Grandia’s battle system is made of dicks, and the dicks have AIDS

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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The only reason I’m playing Grandia 3 (as seen in my previous post) is due to the characters in it. That is, I’m playing in spite of the battle system. But reviewers (the geniuses that they are) seem to think that Grandia has the BEST BATTLE SYSTEM ever.

Gamer2.0:

Grandia III could be a bit deeper on the length and replay value, but if you […] get everything you can out of the combat, this game will give you your 40 hours of addiction and then some.

PlayUK:

Does almost everything well […] and does one thing – the battle system – better than any other RPG we’ve seen.

Diginews:

there’s plenty to love about the combat system; ever since its introduction, one of Grandia’s top selling points has been its exciting, innovative take on turn-based battle systems.

JustRPG:

What it lacks in an original storyline and length, it more than makes up for with its gorgeous graphics, interesting characters, and polished to perfection battle system.

I could go on and on with this shit, but I’ll spare you the ass-kissing of these dipshits.

Let me explain to you what the battle system is. It is ATB (active time bar), except it’s ATC (active time circle). I’m sure you’ve played Final Fantasy 7, so think of that system except now in a circle, with worse enemies and more boring button-mashing and you have an idea of what the Grandia series is.

That is literally it. There is nothing special about these boring, boring battles. The only time you need to do anything OTHER than mash x is when you need to press the D-pad up once and continue mashing X. Boring as fuck. In fact, I found myself trying to AVOID the battles in every Grandia game I played (Grandia 2, 3, and Xtreme) because they just suck so much.

tl;dr: Fuck Grandia and fuck its fans.

6 thoughts on “Grandia’s battle system is made of dicks, and the dicks have AIDS”

  1. Sounds like you’re too stupid to understand the battle system if you think it’s like the ATB system but with “more button mashing”. Did you try using criticals, or evading, or focusing your magic AoEs in the optimal positions? You must have had to do a massive amount of grinding to stay on top of Grandia III if you’re too dumb to strategize.

    Oh, and playing Grandia III “for the characters” is like buying Playboy for the articles. Nobody really does that.

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  2. lol. I use to own grandia-online.net (check it out via TheWayBackMachine). Anyhow I really enjoyed the battle system of 2 & 3 but didn’t like Xtreme, and haven’t ever gotten around to playing the first game.

    However as far as turn-based battle-systems go, I thought Shadow Hearts 3 had the best. The Legend of Dragoon and Final Fantasy X are honorable mentions though.

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