Script Comparisons: [HorribleSubs vs Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season (Episode 02 – Part 2)

Fansub Review, Translation Party — By on July 26, 2013 11:26 pm

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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I guess tomorrow is today.

Legend

// = New line in the release

<> = This line was typeset

Bolded group = This group had the best line for this comparison

 

Dressing & Women Sleeping Together

5:05->7:15

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.09_[2013.07.26_21.35.26] [HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.14_[2013.07.26_21.36.05]

HorribleSubs: I’m sure you feel apprehensive about wearing my lingerie // but at least borrow my pajamas.

Commie: I’m sure you’re not very keen on wearing my underwear, // but please, Hanekawa, borrow my pajamas at least.

I don’t like the order Commie’s words are in, but I like their words better than what was in the Aplex script. “apprehensive” gives a more fearful tone than is necessary — Hanekawa isn’t scared about the prospect of wearing Senjo’s underwear. I mean, it’s not like Senjo has crabs.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.18_[2013.07.26_21.36.21]

HorribleSubs: I’ll volunteer to throw out those sweats with a design so stupid a stupa would be better. // Not to mention you probably bought it at a thrift shop.

Commie: Take those obviously cheap sweats with a design that’d send a stupa into a stupor. // If you want, I’ll throw them away after you’re done with them.

http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stupa

WHAT IN THE FUCK

If this is the tier the translations are operating at, you’d be better off watching this show raw.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.25_[2013.07.26_21.36.50] [HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.29_[2013.07.26_21.37.10]

HorribleSubs: That outfit’s no good? // It’s terrible.

Commie: Huh? // What? // Not your underwear? // You’re awful!

Jesus Christ, Commie. I’m trying to be open-minded here, but you can’t put lines like this out and call it as a difference of opinion.

If you can’t translate, don’t play the fansub game. Find a better use for your talents, like downing a gallon of gasoline and lighting a cigarette.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.32_[2013.07.26_21.46.29]

HorribleSubs: Hanekawa, you’ve been growing your hair out since you cut it after the arts festival?

Commie: So Hanekawa, have you decided to grow your hair back out after all?

Commie skipped out on that arts festival shit, which honestly didn’t add much to the line (unless you’re one of those sticklers for useless information in scripts) and more importantly, came up with a decently phrased line. HS’s is too mouthy.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.40_[2013.07.26_21.48.06]

HorribleSubs: I guess. I haven’t gone to a hair salon since then.

Commie: Well, yeah. // I haven’t gone to a salon since I got rid of it.

Not seeing a significant difference here. We’ll just call this a double winner to even out that double knockout earlier.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.40_[2013.07.26_21.48.06]

HorribleSubs: Will you grow it out again?

Commie: Going long again?

You use “go long” when talking about football, not hair.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.46_[2013.07.26_21.48.18]

HorribleSubs: Not sure. I realized for the first time // after cutting my hair that long hair’s surprisingly less hassle to maintain.

Commie: Hmm… I dunno. // I only realized this after cutting it short, // but long hair was, surprisingly enough, easier to maintain.

I don’t like either line, but Commie’s consistent comma abuse in this release caused me to favor HS’s line.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_05.55_[2013.07.26_21.48.31]

HorribleSubs: Maybe that’s not too far-fetched a thought.

Commie: I suppose that might actually be true.

farfetchd always wins.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.04_[2013.07.26_21.48.45]

HorribleSubs: I have another futon that Father uses, but I don’t know… // I’m uneasy letting a high-school girl sleep in the futon a forty-something old man usually sleeps in.

Commie: We still have my dad’s mattress, but I’m not sure we should use it. // Making a high school girl sleep on a middle-aged man’s mattress just doesn’t seem right to me.

“uneasy” paints a better picture than “doesn’t seem right to me”.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.04_[2013.07.26_21.48.45]

HorribleSubs: Yes, there’s no choice. Hanekawa, let’s sleep together in my futon.

Commie: Guess we have no choice. // Sleep with me, Hanekawa.

Commie’s is more succinct, so we’ll go with it.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.21_[2013.07.26_21.50.29]

HorribleSubs: It’s all right. Rest assured I won’t do anything. // We’re just sleeping in the same futon. I won’t lay a finger on you.

Commie: It’s okay. It’s all right. It’s all good. // Relax, I won’t do a thing. // We’ll just be sleeping together on my bed, that’s all. // I won’t lay a finger on you.

It’s not a bed, Commie. Also, you’d say “in my bed” cuz they’re gonna be between the sheets. If you’re gonna be wrong, at least be right about it.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.25_[2013.07.26_21.50.38]

HorribleSubs: I think I’m understanding why you’re able to date Araragi.

Commie: I think I finally understand why you’re going out with Araragi.

Neither of these make much sense, but Commie’s make the least sense.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.28_[2013.07.26_22.01.02] [HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.29_[2013.07.26_22.01.21]

HorribleSubs: <I will not use Hanekawa as a body pillow!> // All right, I get it. Say no more. That wasn’t a concern.

Commie: <Hanekawa, I swear I won’t use you as a body pillow!> // It’s all right, I get it. // No big deal. I wasn’t worried to begin with.

It comes down to “That wasn’t a concern.” vs. “I wasn’t worried to begin with.” And no, they aren’t the same thing.

I’m going with Commie’s line on this one since Hanekawa definitely was concerned, but not to enough of a degree to be worried.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.37_[2013.07.26_22.01.38]

HorribleSubs: Then you can use my pillow. I’ll use Father’s.

Commie: Then you can use my pillow, Hanekawa. // I’ll just use my dad’s.

Slight lean toward HS on this one. Commie has a hard-on for including names no matter what, which hinders script flow at times.

It’s more pronounced in the rest of the release than here, though.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.37_[2013.07.26_22.01.38]

HorribleSubs: What about the option of you sleeping in your father’s futon?

Commie: What if you were to just sleep in your dad’s bed?

I can deal with your mattress localization, Commie, but you can’t call a futon a “bed”. The whole point is that Senjo’s living in a shitty little shack and they don’t even have enough room or money for proper beds like they used to.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.49_[2013.07.26_22.01.55]

HorribleSubs: If I were to sleep in his futon, I wouldn’t be able to sleep with you.

Commie: That’s not an option. If I did that, I wouldn’t be able to sleep with you.

Commie’s is more to-the-point, which fits Senjo’s personality better.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_07.02_[2013.07.26_22.02.36]

HorribleSubs: Besides, I actually have an Electra complex, so I’d get too excited to sleep if I slept in his futon.

Commie: Also, I actually have an Electra complex, // so whenever I lie down on my dad’s bed, // I get too aroused to sleep.

HorribleSubs, for reasons outlined before.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_06.58_[2013.07.26_22.02.14]

HorribleSubs: Senjougahara, you’re being too frank.

Commie: That’s way too much information, Senjougahara.

There we go. Some English for once in these god-awful scripts.

[HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_07.07_[2013.07.26_22.05.33] [HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_07.13_[2013.07.26_22.05.58] [HorribleSubs] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [720p].mkv_snapshot_07.16_[2013.07.26_22.06.06]

HorribleSubs: Well then, let’s go to sleep, my down-filled futon… // No, Hanekawa… // <Down feather      Hanekawa> // Nobody would ever say “down-filled futon” when thinking about saying “Hanekawa.”

Commie: Shall we sleep then, // down quilt? // Sorry, I meant Hanekawa. // <Down quilt      Hanekawa> // That was quite an unbelievable slip of the tongue.

Aniplex can’t match their sign TLs to their script, so I’m going with Commie on this. Also, HS mangled the scene-ending line.

 

tl;dr: Commie can’t translate and Aniplex can’t English. I’ll have to call HS the winner of this round, which makes it 2-1 in HS’s favor, which is pretty much the unfortunate conclusion I came to earlier. Another pathetic showing from the fansub scene.

 

 

I never knew food could be so deep

18:00->22:40

Canceled. These analyses take too fucking long and you get the picture by now. Time to go review some more shit.

Grade:
Show:
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19 Comments

Calyrica says:

Not done reading, but:

HorribleSubs: Not sure. I realized for the first time // after cutting my hair that long hair’s surprisingly less hassle to maintain.
Commie: Hmm… I dunno. // I only realized this after cutting it short, // but long hair was, surprisingly enough, easier to maintain.

HS is missing words. “less of a hassle”.

Dark_Sage says:

Works either way (feel free to Google Fight it or something). I’d be fine with either, but I’d rather go with “less hassle” simply because it’s more casual and I think that fits what the conversation was going for.

kokujin-kun says:

>http://www.thefreedictionary.com/stupa

>WHAT IN THE FUCK

Hopefully I’ll clear it up in my review.

…nah, just kidding. The line sounds stupid (heh) in Japanese too.

fnord says:

I can deal with your mattress localization, Commie, but you can’t call a futon a “bed”. The whole point is that Senjo’s living in a shitty little shack and they don’t even have enough room or money for proper beds like they used to.

———————————————–

This isn’t true. Futons are not cheaper than a cheap bed, but they can be rolled up to take up hardly any room.

I don’t see why the difference between futon and bed matters in the least.

Dark_Sage says:

Did you even read the second sentence of what you quoted?

fnord says:

Yeah. So? I still don’t see why putting ‘bed’ is such a big issue. Sure, someone might think Senjougahara has another room with, like, beds in it. But that’s pretty far-fetched, isn’t it? Normal people will know it refers to the futons they’re about to roll out right there.

Dark_Sage says:

Normal people don’t call Japanese futons, mattresses, or sleeping bags “beds”.

fnord says:

They don’t. But you’re exaggerating when you make it seem like nobody’s going to understand what’s going on.

Dark_Sage says:

Just because you can understand a line doesn’t mean it’s free of criticism. Were that the case, I could just replace this site with a gigantic banner saying “don’t trust your brain; every fansub is exactly the same” and save myself a whole lot of time.

returnity says:

HorribleSubs: It’s all right. Rest assured I won’t do anything. // We’re just sleeping in the same futon. I won’t lay a finger on you.

Commie: It’s okay. It’s all right. It’s all good. // Relax, I won’t do a thing. // We’ll just be sleeping together on my bed, that’s all. // I won’t lay a finger on you.

>It’s not a bed, Commie. Also, you’d say “in my bed” cuz they’re gonna be between the sheets. If you’re gonna be wrong, at least be right about it.
_________________________________

Not-quite-ironically, I would say I sleep in a futon, and HS used “in”. Also more generally, I’d say that a “bed” is a colloquial term for wherever you sleep, whereas the correct comparison to futon is mattress, which like a futon usually takes the preposition “on” for sleeping, whereas subs a bed is not a specific type of sleeping arrangement.

Dark_Sage says:

>Not-quite-ironically, I would say I sleep in a futon, and HS used “in”.

I don’t understand what you’re trying to say.

>whereas subs a bed is not a specific type of sleeping arrangement.

What in the fuck, returnity?

I think I understand one of your complaints — “a bed can mean any type of sleeping arrangement” — but I couldn’t even begin to work out what you were trying to say with the rest of your confused garble, so we’ll just address the bed issue.

It’s true that you can call anything you want a bed. A hobo could point to a park bench and say “this is my bed”, for example. But it’s also true that a bed is a fucking specific object that conjures up very specific imagery. And in this case, calling a futon a bed completely misses the point of Senjo’s living situation.

FalseDawn says:

Interesting side note: the verb “to bed down” doesn’t necessarily mean you’ll go to sleep in a bed. Not relevant to the conversation, but I thought it worth mentioning :D

Nevreen says:

>I mean, it’s not like Senjo has crabs.

D_S pls

Nevreen says:

>HorribleSubs: Will you grow it out again?

This is actually a really shitty line, and I prefer Commie’s version even though it’s not perfect.

Senjo /just/ asked Hanekawa if she’s growing out her hair, to which she responded with a vague “Yeah, I guess. I haven’t been to a hair salon recently.” Senjo asking the same question again right after is stupid.

Dark_Sage says:

Every line in both releases was shitty. Commie’s inability to understand how humans speak is more problematic here.

Nevreen says:

I should probably just make one big comment out of this, but fuck it. I’m just going to spam the section with single thoughts, and D_S can merge them if it bothers him.

>Commie: Hmm… I dunno. // I only realized this after cutting it short, // but long hair was, surprisingly enough, easier to maintain.

The comma usage here is correct and you can’t get rid of a single one without rewriting the line. However, the “I dunno” is incredibly egregious. Hanekawa would never use that kind of contraction.

Dark_Sage says:

I never said their comma use was incorrect. But try reading the line out loud. It’s way too pausey.

Nevreen says:

Final one:
>HorribleSubs: Besides, I actually have an Electra complex, so I’d get too excited to sleep if I slept in his futon.

“sleep if I slept”

This is some pretty shitty writing.

Dark_Sage says:

So it is.

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