Octopath Traveler is a Game Only a Racist Could Like

Octopath Traveler is a Game Only a Racist Could Like

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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A white progressive’s view of a Japanese-targeted game.

Tonight’s theme:


Intro / Progression

4K is the future of gaming.

Octopath Traveler is Japan’s college student answer to Skyrim. As an “open-world” game here’s the path I took:

    1. Have to choose one of the 8 characters to start with, better pick carefully
      • If you pick anyone but Teresa you’ve already lost
    2. Go through Teresa’s chapter 1
      • Just like a classic RPG! Battles, exploration, awful graphics! ~wut nostalgia~
    3. Carefully travel around the map, assembling a party of tropes with less flavor than a box of cheerios
      • Yes, I mean the box itself
    4. Spend time grinding to reach the minimum levels recommended by the game for the next chapter
      • Uh-oh, maybe the combat is less classic than it is shit
    5. Find out you can save scum for end-game equipment and infinite money
      • Because of who I am, this is appealing
    6. Realize that even if you’re gussied up like a medieval Lady Gaga, the combat is still painfully boring, the characters are little more than NPCs who don’t acknowledge one another’s existence, and you essentially paid 60 bucks and 20 hours for an RPGMaker reject
      • Squenix’d_again.bmp

Yet after dropping the game at the 20-hour mark, I realized that if I wanted to avoid a hoard of low-T fuckbois whining in the comments about how I didn’t really play it, I’d have to run this shit to completion. So I pumped in another 50 hours to beat it harder than those Ninty fans’ fathers beat them.

Hat gives minus one to defense against parental abuse. Pour one out for Reggie.


Gameplay – Combat

me irl

If the above battle looks boring, that’s because it is. Every instance of combat — from the very beginning to the post-game content — is an exercise in tedium. Each mind-rotting battle plays out the same way: hit an enemy weakness enough times that the shield gauge drops to 0, and then you unleash your strong attacks now that your damage can get through. How fucking novel.

For boss battles, this makes a certain amount of sense, but that sort of logic should not be applied to every goddamn uninspired group of re-colored mobs. Eventually I hit a point where avoiding/running from encounters was the only game I was playing.

Running from mobs or running from life? You decide.

The closest real-world example to Octopath’s combat would be slowly pouring a bottle of ghost pepper sauce into your urethra. About as recommended as watching Twitch streams.


Gameplay – Bosses

Thicc thots, bad thoughts

A hallmark of any good RPG is meaningful, memorable bosses. But as we have already established, Octopath Traveler is not a good RPG.

Take Teresa’s final boss: Teresa spent her entire story sussing out the true meaning of treasure (spoilers: it was the friends we made along the way), and the culmination of her efforts is a showdown with some random kleptomaniac who nicked a useless diary from her. And when I say ‘random’ I mean it literally — that bulimic meth head up there has absolutely no significance beyond making me rub my dick raw.

Oh, there’s also a final boss, hidden behind a couple shitty sidequests, that starts off with an 8-boss rush, followed by a two-part onslaught of the worst RNG bullshit that gaming has to offer. If boss-kun hits his crits during any point of that, you instantly lose all progress and have to start the 2-hour battle over again. Fun.

Still, Octofags can fuck off; I beat it try 1.


Characters – Overworld Gameplay

Gameplay as good as the official art.

Octopath’s gimmick is that you have 8 characters, 4 of whom can be in your party, and each of which has a “unique” overworld skill. But some skills are more equal than others, so you’ll find yourself with a party as diverse as a reddit comments section.

Want to be able to open every treasure chest and get end-game equipment for free? Welp, guess that means Therion’s going to be a staple in your party. Maybe you’re looking to improve party skills, get special items, and build the town equipment store’s stock up? It’s Alfyn or bust. How about opening doors to “secret” areas and completing sidequests? Bold choice friend; Olberick and Ophilia it is.


Honestly all I bought this game for was the ability to have a party of four chicks so I could at least pretend I was heading up a carpet-muncher convention gone wrong. Yet when I finally understood the gameplay mechanics I found I was as out of luck as a dude attending said con.

Maybe it’s time to replay FFXII.

Scratch that; it’s definitely time to replay FFXII.


Characters – Interaction

These 8 characters hardly deserve the moniker of “character”. We somehow got a group of 8 that are all even more bland than the tropes they’re based on. I thought of giving y’all examples by putting down a sentence for each that wholly describes every character individually, but I can sum it up in one: They’re shit.

Some of the advert art’s aight, tho.

The whole point of an ensemble cast of characters is getting to watch the unique personalities bounce off one another. However, the only way to get your characters to even acknowledge the others exist is by having specific characters in your party at specific points in the stories. This earns you a 10-line “dialogue” per chapter on the most inane shit ever. Plus there’s only like two lines of innuendo to even screencap. Fucking bullshit.


By the end of the game I ended up skipping the dialogues because those 30 seconds were better spent analyzing how the fuck I got myself into a situation where I would put myself through hell just for a drunknacht post on a blog I killed off half a decade ago.

I drink to forget the answer to that.



There honestly is none, unless you count a couple lines of ass-pull in the end-game dungeon which you’re not even reaching till you’re 50 hours in, and not beating till you’re 60+ invested.

Not even fucking with you, this section of word vomit is the only point at which you learn what the “real” story of the game is. Worth it? No.


tl;dr/Final Score


Octopath Traveler gets a 2/10. Nintendo fans should kill themselves.

19 thoughts on “Octopath Traveler is a Game Only a Racist Could Like”

  1. You sound like a sad 12 year old anime weeb. I lost my shit multiple times while reading this “review” because almost everything you say is nonsense and cringey.

  2. Are you retarded? Why would only a racist enjoy it (OR are you just throwing that world around because you still think a thesaurus is a dinosaur)? Jesus, don’t have kids you loser.

  3. Not hating on your opinion or anything, but none of these have anything to do with racism, also, just because you didn’t like it, doesn’t mean it’s a bad game, if you wanted exciting action-packed battles, why did you buy a JRPG?

  4. Wow, you nailed it. You actually pulled off an extremist view from all the bad game’s “journalists” and put it into one Article. The best part is that you bait racism the most, but yet never acknowledge the theme or any evidence that points to it. I hope you really work hard and write for a great publisher and that this banter is just a throw away account.

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