Fansub Review: [Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness (Episode 01)

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.


You didn’t think this review was at the top of my priorities list? How wrong you were.

Table of Contents

Release Information



Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: MKV (290 MB, 8-bit)

Japanesiness: Honorifics.

English style: Some English variant where question marks are the only acceptable punctuation.

Encoding details:

Speed: Slow (>48 hours)


External links.

Group website: N/A

IRC channel: N/A




[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_00.18_[2013.04.08_21.36.21] [Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_00.21_[2013.04.08_21.37.06]

Critter-Subs has decided periods are an act of class warfare perpetrated by the investor class and have thus declined to use them in this release.

I can sort of respect their decision, but it makes it a little difficult to understand whether or not two lines are supposed to be a sentence or not, considering every line is capitalized and the English is fucked worse than a pennywhore.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_00.33_[2013.04.08_21.38.46]

If the near-complete lack of punctuation wasn’t enough of a warning sign, this is about as glaring as it gets. It’s akin to putting a giant “do not lick” sign right by an electric fence.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_01.27_[2013.04.08_21.40.03]

A wise sage once said if you gaze too long into the mouth of stupidity, it will gaze back. And I’m not really keen on having that happen, so let’s get through this as quickly as possible.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_01.54_[2013.04.08_21.42.15] [Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_01.56_[2013.04.08_21.42.20]

No, it’s really not. It’s actually the furthest thing from happy. You could find dead people happier than these subs.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_02.48_[2013.04.08_21.43.59]

Well. Way to represent yourselves.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_04.32_[2013.04.08_21.47.16]

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_04.35_[2013.04.08_21.47.38]

I hope you get eaten by Leos, Critter-Subs.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_04.46_[2013.04.08_21.48.19]

What the fuck is this? Seriously, what am I reading? This dictionary tells me “crump” is slang for “bomb”. But for some reason, I don’t think that’s an accurate translation for a show aimed at 4-year-olds. Did you mean “crumb”?

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_05.05_[2013.04.08_21.49.15]

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_05.07_[2013.04.08_21.49.55]

How do I describe these subs?

Okay, imagine you’re drinking a delicious smoothie. Except instead of a delicious smoothie, it’s just a glass filled with shit. A shit smoothie that takes 24 minutes to finish, no matter what.

Welcome to my world; it’s not a pretty one.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_06.01_[2013.04.08_21.53.13]

How about you don’t and kill yourselves instead? Haha, just kidding. But no, really.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_06.29_[2013.04.08_21.54.43]

Is this like one of those puzzles in the back of children’s magazines where you have to find as many things as wrong with this picture as you can? I don’t think I have enough digits to even count all the problems.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_06.35_[2013.04.08_21.55.44]

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_06.39_[2013.04.08_21.55.52]

Fuckity fucking fuck.

You’re hurting me, Critter-Subs. These are tears of pain I’m crying.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_07.39_[2013.04.08_21.57.29]

How far gone do you need to be to consider this an acceptable translation? I mean goddamn.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_08.53_[2013.04.08_22.00.19]

You mean “ruined”. Like your subs.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_15.15_[2013.04.08_22.11.00]

This group is a shining example for why inbreeding is a bad idea.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_15.43_[2013.04.08_22.11.55]

Ruby, please puts down the gun

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_17.04_[2013.04.08_22.13.32]

Well thanks a fucking lot.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_17.06_[2013.04.08_22.13.39]

Wai do you do this, Critter-Subs?

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_18.36_[2013.04.08_22.15.53]

Is she afraid of the popcorn or something? Waht?

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_20.24_[2013.04.08_22.19.28]

His name is “Sanada”. How fucking hard is that to get?

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_11.14_[2013.04.08_22.03.45]

Please stop.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_11.43_[2013.04.08_22.05.36]

That’s it. Critter-Subs, you’ve ruined me. I’m dead on the inside now.

There is no more happy.

There is no more happy forever.

[Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness - 01 (1280x720 H264)[A4AB3B82].mkv_snapshot_23.58_[2013.04.08_22.23.19]

Typesetting. Okay.

Well, I’d best be going. These wrists won’t slit themselves.




Watchability: Unwatchable.

Visual grade: F

Script grade: F

Overall grade: F

Almost every line is wrong. And those that aren’t are still begging to be put down.

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19 thoughts on “Fansub Review: [Critter-Subs] Jewelpet Happiness (Episode 01)”

    • The Hadena of seasons past had worse translations, but at least they generally managed to figure out how to put periods at the end of sentences.

  1. LOL. This makes me miss your reviews for shows subbed by “Hadena of seasons past”… Good times, good times.

  2. Hey, D_S. You missed something critical: they used a SEMI-COLON! That’s high-level punctuation right there. I mean, they used it completely fucking wrong, but still…

    All I can say is, “Jeez lousie [sic], these subs are lousy.”

      • Even so, making so many errors like this is no excuse, regardless of the target demographic of the show itself. It’s like saying making horrible fansub procedure mistakes like this in a kids show for Japan is like insulting the show in general.

  3. I was thinking about checking this out, and now I see confirmation if we are to do so, this group is not it. Terrible all around.

    I’ll wait for someone else to see about doing their take and HOPE it’s better than this.

  4. I really aprecite sub-critter work,it could be bad, but is better than nothing.

    Actually, I was looking how contact him\her to thanks him/her and I wnd here.
    I know I’m not good at inglish (sice I’m still learning) so i don’t even ralice about all those errors…

    but it is not nessesari view the bad judgment of this crittic!

    Juts begining with the fac (becauese is logic) that sub-critter is not a formal fansub.

    His/her aims are clean: to share this show to many others fans that don,t speak tha lenguage REGARDLLES HIS\HER SKILL. Because no other gonna do it.

    Why would you crittic this work?

    But this is dont event a critic, is just someone mocking and compling, many time leaving the subject
    (Something present in oter of your critics)

    At summary your “crittic” could describe itselft with the same words you use one it

    “Grade: F”


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