Dragon’s Crown: I’m Offended

Article, Video Games — By on August 7, 2013 12:44 pm

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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As a white, virgin male, it is my duty and privilege to dedicate myself to stamping out the system of inequality and oppression that is known as sexuality. So when I noticed the video game Dragon’s Crown had female characters displaying those disgusting sexual appendages known as “breasts”, I knew I had to speak up.

Because if men don’t speak for women, who will?

Framing the Problem

For those of you who haven’t been enlightened by the brainiacs at NeoGaf, reddit, and SomethingAwful (yes, that site still exists, you male fascists), Dragon’s Crown (a Japanese game) is the worst video game to have ever been created in the history of ever. This is because the western video game industry has a known anti-female problem that was literally caused by Japan. No, I don’t need evidence because what I say so is fact because I said so.

Help, help, I'm being oppressed!

Help, help, I’m being oppressed!

Japan’s yoke is heavy on my back indeed. I’m going to need reparations for this.



Dragon’s Crown? More like “Dragon’s Sexism”

But if my eloquent writing hasn’t already convinced you that Dragon’s Crown is evil, perhaps these visual aids will.


According to Dragon’s Crown, women are sex objects.


While men are never.

See, I know that women aren’t attracted to musclebound brutes or the quick of wit. That’s what men are attracted to. Nay, women are attracted to those with softer souls who have never known a day’s labor harder than studying for that one test in Game Journalism Ethics 101. (I’d go out and prove this, but I’m saving myself for marriage.)

And that’s why George Kamitami (that slant-eyed 14-year-old creeper) is a disgusting monstrosity. Because he obviously doesn’t know women as well as I do.

I could get laid more often than eggs if I wanted. Seriously. I just don't want to.

I could get laid more often than eggs if I wanted. Seriously. I just don’t want to.

Okay, now that we’ve got the facts out of the way, let’s continue onto more of my deeply philosophical and intellectual criticisms of the game…’s character designs. Because everyone knows that’s the only thing that matters.



It’s not art if I don’t like it


Oh wow look at this

Now, I’m not easily offended, but boy did this offend me. I mean, this game is practically forcing me to fuck it. As feminism’s self-appointed representative, I do feel that I need rape counseling now. I feel so taken advantage of.

I can't stop myself. Someone help me.

I can’t stop myself. Someone help me.

Does anyone else understand the true pain of rape like I do? Gosh, it’s so difficult. I need comfort. :(

Wait, I’ve got it! I’ll just read more of my own writing. That’ll cheer me up. ^_^ So without further ado…



I mean, Vanillaware is Usually Great About This!

Trust me, I’m nothing if not consistent. So please don’t suggest that I’m currently only bitching about Dragon’s Crown because white knighting dumb tumblr slags in a vain, demeaning, and overly obvious attempt to get laid is the flavor of the month in the game journalism community. I truly love Vanillaware’s art and Japanese games in general usually!

Velvet-Odin's_Sphere Rain-GrimGrimoire muramasa-the-demon-blade

Honestly, I don’t even see these as women even. Who would ever call these girls sexualized? Not me, or I’d have blogged about it already!

So trust me when I say this is a very new issue that we need to stamp out immediately. Or, wait, did I say earlier it was an older one? Oh, who cares, reality doesn’t matter in the face of my feelings. I’m an important individual, I’ll have you know! I mean, just check out how many hits my my boss’s blog gets. Who needs reality for validation?



Don’t flaunt your sexuality

Let’s be clear, I don’t have a problem with women having breasts — it’s not their fault that female figures are inherently disgusting. I just have problems with them being visible.

Pictures like this just reinforce gender stereotypes. Ugh!

Pictures like this just reinforce gender stereotypes. Ugh!

So after much thought, I’ve come to the decision that covering these women up is the only way to combat sexism.

Look, I’m not a censor, but maybe this game should be censored. I’m not asking for much — just for the women to be completely clothed from head to toe.

Progressivism is progress

Progressivism is progress

We all know the female form is disgusting and the only way to prevent enlightened individuals such as myself from vomiting upon the sight of a female’s skin is to have the game’s makers kowtow to my completely reasonable demands.

After all, gender equality means if something doesn’t cater specifically to me, it shouldn’t exist.


This article was created with all due respect to the brilliant arguments of Jason Schreier, Rus McLaughlin, and various other whiners.



You can check their posts for yourself; you can’t make this shit up.




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Anonymous says:

I seriouly hope you didn’t delay my precious fansub reviews to write this instead.

Dark_Sage says:

What have I done

Nippa says:

I got a few good laughs. Well done.

Qrius says:

And here I thought this was aimed at the poor lady making YouTube videos for Kickstarter money…

Anon says:

Make the MC a guy not wearing a shirt, and nobody bats an eye.
Make the MC a girl showing off her cleavage, and the feminists lose their fucking minds.

dude says:

R u really a Virgin, dark_sage? So you’re like the typical fagsubbing faggot then,

Dark_Sage says:

Sangofe, plz

Your Enemy says:

Girlfriend pillows don’t count

Calyrica says:

> As a white, virgin male

Dark_Sage says:

Sometimes lies must be told for the sake of satire. Also, if everyone knew I was a cute Asian girl, why I’d just… uguu~

FalseDawn says:

He’s clearly black. The ebonics gave it away.

corocoro says:

Obviously. And I’m sure he said so before too.

FalseDawn says:

Not to mention that he’s stated he’s a girl on many occasions. And Calyrica has admitted to having lesbian relations with D_S. So what it should say is:

>As a black female pornstar

I would pay more attention to the content of the article then :D

stushi says:

Yep, you can clearly see his her huge black hand in the video whining about the S3 and being mean to it.
(I’m too lazy to search for the article)

Humanity says:

But that’s the best KIND of sexuality.

mahay says:

I’m offended because you feel that you’re offended.

ng says:

Need more of these gifs

Justinnnnnn says:

It’s a story a little bit old, but fun nonetheless. Didn’t know about those posts in the spoiler tag either.

Dragon’s Crown <3

aers says:

kill yourself

Sheep says:

This was a better use of my time than seeing shitposts on Nyaa comments to be honest.

I’m still going to kill myeslf by strangling myself with a dakimakura somehow, but it was a slightly better use of my time and more enjoyable.

Zeta says:

> Trust me, I’m anything if not consistent.
You did it again. :)

On a tiny, and practically irrelevant, side note: Is the game any good?

Dark_Sage says:

Fuck fuck fuck. I always do that. Edited.

The game is… all right. I got three of my buddies together for a rousing game of couch co-op that resulted in confusion and little else. Then I played it solo for a bit and got bored. So there are early game balance issues that never got worked out, but I think we’ll have some good times once we all know exactly what we’re doing.

Somehow I managed to escape from today’s gaming session without having enforced my privilege on anyone, but we’ll see how tomorrow goes.

Dork_Fag says:

I figured you’d be used to playing solo

FalseDawn says:

Wait… those are WOMEN??!!

Argh, my eyes! Where’s the acid?

Nyangoro says:

Check your privilege, cis wasp scum!

stushi says:

lol Kotaku
I can’t believe there was a time, not too long ago, when I actually used to frequent it.
Sad…so sad…

thecowgoesmoo says:

The Kotaku of today is very, very different from the Kotaku of old. The decline started when Crecente left for Verge/Polygon.

Dork_Fag says:

HAHAHA Someone respected Kotaku at some point in their life

cock-chan says:

Gayming is pretty much the bottom of the barrel of journalism, these people are desperate to prove that their lives aren’t dedicated to writing articles about well, games, for ad revenue from game publishers. Imagine someone asks you “what are you doing for life” and you shamefully answer “I’m a videogame journalist”. No, that’s not a useless job, I write articles on serious subjects like women oppression.
Although while parroting idiotic drivel ironically you’re still just parroting idiotic drivel.

Nevreen says:

I’d argue that making unfounded personal attacks under the veil of anonymity against people for having conflicting opinions with your own is the bottom of the barrel as far as being a mature human being is concerned, but this isn’t the place for such a discussion, so I’ll just leave it at that.

Dark_Sage says:

I agree, Nevreen. If you don’t attach your real name to internet posts, you’re a despicable human being. I’ll be looking forward to your username update.

Nevreen says:

That’s not at all what I said, but whatever makes you feel better.

Nyangoro says:

I got my name legally changed to Better Than You so that people wouldn’t have to wonder anymore.

Dark_Sage says:

You implied outright said cock-chan was “bottom of the barrel as far as a mature human being is concerned” for criticizing others whilst remaining anonymous.

Exactly what did I misread in your original post?

Nevreen says:

You ignored the “unfounded personal attacks for having differing opinions” part, which was really the crux of my post. Doing so from behind an anonymous username is really just the icing on the cake.

It’s very typical Internet behavior, and I’m not exactly surprised by it, but I figure it’s always worth asking for a minimum of civility.

Nevreen says:

Also, completely making up someone’s life from wild conjectures and baseless accusations isn’t “criticizing.” It’s being a douche.

But that’s sort of Crymore’s raison d’être, which is why I said I wasn’t going to pursue it any futher.

Nyangoro says:

Kotaku is totally clickbait “journalism” though :)

Dork_Fag says:

What’s your job, 711 clerk?

asdf says:

Nothing like a white male to expertly skewer dumb people’s(read: nonwhites and nonmales (god forbid both)) feelings on how they are portrayed in media with satire of a most biting degree. Instead of saying what you really meant, you said the opposite, you clever bastard. As one master-racer to another, I tip my fedora in your general direction. Good day sir (upvotes to da left!!!).

Dark_Sage says:

Ooh, someone woke up on the wrong side of the oppression fence today.

Hey says:

Like anyone actually gives a shit. I’m just mad after wasting my time reading about how clever you think you are.

Dark_Sage says:

Please, check your anger privilege.

Your Dad says:

Your mom knows the true pain of rape, that’s how you were conceived.

Justinnnnnn says:

what the

Dark_Sage says:

This is what happens when people reach max mad level.

Kiraly says:

I have this weird impression that the only reason *this* game is getting all this backslash (as opposed to every other bikini chainmail game out there) is because few people actually find these designs attractive.

As a white, female, bisexual part-time feminist I actually really dig what it looks like.

Firebird says:

Darksy, the excerpt is very well placed.

fohfuu says:

Damn, I wish I didn’t have to associate myself with the people that attack this game, but…dude. It’s not even attractive. The art style looks really, really bad, and all the girls have the same thousand-mile stare like they’re permanently high on K. The jiggle physics is insane, and the anatomy and colouring leaves much to be desired. Even if you don’t agree that the female characters are being objectified, both the gameplay and the art has been panned. Why are you defending it?

Anonymous says:

The colouring leaves much to be desired? I don’t really know what you’re talking about. And of course the characters aren’t exactly anatomically correct – they’re very obviously cartoonish exaggerations, both males and females alike.
I don’t think I’ve read a sigle review panning gameplay, though game ‘journalists’ are notoriously bad at properly describing and much less criticising gameplay.

fohfuu says:

The colouring makes everything – skin, hair, metal etc. – look like it’s covered in oil. And yeah, cartoonish visuals I can dig, but the proportions are kinda the opposite of what is supposed to be attractive in humans (people being 6/7 heads tall, for example), and these guidelines are there for a reason. The characters in Dragon’s Crown look far less human because of this.

Dark_Sage says:

>both the gameplay and the art has been panned

Strangely enough, my enjoyment of the game is not hindered by the poor taste of others — hypothetical or real. If you don’t like the art, that’s fine. We can disagree on that aspect.

My issue comes in when people take that dislike to a “my god, this Japanese game literally causes sexism in the west, so we have to do something about it” level, and try to enforce their prudish views on others. These people are part of the reason I still have to wonder about whether the next game I pick up is gonna be censored or not, and fuck them for it.

fohfuu says:

Man, it’s the soccer moms that can be blamed for censorship, not tumblrfags. The government actually pays very little attention to feminists and such, it’s the vast herds of conservative cattle that think games are going to kill their children that are hindering games.

And speaking as someone who regularly draws attractive, scantily-clad ladies, I am seriously not prudish. Not everyone who dislikes Dragon’s Crown is a prude (for some reason, I’ve been accused of this a lot on the Internet) – for example, here is a women I drew a few months ago. http://fohfuu.deviantart.com/art/Chinese-Dance-326833606?q=gallery%3Afohfuu&qo=2 See how she has big boobs and her thighs showing, but doesn’t actually look like a sex worker (imo)? It gives the illusion of nakedness (by having her go braless), while also giving her some dignity.

PS: boobs are not actually bags of air attached to women’s chests, and don’t billow in the wind like in that gif in the article. It’s really rather comical how many artists and animators seem to think this.

Dark_Sage says:

I guess I didn’t phrase my original reply well enough. If you dislike the art, fine. I have no qualms with that.

I wasn’t actually referring to the government when I was talking about censorship. The US government didn’t call Capcom out for having black people in Resident Evil 5, did they? Nor was it the government NISA was afraid of when they censored Mugen Souls. I’ll give that Nintendo censored Fire Emblem out of deference to both social conservatives and the unwashed enlightened ones… But it sure as fuck ain’t crusty old grandmas who are the main force behind trying to ruin gaming anymore.

fohfuu says:

As far as I knew, not that many games were being censored these days. If anything, it’s gotten a lot better since the days of Earthbound (http://legendsoflocalization.com/earthbound) for example. The feminists which seem so vocal on the Internet are few in numbers, and I seriously doubt that it was to appease them rather than the buying parents of gamers and to widen the audience they sell to in the US and Europe. Female gamers unsurprisingly get turned off by this stuff, and contrary to belief, about half of all gamers are women.
Of course, they wouldn’t have to censor the games if they drew females reasonably.

Calyrica says:

Censorship in games is ridiculous. Xenosaga Episode 3 had all of the blood taken out, which means when young Shion cups her hands under her mother’s dead body and says, “I have to put it back. I have to put it back. Otherwise, mom’s gonna go away,” she’s holding a bunch of air and the scene now makes zero sense and lacks all intended emotional impact. And don’t get me started about Episode 2 — In the Japanese version, Albedo blows his head off with a gun. In the US version? He somehow summons an energy ball. No explanation on how he’s able to summon an energy ball, by the way. He hasn’t awakened to his powers of crazy yet, so he shouldn’t be able to summon anything like that.

corocoro says:

If you think you have it bad, look at what they’re doing for the German releases. Green blood, hello!

FalseDawn says:

That’s because everyone in Germany is made of snot. Fact.

Justinnnnnn says:

>The art style looks really, really bad,

>and the anatomy and colouring leaves much to be desired

I stopped reading any further comments.


fohfuu says:

Okay, the first one is just my opinion, but the anatomy is all over the place. Thighs don’t look like that. Pecs don’t look like that. Cartoonish styles are supposed to embellish or simplify the human body, not just make shit up and pretend it is while hiding behind the shield of “style”.
And the colouring is shit.

Dark_Sage says:

Are you trying to argue that because you don’t like how Kamitami drew the characters that it’s not art?

fohfuu says:

Not at all! It’s just bad art. This game is not trying to push artistic boundaries, and that’s pretty much the only reason you would go against centuries of learning how to draw people right. Stuff like colouring the skin with more than one hue, drawing people 7 heads high etc. is there because it is attractive to the eye more than someone 9 heads high with thighs larger than their heads. It doesn’t matter if it’s stylized. It’s as shit as the stuff I came out with when I was 12, this guy just stopped growing as an artist and practised hard at looking like shit.

Dark_Sage says:

If you only want to view art through the eyes of a realist, then you’re entitled to that sheltered opinion. But don’t pretend like you have company among the cognizant.

fohfuu says:

Realist? Really?…Really? I linked you an image about 2 posts up, drawn by me, in an unrealistic style, and I’m a realist?
Are you even trying?

Dark_Sage says:

I had scrubbed the image from my mind. Thanks for bringing it back up, jerk. :(

fohfuu says:

Two Ad Hominems in a row! I must be winning or something.
Here’s some food for thought; do you really think this (http://rero.bg/files/2013/03/dragons-crown-Sorceress.png) looks better than this (http://tinypic.com/r/2cym8fo/5)? I actually increased the bust and hip size, by the way.

Dark_Sage says:

I don’t see the difference. I can tell you I like the sorc better than your art, though.

fohfuu says:

If you can’t see the difference, then you aren’t looking very hard. Her legs are about 15% smaller, for a start.
And besides, if this little change would sate feminists and you wouldn’t notice it, why do you care?

Dark_Sage says:

1. Nothing sates feminists.
2. Why are you even photoshopping this shit? I don’t see where you’re going with this and I don’t care. Are you insane?
3. Seriously.

fohfuu says:

1. Okay, how about sating the haters of this game? Then more people can enjoy this game that you feel so strongly about.
2. To show you that it’s not about exaggerated proportions, it’s about bad drawing skills.

D_S, as much as I appreciate you weeding out the worst subs, it really saddens me how often you resort to shitty arguments. Okay, you have to deal with the anime subbing community, but you could at least try some different tactics than insults and strawmen.

Dark_Sage says:

You don’t really have an argument to go off, so when I call you a wannabe art neophyte with art illiteracy it’s because I’m trying to eke some value out of your stupidity for my audience. We’ve established that you don’t know what you’re talking about, so the least I can do is provide some entertainment for my readers in the form of dressing you down.

You somehow feel that
A. The people who don’t like Dragon’s Crown art are reasonable AND that you’re somehow the mediator between them and Kamitami AND that by photoshopping the sorceror’s thighs down you’ll sate them AND, well, I can’t even go on. There’s so much fucked-uppedness going on in that head of yours I can’t even begin to get a hold of what your main point is, nor do I want to.
B. The picture you drew is terrible. It is honestly godawful. (Some of) your art is the kind of shit I’d display in a post ironically — you have no place talking about bad drawing skills.
I’m not saying that because you suck at art you can’t criticize others. But hypocrisy is not an admirable character trait.

Mitsukai says:

I miss the days when people played video games because they were fun and a way to pass the time, and not because they felt they had to figure out whether it had subliminal messaging in the form of sexism, racism, or any other ism.

RIP in pieces my childhood. :(

Nyangoro says:

Happens with every new medium, and has happened in this particular medium since long before now.

Just have to ride it out.

Although, in this instance, it’s mostly just a vocal minority, who adore overgeneralization, preaching across mediums.

stushi says:

What I’m offended about is the fact that someone called “Dark_Sage” wrote an article on Calyrica And Kokujin’s FUN TIMES Anime Blog without prior notice.
And it’s not even about anime! *gasp*

bouncinbust says:

Love this game. Trolling thread. Love the empty arguments.

K.Singh says:

You’re right the game is disgusting because it portrays a woman as a sexual object instead of a warrior in that game.

K.Singh says:

Can you remove my post. I didn’t read the whole of your article. You insult women by calling them disgusting but at the same time call yourself a feminist? Men who view women as objects (just like you did and others commenting) and do not see them as humans by appreciating them for their character and mind are animals.

fohfuu says:

See, this is what I mean. You just pour out insult after insult and take a huff because I call you out on it.
Ad Hominem is a fallacious argument, and there is little point in trying to defend it. You want to hunt around my dA for the shittiest artwork I’ve done? Great. Well done. You have proven that a 17-year-old Chemistry student isn’t good at art. How does this prove that Kamitami is good at his job?

My point is that his art isn’t executed well, and is unsightly.
Your point is that I’m a poopyhead *sticks tongue out*

Maybe if you would actually reply to what I’ve written I’d be offended, but right now, a guy that can’t see the difference between two drastically different images saying that my drawing stinks isn’t exactly tearing my heart out of my chest. Hide behind the imaginary crowd of observers if you want, but no more than one or two people care about a grown man arguing with a teenage nobody.

Dark_Sage says:

Well it comes down to I like it and you don’t. Where do we go from there? It’s out there, deal with it. There’s no value in you trying to strike a “happy medium” when I don’t give a fuck so long as the chicks have cute, googly anime eyes. We could argue for days until we’re blue in the face, but we’re not gonna change each others’ aesthetic analyses so why are you fucking wasting my time?

Also, I’m only 35. So I wouldn’t say I’m a “grown man”. Jerkface.

fohfuu says:

The problem is that I have valid reasons for disliking the art, and you kept protesting them on extremely weak premises (such as saying I’m a hypocrite or straight up implying things I’m not saying). You like the art? That’s great! But that doesn’t mean it’s that it is actually any good, that you have to defend it. Hell, I like Oku-sama Wa Mahou Shoujo and objectively it’s terrible.

And yeah, I assume that last bit’s sarcasm.

fnord says:

I thought the art was supposed to be camp.

fohfuu says:

I don’t really think that’s the word you’re looking for…

fnord says:

I’m positive it is.

fohfuu says:

Okay, a quick Google tells me of a different meaning of camp that I didn’t know.

One of the reasons I’m getting so riled up about this is because it’s hiding behind “style” to excuse the problems in the art. Exaggerated proportions and caricature can be used in a way that appeals to everyone (even with sexualised females) but the artists who worked on this game were not trying to perfect their craft, they just shoved tits in our face and call men who don’t like it “gay”.

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