Summer 2012 is here with this fucking fantastic show. This is a pre-air, so it doesn’t “count”, but have a review anyway.
Table of Contents
Release format: MKV (58 MB, 8-bit)
Japanesiness: Honorifics. “Onii-chan”, “Onee” used.
English style: American English.
Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/MSqERLZu
Speed: Speedsub (<24 hour release).
Group website: http://rorisubs.com/
IRC channel: #[email protected]
8thsin’s translation critique: N/A
N/A. This is a pre-air.
Why the fuck am I reviewing a pre-air? This is stupid. I should stop (but I won’t).
Putting effort into a pre-air. Interesting decision, but I like it.
Nice sub placement. Since the pink thing is stuck throughout the episode, this is a recurring issue. Oh well, you get used to it.
I don’t care if it’s a pre-air; they should have redrawn all the frames by themselves. And what’s with that black bar? You’re slipping, rori.
Nice try, ghosting, but I still fapped to this scene.
N/A. This is a pre-air.
What a fucking terrible line.
“But so long as there are rules, there will be those who break them.”
Way too many fucking commas. Replace the commas on the second screen with em-dashes. They will serve the same purpose, but your viewers will be less likely to think of this shit as a run-on sentence.
This is not acceptable. One sentence over four screens? Fuck you.
Group the first two lines into one sentence and the second two into another sentence. And for Jenova’s sake, don’t fucking end a full sentence on the same line where you begin another.
Mm, I want to make this “Anyway, you’re prettier than I am. You’d be a better fit.” but I get the feeling I’d be overediting the line and making Inaban too self-conscious when she’s totally aware what a sexpot she is.
How about this instead?
“Anyway, you’re more photogenic. You’d be a better fit for the article.”
I like this better because she refers to both the photos and the article instead of being unclear. Some people like translations where everything is implied, but I certainly don’t. And when Inaban has just been referred to as “blunt”, it makes sense to have her speak her thoughts clearly and succinctly.
Italicize “did” here because in regular speech it would be accented.
You use “and” five times over six screens. No. This is bad fucking writing. Stop doing that. Vary your fucking word use.
The “and” overuse and comma abuse really hurts the quality of this release’s script. Rein it in.
The first screen and the top line of the second screen are linked together. In the second screen, the two lines should switch placement so it’s easier to keep track of who’s saying what.
The top line is also a big issue here; just look at that abortion of a sentence. It’s just a bundle of non-specific words attached by a flimsy grammatical structure. Ugh.
Go with something like “I’d never date a creeper like you!” if you want her to be more direct (she calls him a pervert in the next line) or something like “I don’t want to date anyone who talks like that!”
Visual grade: N/A
Script grade: N/A
Overall grade: N/A
I hope you enjoyed your free QC, rori.