Next season is the greatest season ever. Ever. Prepare yourself by reading the fuck out of this guide.
Here’s the chart that I modified. Click it for a bigger version. This is your tl;dr guide if you want an easy reference. My descriptions go in the order of this chart, although the order is arbitrary and not an indication of the shows’ presumed quality.
The Good Stuff
Mirai Nikki (Future Diary)
Boom! The greatest manga of all time is now in anime form. If you haven’t read Mirai Nikki before, you’re in for the greatest fucking treat of your life. Also, Tokyopop can fuck right off a bridge for dying before releasing the last two volumes of this manga. My collection is ruined, you fuckers.
For the uninitiated, this show is all about a game played with cell phones. There are 12 people participants whose cell phones have a special ability based on what they primarily used their phones to do. The main character always writes about the future on his cell phone, hence his cell phone allows him a glimpse into the future. Oh, and if your cellphone gets destroyed, you die. It’s a battle royale where the last person alive becomes a god to replace the one that’s currently dying. The characters are amazing and the action is intense.
Oh, and did I mention that this has the greatest character of all time?
Here’s the PV, but you don’t even fucking need it. Just watch the anime and come back here singing praises of my wisdom.
A shounen that looks good for once? Sign me the fuck up.
Apparently the MC can pull weapons out of people and shit. There’s fighting and blood and shit. It’s fucking glorious.
Best of all, this shit has the director from fucking Death Note of all things, combined with brilliant character designs. I am going to love the fuck outta this one.
Hunter X Hunter
Hunter X Hunter reboot? Well, it’s not like they could continue the series, I guess. Mr. Mangaka has been all tsundere about it, and it really jumped the shark with the chimaera ant arc.
But I am curious about what they’re gonna do with it. I enjoyed the original series, and it didn’t have the pacing issues that Dragon Ball Z did. So… is it just gonna be a prettier animation? Not really seeing the need here.
Oh well, if it gets this series the recognition it deserves, that’ll be fine too. I know I’ll be watching it.
I am incredibly excited about this show. Why? The manga is fucking ace. It doesn’t need to rely on cute girls with huge breasts or sexual themes or violence or amazing visuals. At its heart lies an amazing story and characters that really show what quality manga can truly be like. Don’t get me wrong; I love all that stuff. I’m thoroughly entertained by it. But this is going to be worth watching because it stands on its own merits.
Fuck the preview. I’m only including it to fit the theme I’ve already set. What I want you to do is read the manga. Just a bit, even the first chapter. If you don’t like it, fine. But if you do? Well then, you’re fucking welcome.
Maji de Watashi ni Koi Shinasai (Love Me Seriously)
Softcore hentai with a plot. You know if this is for you or not.
Busou Shinki: Moon Angel (Battle Masters: Moon Angel)
This is Beyblade, except the spinning tops are sexy half-robot girls. If you’re anything like me, you primarily watch anime so you can match the characters to the faces of the jpegs that you fap/schlick to. I have a lot of Busou Shinki pictures that can now be used. Thank you, Japan.
And it’s only five minutes long, which is all the time I need.
C3: Cubed x Cursed x Curious
Another seemingly pretentious anime called C? WHY THANKS, JAPAN. I DIDN’T GET ENOUGH OF THAT THE FIRST TIME.
Wait, wait. This is actually gonna be good? Hells yeah!
See, this anime is gonna rock my dick off because the women are all mad with bloodlust and ready to fuck the shit up of anything that moves. You can tell this in the trailer starting when you see a girl smoking a cigarette. Why? Cuz in Japan, smoking make you a fucking badass. See: Balalaika.
The trailer heats up with women grinning like mad as they slice the shit out of each other indicating plenty levels of badassery incoming. Please god, let this be as good as it looks.
Ben-to (Japanese Lunch Box That’s So Cultural You Gaijins Just Don’t Understand)
Violent, zany comedy about bentos. Need I say any more? This is gonna rock.
Ah, the Fate series… Generic, dull plot with generic character archetypes. BUT AT LEAST IT LOOKS PRETTY, RIGHT?
… Actually, that’s a good point. It’s going to be the prettiest shit all season, except for maybe Last Exile 2. IMO, add this to your queue and watch the fuck out of it. Why? Cuz mindless entertainment is fun and something doesn’t need to be “good” to be enjoyable.
Here’s the trailer.
Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon (Horizon in the Middle of Nowhere)
Fights. Babes. Robots.
This looks fucking brilliant.
Last Exile: Ginyoku no Fam (Last Exile: Fam, the Silver Wing)
Very few shows do steampunk as well as Last Exile did. The first season’s beautiful visuals from 8 years ago are still as relevant now as they were back then. The world of Last Exile is insanely inventive and captivating, and I need to prepare myself for the eyegasm Fam will undoubtedly bring.
Oh, and it’s a stand-alone series compared to the first one, so you don’t need to watch that if you want to watch this.
It’s Bones. It’s a story about a detective. It’s Bones.
If you aren’t convinced about this show, get convinced. You’ll thank me for it later.
Ohmigod one of the greatest games of all time now in anime form! Be still, my–
Okay, let’s be brutally honest with each other here: Persona 4 is gonna suck. It’s going to suck hard, and you’re going to wish it never happened. Then you’re gonna laugh with your buddies about how “Oh wow, a Persona anime would be totally great because y’know, they never made one hahaha.”
Stop right fucking there.
Don’t even play this shit off like it was ever a good idea. Persona works because it’s a combination of dungeon crawling and dating sim/friendship simulator. It’s fine-tuned to create one of the — if not the — best RPG systems around. Now pause for one fucking second and think how this is going to work in anime form. Yeah, exactly. It won’t. They already tried this with Trinity Soul, which was shit.
Of course, I’m a sucker. I’ll watch the shit out of this, as will you. I’m just tempering my expectations so I don’t cut my wrists after the first episode fails to blow my mind. It could end up quite good, and I really want it to be that good, but I’m not holding my breath.
Here’s the trailer:
Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai (I Don’t Have Many Friends)
This is basically pathetic pandering to NEETs and otaku, saying “Hey, these cute boys/girls don’t have any friends either! Watch them go on all kinds of crazy adventures and have fun with one another. Never fear, lonely otaku, this could be you one day! Now, may we direct your attention to the high-quality plastic figures we’re selling for $200 and the anime DVDs with two episodes that we’re selling for $80?”
But fuck it, that’s no different from any of the other animes this season. The art is incredibly beautiful, and the manga is really good. Sign me up.
For a rolicking good time, see how many results there are on google when you search for ‘I don’t have anime friends’ anime
Will Probably Suck
Phi Brain: Kami no Puzzle (Defy Brain: God’s Puzzle)
This is supposedly some anime about solving puzzles. The art is dull and it appears to have the pacing a legless turtle.
Do you like dull anime that never goes anywhere and takes 30 minutes for a character to walk five feet? Well, you’re gonna fucking love this slice-of-life anime. Honestly, I think slice-of-life fans spend their free time collecting stamps and licking walls. You have to be half-retarded to enjoy something as paceless as this genre.
For you sliceys, I guess I oughta give you a fair description of what you’re getting into. You have a cute girl that has a camera and she– Wait, what’s that? Slow down? Oh, I’m going to fast for you? k, let’s break this down for Shamalamadipshit over here.
Excited yet? Keep your shirt on, buddy. At least until you take your daily pills.
Mashiroiro Symphony (Pure White Symphony)
Oh wow, another boring, shitty romance anime. THANKS A LOT, JAPAN. Glad to see the radiation hasn’t affected your ability to make terrible rehashes of the same overplayed concept.
Set in a Japanese high school, Joe EveryJapaneseMan attempts to find the love of his life among a cast of interchangeable heroines. Which generic girl will he choose? The suspense is killing me!
Battle Spirits: Heroes
Let me preface this by saying I love TCGs. And this is an anime based on a TCG. My name (Dark_Sage) even comes from a Yu-Gi-Oh! card. I loved Weiss Survive and fuck me, I loved Duel Masters. But this is a shitty anime based on a shitty TCG.
I have a few Battle Spirits starter decks and I tried to get some fun out of this shitty game, but there’s none to be had. The biggest problem is that the cards are all so lifeless. There’s no incentive to buy another pack to get that cool looking card, because there ARE NO COOL LOOKING CARDS. In fact, let me just pull out a deck right now and list off some of these cards I see:
And the monsters only get worse. Why is this important? Because the cards are fucking important to a series based on a TCG. With monsters this boring, an anime can only be absolute shit. I watched a bit of the first season, and I can confirm that the anime actually IS shit.
Oh, and the fucking beads they include in each starter deck spill all over the fucking place. No thanks.
And yes, I pretty much just reviewed the TCG instead of the anime. Deal with it.
It’s Lupin the 3rd. Let’s be straight with each other. Lupin was never a very good series. It’s a very classic series, don’t get me wrong. But “classic” does not always equate to “good”. Now, in any social circle of anime fans will be “that guy”. You know, the fat, neckbearded one who only plays Nintendo games or the skinny pseudo-intellectual who thinks acting like a twat makes him smarter. What’s guaranteed is that they both like Lupin the Third and they will fucking make sure you know they like it.
Why? For the fattie, it’s nostalgia. For the anorexic, it’s ego. The fattie is obsessed with trying to remember the one time in his life where he had a future, before he became the deranged, lifeless creature he is today. The skinny prick is interested in appearing smarter than everyone else. “Oh, you haven’t seen every episode of Lupin? Ha! Your opinion is invalid! Anime these days is so shit to a connoisseur like moi! I’m going to go rewatch Kimpa the White Lion. It’s pretty good, so I bet you haven’t even heard of it.”
Don’t be “that guy” (or girl, even — I guess girls can grow neckbeards too). Pass this shit up.
Kimi to Boku (You and Me)
Oh god, this is super fucking boring. I was reading it and almost fell asleep.
Here’s a link to the manga. You’ll see what I’m talking about.
It does have moe moe boys, so if you’re a girl it could be worth checking out, but if you’re a straight male, I don’t think this is going to appeal to you.
All right, this is ecchi and it’s incredibly stupid. It’s another one of Japan’s patented “Boy goes to school full of girls and they all fall over him because he’s just so awesome, but the boy will never actually do anything because like most Japanese heroes, he’s a worthless sack of shit with an ingrown dick, so live vicariously through him, fuckwit otaku, and pretend like any female would give you the time of day if you got past that restraining order and entered your former high school.”
I’ll watch it, because my cock compass chooses what anime I watch, but I won’t enjoy it.
Mobile Suit Gundam Age
If there’s one thing I’ve learned from Japan, it’s that their children are whiny, useless pieces of shit.
You know why “the west” is so much better? Our kids don’t grow up idolizing “heroes” who get magical powers and spend half of each episode whining about it. Our boys dream about revolutions, war, and being a sword-swinging knight, fucking up everyone’s shit. Our women, too, grow up wanting to wreck people’s shit, although it’s usually other women’s feelings/lives. We’re fucking badasses.
Japanese kids aren’t.
This is an anime about Japanese kids whining about everything while they power mechanical suits of war because they have magic robot affinities. They will face adults and defeat every one of them because it symbolizes Japan’s belief that once you hit 20 your life is fucking meaningless. And they will do it with no less than ten minutes’ worth of angst and tears every episode.
Take your shit and shove it, Japan.
five ten picks:
1. Mirai Nikki
2. Guilty Crown
3. Last Exile: Fam, the Silver Wing
5. C3: Cubed x Cursed x Curious
6. Hunter x Hunter
8. Boku wa Tomodachi ga Sukunai
10. Kyoukai Senjou no Horizon
We’ll be picking up at least one of these to sub. If you’re a good TL and you want to do any of these series, I want you in the group. Worst case scenario, CR/TAN/Nico picks up the series and you just have to TLC it. Other positions may be open in the group depending on a variety of factors. Joints may be acceptable. Inquire within #firstname.lastname@example.org .
All right, guide over. Comments are down below, so agree with me to your heart’s content.