside from humans. “農耕地帯” is “agricultural land” and “多い” is “a lot,” so Hatsuyuki’s TLC made their line rather misleading. Lastly, “落ち着かない” means “feeling uneasy.” Since Asuka and You have just arrived, Jin suspects they’re feeling a bit overwhelmed by all the new things they’re experiencing (and therefore, feeling uneasy), so he suggests they go to a cafe to wind down.
“売って” means “sold,” and “買った” means “bought.” So Izayoi antagonized the water god (he “offered” the fight) and it took him up on his challenge.
This isn’t a mistake or anything; I just wanted to point it out because it’s kind of interesting. “名無しの権兵衛” is a colloquialism used to refer to someone that lacks a name. Think of it as the Japanese equivalent of “John Doe” or a Mr. Nobody.
Concluding Remarks: As of now, I don’t plan to grade translations in my reviews; I’ll just recommend what I felt was the best out of the lot. Hatsuyuki and Commie don’t seem to be TLCing Crunchyroll’s script, so there won’t really be any difference in terms of translation quality. Out of these three, just go with the one you felt had the best editing (and if you can’t decide for yourself, see if D_S’s editing-focused reviews help). Interrobang’s apparently subbing the show from scratch, so I’ll be writing a separate review for their release. Thanks for reading and I hope you got something out of it.