Let’s get this started.
Table of Contents
Release format: MKV (242 MB, 8-bit)
Japanesiness: Honto Japanesey. Honorifics, TL Notes, and numerous untranslated words.
English style: British English.
Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/nhiYEK9K
Speed: Quick (<48 hours to release)
Group website: http://aidoru.circle-47.com/
IRC channel: #[email protected]
Ji-hi’s screenshot comparisons: RIP Ji-hi
8thsin’s translation critiques: RIP 8th
SubCompare screenshot comparisons: http://www.subcompare.com/shinsekai_yori/
Commie’s fansub reviews: http://notredreviews.wordpress.com/autumn-2012-reviews/#shinsekai
Ending. Only the ED aired for this episode.
Thought the karaoke occasionally runs into the credits, its no-frills approach is ultimately suitable.
These fonts don’t match at all.
Questionable placement and lol font choice.
Overall, what needed to be typeset was typeset but it’s clearly not the work of a skilled individual. Good thing, then, that there were few signs in this release.
The encode is, at times, not as beautiful as one would hope for.
This is the first of many (think double digits) comma splices in this release.
So let’s talk comma splices for a second. A comma splice occurs when two separate clauses (complete thoughts) are spliced together by a comma without an appropriate joiner.
“so” would be an appropriate joiner here, making this “You didn’t even get our flag, so why should we surrender?”
Now, comma splices aren’t always an issue. Regular speech is not as academic as Englishiticians would like it to be, so comma splices often occur as normal people speak with each other. In fact, though I often come across comma splices during my reviews I hardly ever bring attention to them.
However, issues arise when comma splices do not reflect natural speech. This “sentence” here would never be phrased as such in English. Because a comma’s stop is not as forceful as a period’s, what you’d get if you read this accurately is a jumbled speed-mess of English and fail. Grammar aids in getting across the intent of a line, and when it gets in the way of that things end badly.
And things end badly for this release.
>it can’t be helped
I don’t have as big a problem with this stock phrase as other people do, but this should be avoided if at all possible. Reason being, it can often be phrased better than this.
“We have to go because our curfew’s at sunset.” better reflects the situation and doesn’t sound so fucking cliche.
I’m watching your subs to see a translation; not a transcript of the Japanese script. Fucking translate the fucking show. And what is the word Aidoru is preserving in its original form because English speakers can’t handle it pure Japanesiness? “White slug”. Goddamn.
Per Vale, this is actually a legitimate translation due to the history behind the word.
I don’t particularly have an issue with TL Notes. If they provide enough information to better engage the viewers with the material, there’s nothing wrong with that. However, they should only be used when necessary. Is this “necessary”? I don’t think so. “Um, is this place outside the safe zone?” would be sufficient. However, it’s arguable for this line whether the additional information provided could prove useful to the viewers.
Turns out this Rope shit comes up later in the episode and likely throughout the series. I support leaving it as Ropes for this reason. Though I don’t think a TL Note is entirely necessary, I wouldn’t argue the opposite either. Regardless, the TL Note needs to be in English to be effective.
Note – “Ropes” refers to “Hacchoujime”, which are a special kind of rope used to mark the boundaries of safe zones.”
“the” is way too impersonal a term to use here.
“Let us burn away the last of your worldly desires.”
It is revealed in the next line that he is talking directly to her, coaching her through this process, so “your” is the best word to use.
These are shit instructions. The second line makes it seem like she’s supposed to sway side to side instead of the fire.
“Move the fire.”
“Make it sway from side to side.”
There you go. Now it sounds like a human is fucking talking. I understand this is a difficult concept for your editor to grasp, but he’s gonna need this knowledge to graduate middle school.
There is terrible consistency in Aidoru’s logic here. Why is “Waki-en” so necessary to leave in Japanese but “Academy of Enlightenment” is an acceptable translation for the other school? Why wouldn’t “Today, you graduate from the School of the Uninitiated.” or something equally retarded work?
After having watched more of the episode, it looks like they left Waki-en untranslated because it’s used so fucking much and there’s no three-syllable equivalent in English, meaning a direct translation would ruin the phrasing as they have it. So this is an acceptable difference for their release.
Checking the other releases, Commie went a similar route by going with “Waki Academy”. However, UTW went with “Harmony School” which is an interesting choice. I’ll have to see how it fits in their release when I get to it. (Likely episode 2, though.)
You can capitalize “God” when referring to a single deity, in the sense that you’re using “God” as a replacement for its name. However, you don’t capitalize “gods” just because it has the word “god” in it.
Please stop being so terrible at English, Aidoru.
Aegisub has a fucking spell checker. Look. Look at it fucking catch this.
It takes 30 seconds to run a scan and analyze the results. Stop being so fucking lazy.
Oh, and stop writing notes to your dipshit TL, Akaelda. I doubt he’s literate enough to understand them since he puts the kanji by every other word he fucking translates just to assure himself he got it right.
While this line could work in a really abstract sense, there’s no reason to leave it like this.
“As of today, Watanabe Saki is your new classmate.”
She just joined their classroom today. How would she fucking know that? A better first line would be “Guess what?”
And, guess what? It’s actually a phrase human beings use in English.
Note: A similar dictionary translation of “Did you know?” occurs at 16:34.
Unless the story encapsulates the entire time period in reference, it’s more accurate to say “This is a story from about five hundred years ago.”
Yes, this does imply the story originated back in that time period, which may or may not be true, but that’s just the phrasing we use for these things. It can’t be helped.
“While he was so absorbed with looking for herbs,”
“While he was so absorbed in looking for herbs,”
provide more clarity compared to the original line.
neccessary -> necessary
Again, this could have been found by Aegisub’s spell-checker in seconds.
If this is being portrayed as the young boy’s thoughts, it should be in quotation marks or italics. It should also be in the same perspective throughout the sentence; not half from the boy’s thoughts and half from someone giving orders.
“I don’t care what happens to me so long as the demon doesn’t enter the village.”
Right now this seems a bit redundant right now.
“From then on, no demons have ever appeared in this village.” <- And there you go. This even ties the story into the village’s lore. Perfection, if I do say so myself. (And I do say so. Often.)
“You will see a projection of the artist’s heart.”
This isn’t difficult editing.
This 1:1 translation bullshit is a cancer that should kill these bottom-tier TLs’ families. Seriously, try thinking outside the shitbox.
“Say what? Reiko’s trying her best!”
End it with a colon, bro. You’re launching into a fucking story here that necessitates it.
“I really did hear that!”
The emphasis is necessary to reflect how it would sound spoken aloud.
The fuck is a thatcher egg? Google just told me it had to do with Margaret Thatcher somehow and I have no fucking clue why the Japanese in time period unknown would be talking about fucking Margaret Thatcher. What a dumb fucking translation.
Per Vale, this is actually a legitimate translation. It involves one of the more mythical creatures in the series.
You don’t need the ‘s here. “said” is already in the past tense, so this is just redundant.
“But Saki said she’s seen a fell-cat!”
Can you stretch this any wider? This ain’t fucking Hidamari Sketch.
Someone throw a line split at this. Maybe it’ll hit the editor on its way there.
Visual grade: B-
Script grade: D
Overall grade: D+
There are numerous errors and issues with this release’s script. Though the release is watchable and better than what you’d likely get from a Hadena release (a decent editor could make this really good), it’s still very hard to recommend this when there are other groups with far better records also working on this show.