Here, I analyze the character of Astarotte Ygvar from the anime Astarotte’s Toy/Lotte no Omocha.
Astarotte’s Toy is as awkward as it can be. A ten-year-old succubus is the main character. The plot revolves around the idea of succubi needing to survive by consuming male semen, or “lifeseed” (source: episode one, 4:46-4:52). The rules for the consumption of lifeseed are similar to those for vampires (vampires can’t eat food – it has to be blood). Now, I don’t give a shit that the show’s about a ten-year-old sucking dudes off for sustenance (I live in America and this shit is more common than you’d think), but this is the weirdest plot for a non-hentai show that I’ve ever seen.
But I’m not here to talk about the show itself. I want to tell you about Astarotte Ygvar (also known as Lotte) – a ten-year-old girl who needs to survive off jizz juice.
Now I don’t mean to get all intellectual and shit on y’all, but the average amount of calories in human male ejaculate is 5. Yes, 5 calories [source]. The average weight for a ten-year-old girl in the US is 88 pounds [source]. According to the US government, 2000 calories a day is a good amount for a ten-year-old girl who weighs 88 pounds and is actively going after penis [source]. For the sake of argument, let’s run a few calculations here.
(2000 calories/day)/(5 calories/dick sucked)=400 dicks sucked/day
This is making the assumption that Lotte is being active. What if we run the simulation under the assumption that she just lies on the ground and has dudes jizz in her mouth? In that case, she’ll only need 1600 calories per day [source].
If she’s not actively pursuing that sweet, sweet dick sauce, she’ll need 400 less calories per day, or in layman’s terms, 80 fewer dicks.
But Lotte has determined that she can get by with humans alone (source: episode one, 8:00).
Based on my personal experience, a guy who’s really going after ejaculation can get about 7 ejaculations per day. Let’s just assume that the main character up there is really turned on by ten-year-old girls and pushes himself to the limit – or about 8 ejaculations per day. All in all, the best he can give her is 40 calories. If Lotte is really interested in going with a human-based harem, she would need 40 incredibly horny pedophiles going after her every day.
Now let’s talk centaurs. Astarotte’s Toy is set in a fantasy land where all manner of mythical beasts reside. We can assume that centaurs are here as well.
Based on a few grainy Japanese videos I’ve seen, horses have a decent amount of ejaculate. Indeed,Wiki Answers confirms horses as being able to ejaculate 100 ml per jizz session [source]. Humans ejaculate 2-5 ml per session, but let’s assume Judit (the person in charge of finding jizz monkeys for Lotte) picked men of the finest stock who can reach 5 ml every time [source]. As centaurs are half-human, half-horse, let’s assume that the nutritional content of semen is the same, and the amount of jizzing possible per day is the same.
So let’s calculate the size of this harem she needs if she were to go with centaurs.
5 calories/5 ml = 1 calorie/ml
100 ml * 1 calorie/ml = 100 calories.
1600 sessions/100 calories/ejaculation = 16 ejaculations. With 8 ejaculates/day, she could get by with two centaurs.
If Lotte really hates men as she says she does…
then Lotte would be pursuing that delicious horse milk like it was going out of style. After all, she’d only have to interact with two cocks and even then she could just get by with having them jizz into her mouth and have it trickle down her throat.
But still, Lotte wants to go with humans. Indeed, the show seems to be set up to place her with the human male that comes from the World Tree, Yggdrassil. So what can we determine from this? Lotte says one thing (she hates men), but means another (choosing humans, she maximizes the amount of men who give her love juice in a single day).
Ergo, I have determined Astarotte Ygvar is tsundere.