Best Girls of Spring 2016: Initial3 Edition

Article, Spring 2016 — By on May 22, 2016 2:19 am

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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A top 10 list curated with the assistance of Dr. Pepper and Mr. Maker’s.



I was originally going to do my Flying Witch reviews today (which I started writing four weeks ago), but then I realized I didn’t want to. So I got to thinking: what is it Dark_Sage really wants to talk about? And the answer is flatter-than-2D depictions of (as tumblr protests) clearly unreasonable standards and unattainable ideals. That are fapworthy. From the first three episodes of each show this season. …And only ten of them.

Specific? Sure. But if I know you, this is the kinda shit you’ve been waiting… holy shit, over a fucking month for? Yeesh. All right, well let’s not make you wait any longer.

Fucking nothing, that's what.

Fucking nothing, that’s what. Bring on the list.



Number 10


??? – Bishoujo Yuugi Unit Crane Game Girls


I don’t know her name cuz my pride wouldn’t let me watch this low-budget show past the first frame. But I still fapped to her because you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Or something.



Number 9


Alicia – Endride


She’s the only girl in the oscar mayerfest that is Endride. And as my racist grandpa always said, “If you wanna get your dick wet in a desert, even a cactus will do.”

RIP old man, even though you’re probably burning in the tenth layer of hell.



Number 8


The Wino – Ragnastrike Angels


The show has a runtime of 30 seconds, so for me to pick out the alcoholic as prime waifu material… you know what, let’s not draw any conclusions from my choices here. Onto the next one.



Number 7


Bulimia-chan – Mayoiga


This chick does nothing but vomit on people, which gets me going for all the wrong reasons. If this show turned into the battle royale it deserved (instead of the PG-rated sleeping aid it ended up), she’d probably even be top 3.



Number 6


Cat-sensei – Netoge


Bad puns turn meow-n.

Yandere-chan p. good, but not good enough.

Yandere-chan p. good, but not good enough. ;_;



Number 5


Naomi – Bungou Stray Dogs


Sure, she fucks her own blood. But goddamn is she cute, let’s be honest.

This is the one instance where I’d accept sloppy seconds, cuz statistically half that DNA is hers anyway, right?



Number 4


Miko-san’s Face – Kuma Miko


Miko-san ain’t a great character, I’ll give you that. Her face, though? Now it’s time for you to give me something. (A tissue, plz.)



Number 3


The Entire Cast of Sansha Sanyou


Never has there been such a memorable cast of QTs. Congrats, Japan. This time you truly got there.



Number 2


Miyano Echizen – Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge


The only yankee this southern boy* would accept.

*I mean, I’m a midwesterner, and the midwest is basically the south of the north, so… You know what, look, it was a good play-on-words. Just let me have this.



Number 1


Dark_Sage cosplaying Naruto Uzumaki (from an anime called Naruto)


(It’s 2 AM, give me a fucking break, I thought it was a good idea at the time.)

That’s right motherfuckers, best girl of Spring 2016 is me-sama. You thought this was a personal top-10 list when it reality it was a guide for you. To me. Lewis & Clark’d, baby~




In case you’re wondering, yes, I did watch several shows to reach these expert conclusions.

There were even some good ones there.

Even some good ones.

Here’s a list:


Note: Purple = Top 5


Normal Shows:

Title Ep 01 Ep 02 Ep 03
12-sai 6 Dropped N/A
Ace Attorney Dropped N/A N/A
Anne Happy (No. 2)
9 9 9
Bakuon Dropped N/A N/A
Big Order 7 7 8
Boku no Hero Academia 6 6 6
Bungou Stray Dogs 9 8 8
Endride 6 5 5
Flying Witch 8 8 8
Haifuri Dropped N/A N/A
Hundred Dropped N/A N/A
Joker Game 8 7 8
Kiznaiver 7 6 6
Koutetsujou no Kabaneri 10 9 9
Kuma Miko – Girl Meets Bear (No. 1)
10 10 10
Kuromukuro 8 Dropped N/A
Macross Delta 7 7 Dropped
Mayoiga 7 7 7
Netoge no Yome wa Onnanoko ja Nai to Omotta 8 8 8
Re:Zero kara Hajimeru Isekai Seikatsu (No. 3) 10 9 9
Sakamoto Desu Ga 7 Dropped N/A
Sansha Sanyou 8 8 8
Shounen Maid Dropped N/A N/A
Seisen Cerberus 7 7 5
Sousei no Onmyouji 8 8 8
Super Lovers Dropped N/A N/A
Tanaka-kun wa Itsumo Kedaruge (No. 4) 9 9 9



Title Ep 01 Ep 02 Ep 03
Space Patrol Luluco 8 8 9
Pan de Peace 5 3 3
Wagamama High Spec 4 4 4
Onigiri 7 7 6
Bishoujo Yuugi Unit Crane Game Girls Dropped N/A N/A
Ragnastrike Angels 9 9 9
Usakame (No. 5) 9 9 9


Turns out my German blood allows me to keep track of more than just how many Jews died in the Holocaust. Thanks, Granddad.

Tags: ,


vipirius says:

You put the wrong pic in no 3 btw. Or the wrong anime name. Either way, something is wrong.

Dark_Sage says:

Pretty sure it’s right.

Cickany says:

>no girl from Re:Zero
>no Mumei
>no Rin

Dark_Sage says:

>no girl from Re:Zero

>no Mumei
Mumei is trash and Kabaneri is awful.

>no Rin
Literally who?

moron says:

your taste in girls is pretty good, but as for anime, it’s as bad as always

i also don’t know why you wasted your money on a tracksuit with some retarded logo on it
at least you look good in it

Dark_Sage says:

I look good in anything. And, as some lucky kids have discovered, nothing as well.

dude says:

There’s a criminal lack of Schwein here.

Dark_Sage says:

Even if this post was limited to the 10 best girls of Netoge, Schew wouldn’t make the cut.

dude says:

That’s even more criminal.

Kamil says:

Number 3 pic is Anne Happy cast :)

Dark_Sage says:

Fairly certain it’s the Sansha Sanyous.

Anon says:


Shinny says:

>Dropped Kuromukuro and keeps Sousei no Onmyouji and Boku no Hero Acadamia.

Shit dawg.

Dark_Sage says:

Kuromukuro is basically Macross x Power Rangers with a lower cap than either. Also it’s boring.

Academia is… well, there’s a crazy chick coming up. And for Sousei, it’s an exceptional adaptation of a mediocre shounen, which puts it right in my wheelhouse.

Lucas says:

On Number 3, isn’t that AnneHappy?

On Number 2, isn’t that Echizen?

Dark_Sage says:

Nope, that’s the Sanshas. Quite frankly, the casts of Anne Happy and Sansha Sanyou are so unique and inspired for happy-go-lucky slice-of-wife high school moe animes that it surprises me anyone could confuse them.

For no.2, uhh… yeah, whoops.

Ambulator says:

The purple haired girls in Anne Happy and Sansha Sanyou look about the same, but that top knot in your number three is distinctly Anne, and the middle girl who is so bandaged up is the girl who gets hurt all the time in Anne Happy.

Not that I would have noticed it if Lucas and Kamil hadn’t pointed it out.

Period says:

nice meme

Anon says:

>hating on SoLs, the pinnacle of japanimation

We’re not friends anymore.

Bones says:

D_S you going to Anime North?

monomono says:

Ace Attorney got a lot better by the time it got to case 3, so I suggest picking it back up again

jymmy says:

No, it didn’t. It’s as pure shit as it ever was.

Kamica says:

SoL is one of my favorite genres and even I dropped Sansha Sanyou.

Anon says:

Then SoL is not your favourite genre. Fuck off.

Dark_Sage says:

P. much. Sanshas is great.

Anon says:

>number 3


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