[NSFW] Things I Fapped to and/or Didn’t Fap to Between the Hours of 7:00 PM and 9:00 PM ET

Article — By on September 4, 2018 8:23 pm

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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Tiddies ahoy.

 

Woke up this morning and was feeling a bit ambivalent about where my life was going. As everyone knows, Twitter has good opinions, so I thought I’d ask the people’s people what to do.

Honestly, I was completely craving flat chest all day at work, but fuck it, I’ll make it work.

So here we go. Y’all like con posts? What about cum posts? Boom. Clever. In for it.

 

7:05 Opened my computer. Late start, cuz I was busy getting drunk.

 

7:06 Realized onee-san was not a tag on nhentai. Forced to search via the shotacon tag.

 

7:08 First try: https://nhentai.net/g/245436/

It was all right. Puffy anus is a plus, but it was way too short to get me anywhere but 2 inches in.

 

7:12 Second try: https://nhentai.net/g/245357/

Should’ve known what I was getting into from the album cover, but I was all about dark skin at this point in the fap game.

Had to scroll back for it, but this was the primer shot.

 

7:18 Let it roll: https://nhentai.net/g/244427/

You know, I was expecting a lot more from this one, gonna be honest.

 

7:22 Oh fuck I’ve forgotten the theme: https://nhentai.net/g/245152/

Score: 1

 

7:25-7:48   Clean up on aisle me

Come on down to the ole watering hole

 

7:49 Realize I should put some music on so the neighbors don’t suspect I’m a virgin incel weeb.

 

7:50 Joke’s on you, atheists. Now that my balls have expelled half their mass across my glasses, I’m not into little boys anymore. Now I’m into little… uhh… little 1000-year-old girls. Yeah. That’s socially acceptable. Let’s go.

 

7:50:01 Lesgo https://nhentai.net/g/245190/

Not to be transphobic, but dickgirls ain’t my thing.

 

7:54 Piss in the sink and contemplate how admittedly fapping to what appear as little girls might hurt my sagely image. I mean, if cons give me a press badge after this point that would mean they’re tacitly endorsing degeneracy, right?

 

7:55 Okay maybe one more: https://nhentai.net/g/243252/

At this point I brought out the lotion cuz I was already bleeding. I’m old; sue me.

 

8:02 temporary lapse of judgment: https://nhentai.net/g/189597/

sry for the normalporn

 

8:07 Return to the party

Is it weird I got off to this shot?

 

8:11-49 Can’t remember

how did I get here again

 

8:50 Roll into some: https://nhentai.net/g/231876/

Maybe I should finish Love Live.

 

8:54:39: new music taimu

 

8:57:21 Realize if I can’t get off within the next 3-some minutes I will be ridiculed for impotency the world over

 

8:57:51 Hype music comes on

 

8:57:54 Strongly eye the guro tag

 

8:57:58 Come to my senses and go for some https://nhentai.net/artist/sakura-romako/

 

8:59 Yeah, I can do this: https://nhentai.net/g/152484/

 

8:59:59 Good Jesus, time to prove you don’t exist: https://nhentai.net/g/131015/

8:59:59:99 Mark it.

 

After this point I think I’ve run out of ideas for this no-effort shitpost. :(

/night, fam. And always remember: Dulce Vida isn’t worth it  — the food coloring is a lie.



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5 Comments

okaber says:

I fapped to this

Dark_Sage says:

me too

Anon says:

You must be new here.

bozzzzzz says:

“Piss in the sink and contemplate how admittedly fapping to what appear as little girls might hurt my sagely image”
haha, don’t worry about lost causes :D

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