Turning Japanese – Episode 11: Hold Your Tempur(a)

Article — By on March 30, 2014 8:20 pm

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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In today’s episode, Dark_Sage attempts to conquer the hidden Japanese dish “tempura shrimp roru”. Translated into English, the roll consists of “decapod crustaceans covered in crunchy stuff and mayonnaise”. Let’s see how he did!


Due to the modern invention of pre-made food, I was able to attain seafish straight from the Ocean of Japan with minimal effort on my part. My previous ten attempts at becoming Japanese have each ended in failure at the home prep stage, so I finally wised up and had the local Japanese chef, Gabriella, make me some.

Contrary to popular weeaboo belief, there actually are spoons in Japan.

Contrary to popular belief, there actually are spoons in Japan, so using one to consume sushi is perfectly valid.



With the strength of a thousand gozaimashitas, I shoveled the roll into my mouth hole without gagging even once.

Imagine the leaves as rorus.

Imagine the leaves as rorus for a more accurate depiction of my experience.

And as per custom, I finished off the meal with a sugoi serving of Ron Burgundy’s Limited Edition Scotchy Scotch Scotch Ice Cream Product from Ben & Jerry’s (all rights reserved).

I swear to you this isn't a stock image. I'm just that good.

This isn’t even a stock image. I’m just top-tier at camerarering.

It was pretty good.



Unfortunately, while I successfully consumed both dishes in typical Japanese fashion, I acquired the sushi at full price, rather than through the time-honored tradition of battling with wolves over half-price food covered in plastic.


“Defeat is less good than victory.” -Sun Tzu-san.

Dark_Sage has once again failed to become Japanese. His quest continues.

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Humanity says:

Ben-To was a fun show.

Dark_Sage says:

It was too good for Japan. RIP my season 2…

Humanity says:

Funimation picked it up for release though… so that’s interesting. I can’t think of the last time I saw them go back and license a show from 3 or more years ago if it wasn’t a license rescue.

Dark_Sage says:

I don’t think Funi has enough love for Ben-to (or even enough money) to bankroll a second season.

Humanity says:

Well I never said THAT. I just thought it was odd that they licensed it at all. Especially since I don’t remember it being a huge hit or anything. I’m not complaining, though.

Dark_Sage says:

Fair enough. Yeah, I’m p. hyped.

Hunta says:

Unfortunately the convenience store where we were going to duke it out for the right to buy the food that went on sale went out of business about a week after Ben-To aired. We never got to implement the idea.

Justinnnnnn says:

Seafood’s good and healthy, I’m lucky enough that I can eat fish and shrimp from sunday to wednesday. It’s also delicious.

Poorfag says:

How do you manage to pull that off? Seafood is several times more expensive than chicken here in the states, ranging from $6-$10+ per pound.

Justinnnnnn says:

Here in Mexico, I’m in a small place called Toluca where everything is incredibly cheap. Three fillets and a 1-portion-sized bag of shrimps is less than 10 dollars! It’s insane(ly good). In my hometown in Argentina, this was impossible. Fish is a lot healthier than chicken too, of course.

Qrius says:

And here I thought you’ve long since kicked the bucket… Turns out it was full of seafood!

HyakuPercent says:

More like full of mercury poisoning.

cheshyre says:

Looks like you are farther along on your quest than I am, D_S. Still, we both have quite a ways to go.

peleg says:

>wanting to turn into a Japanese

top fucking lel


by using spoons? yuss top lel

nazi says:

worse than victory

zanon says:

>not Ben-san & Jerry-san’s Suburashi Iceu Creamu
Dark-sensei. Onegai.

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