So, I really like AMVs. This is a problem because nearly all AMVs suck. Here are the reasons:
- Absolute disconnect between the music and the anime. I’m sure you thought mixing “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” with “Beyblade” was an awesome idea. It’s not.
- Shit musical taste. If I wanted to listen to Jay-Z, I’d stick my face in a blender and turn it on until I collapsed from blood loss. Why? Because a world in which I actually want to listen to Jay-Z is not a world worth living in. You may substitute Jay-Z with anything in the Billboard Top 100. It’s not shit because it’s popular. It’s popular because it’s shit.
- Re-used scenes. AMVs are like three fucking minutes. I don’t think you need to recycle content that badly.
- “Dance” videos with Yogurting, TMoHS OP/ED, and the Lucky Star OP. Stop. Just fucking stop. No AMV can be good if you do this.
- Subtitles. Hey, dipshits. Stop making AMVs with hardsubbed scripts. If you’re deadset on making your shitty AMVs with hardsubbed scripts, at least make sure they’re in English and not reversed. Yes, I have seen AMVs with Spanish subtitles that were reversed. I had to scrub my eyes with sandpaper afterwards to get the fail off.
- AMV stands for Anime Music Video. Stop including pictures of yourselves, clips from actual music videos, video game cutscenes, and American cartoons in your videos. Those things are shit, so it makes the AMV shit.
- Stop throwing effects around like they’re candy and you’re a pedophile on an elementary school playground. When I see a spazz-out of effects in the beginning of an AMV, I know my eyes are going to get raped worse than women in Africa are. I want to watch an AMV, not a lights show in your creepy father’s basement. (Thank Euphoria for starting this shitty trend.)
- Multi-anime AMVs. Now, sometimes this can be done right. Like in… Uhh, give me a moment. I’ll think of one. Nope. Can’t. Trust me though, sometimes they’re good. But most of the time it’s just random splices of animes that leads to “My AMV is better because I have more animes in it.” Follow the Anal Principle on this one.
Anal Principle: One dick in an ass is fine. Similarly, one anime in an AMV is fine. It’s kind of hard to make it work well with two in there, but it can be done. When you start getting to three or more, that’s when the trouble starts.
- Betas. I don’t give a shit about the 30 seconds of the AMV that you have finished. Why would I ever want to watch a 30-second AMV?
- “AMV Hell”. This series is just Betas strung together by the worst AMV editors around. Who the fuck watches this shit?
You may be wondering if there are any good AMVs left. There are, but they’re all on amvnews.ru… which is Russian. Looks like the Communists won. :(