Translation Review: [Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season – 02

This post was written by kokujin-kun. He is not Dark_Sage.


Sorry, no yuri shower pics in this review.

Table of Contents

Release Information

Translation

Other Observations

Final Grade

Release Information

Episode details.

Release format: MKV (308 MB, 10-bit)

Wap Level: Approaching negative territory (no honorifics but eastern name order, “adapting” certain Japanese foods into familiar western dishes)

English style: American English.

Speed: Quick (<48 hours)

 

External links.

Group website: http://commiesubs.com/

IRC channel: #[email protected]

Fansub.co screenshot comparisons:

Subbusu screenshot comparisons:

 

Translation

Karaoke.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_02.32_[2013.07.26_20.41.05]

OP. Mostly good, but here this line contains the phrase masshiro na yoru or “pure-white night” to be literal.  However, keep in mind that this song is called “chocolate insomnia” (in roman letters no less), the fact that Hanekawa gets possessed by that Curse Cat during the night and apparently retains no memory of it, and the fact that one way to translate masshiro is “to go blank.” So this line should really be along the lines of “The forgotten night was too sweet like chocolate and full of lies (too lazy to think of a better line).”

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_23.34_[2013.07.27_00.17.00]

ED. It’s good, nothing to comment on.

 

Main Script.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_02.17_[2013.07.27_10.41.37]

Those mooks forgot to typeset the “Tsubasa Tiger” part.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_04.14_[2013.07.26_20.49.41]

This example isn’t that bad, but it’s really a pet peeve of mine when  people decide to translate reijo or ojousama (typically a daughter of a rich family) as “princess.” I usually go with “heiress” whenever I encounter those words.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_05.17_[2013.07.26_21.25.26]

Yes, this is pretty much what the original dialogue says, word-for-word. This is what translators have to work with -_-#.  However, as Darkie pointed out in his last post, even though the original Japanese line had the word sotoba, which the Japanese-English dictionary tells us is “stupa.”  When we look up that word on the Internets we encounter one of these guys.  However, we’re talking about Japanese Buddhism here, not normal Buddhism, so the word sotoba also refers to one of those wooden sticks that are found at grave sites and are apparently supposed to represent larger stone stupas that commemorate the deceased.  So Senjougahara is basically saying to Hanekawa, “Yo sweats are so ugly, they’d make a wooden grave plank faint!

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_05.26_[2013.07.27_11.29.35]

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_05.28_[2013.07.26_21.36.14][Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_05.29_[2013.07.26_21.41.23]

And we continue with the dialogue concerning Hanekawa’s ugly-ass, bag-lady sweats. Commie completely lost the thread here, beginning when they translated are as “Huh?” instead of “Those?” The whole exchange is supposed to be “You… don’t like them?/They’re awful!” Indeed, in Chapter 14, page 77 of the novel, Hanekawa suspects that the reason Senjougahara is being so tsundere with those sweats is the fact that she was wearing them when Senjougahara cried like a little girl upon finding her in the abandoned cram school.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_06.25_[2013.07.27_00.31.01]

She was saying the potential form of tsukiau (accompany, going out) here, so it’s more like “I’m starting to see how you’re compatible with Araragi-kun since you’re just as much of a desperate pervert as he is.”

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_08.21_[2013.07.26_22.38.54]

The way they went out of their way to avoid writing the word “moe” in this line is so moe. Fortunately, Commie left a literal translation within brackets in their script: lit: did you know that beansprouts is written with the kanji for moe.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_08.23_[2013.07.26_22.40.40]

They even completely masked the word for “beansprout” in order to maintain their little story. Actually, if you don’t mind the blatant scriptwriting (which I really don’t in this case), I thought this adapted wordplay worked.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_12.21_[2013.07.26_23.09.35]

Nope, here’s the passage in the novel (Chapter 17, page 96) this sign refers to:

I prowled. I prowled stealthily so I wouldn’t wake up Senjougahara Hitagi, a girl who appeared to be my myaster’s good friend. I entered the foyer without a sound and turned the lock without a sound. Actually, although my myaster says she’s a good friend, this girl is also her enemy. So in that light, I had no real reason to tiptoe around her while making my way out. However, I will choose to follow my myaster’s intentions.

At the very least, my myaster.

Has never held a grudge against this girl.

Not even once.

Meow.

So, yeah, it’s Hanekawa (obviously) that doesn’t hate Senjougahara, not the Curse Cat. Also Hanekawa said so way back in the beginning of the episode.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_13.37_[2013.07.26_23.25.07][Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_13.38_[2013.07.26_23.25.57]

Editing phail. Connect the phrases in those two signs, dammit.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_13.56_[2013.07.26_23.31.05]

Since she says the word shutsuji this is supposed to be “different origins.”

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_19.05_[2013.07.27_13.13.36]

“Sorry, did you use them?”

Hanekawa is wondering if Senjougahara used the butter and jam that was made available yesterday, and since Senjougahara did use the butter and jam, then the fact that Hanekawa did not put those two sandwich spreads out on the breakfast table would be very gauche on her part.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_18.44_[2013.07.26_23.44.14]

Senjougahara actually says soosu and shouyu in this line. As you all might know, soosu is source sauce and it refers to various cooking sauces, mainly Werchechesher Sauce. However, Commie decided the word “sauce” was too foreign and Japanese, so they went with “ketchup.”

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_18.51_[2013.07.26_23.48.22]

See, all the shit Senjougahara said in that line (soy sauce, [chuno] sauce, and pepper) appears here. Yes, folks, Commie thinks you’re that stupid.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_19.33_[2013.07.26_23.55.23]

And here Senjougahara says “ketchup” in Engrish anyway, so there was pretty much no point whatsoever in westernizing that previous line. Also, too, Hamburg steak is now Salisbury steak according to Commie.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_19.37_[2013.07.26_23.55.36]

“Sauce on okonomiyaki?”

And now we’re getting into 4Kids territory. What next, are we going to see a hammergun?

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_20.30_[2013.07.26_23.59.34]

This, I like. The original line went something along the lines of, “You don’t let it slip out when I question you, but you let it slip out when we just talk.”

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_20.54_[2013.07.27_00.05.05]

I’d go with “the taste of home” since I think she’s implying that Hanekawa’s palate (and personality) has been honed by the type of household she’s been in.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_22.24_[2013.07.27_00.11.54]

She spoke in past tense here.

 

Other Observations

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_06.20_[2013.07.26_22.28.43]

This line was fucking 34 characters per second (the recommended limit is 20 chars/sec). We aren’t all speed readers for christ sake.

[Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season - 02 [0525096C].mkv_snapshot_12.06_[2013.07.27_13.25.58]

Just to let you know, I don’t think any of these title cards are mocha’d, so it’s sort of like looking at fansub typesetting for pre-digital age anime.

Final Grade: B+

Needless to say, despite some characterization issues, especially with Senjougahara, I liked Commie’s script a hell of a lot better than Aniplex’s script. Yes, even the script writing is forgivable since it allowed for better flow. However, the few translation derps kept this release from being an A.

Also, too, I lied. Since you’ve read this shitty review all the way to the end, here are some  yuri shower pics.

 

Back to top

17 thoughts on “Translation Review: [Commie] Monogatari Series Second Season – 02”

  1. I strongly disagree with your criticism of the ‘masshiro’ line. While you’re certainly correct that it can mean that, it’s tied to specific phrases such as the one you linked: 「頭(の中)が真っ白になる」. Even then, it doesn’t refer to forgetting something, nor can it describe multiple personalities. It’s more about a lack of focus or presence of mind, or the inability to react adequately for lack of resolve.

    In my opinion it becomes clear that the chocolate part refers to masshiro, not yoru, once you consider that for most people white chocolate is much sweeter than other chocolate.

    Reply
      • Those are strong examples, but even they don’t imply forgetting anything. Read the sentences around it. The first example comes closest, but as the author writes, the protagonist was just really busy and didn’t take note of anything that happened, not even which season it was.

        Personally, I think the masshiro is just about White Hanekawa’s hair. It’s a pretty underwhelming interpretation, but I think masshiro na yoru just means “White Hanekawa’s nights”.

        Reply
        • But remember in that passage, that speaker was describing that time period as a “blank space,” so if we think in terms of Hanekawa describing her nights when she transforms into Black Hanekawa, which she doesn’t have any recollections of.

          Reply
          • Right, Black Hanekawa. Not White. Anyway.

            The speaker can remember what he did in a very general sense. He vaguely remembers what season it was, too, but in retrospect it seems to him like none of it had any emotional meaning or impact. It’s a time that had no meaning, but not one that he forgot.

            Don’t misunderstand me. I think the masshiro clearly refers to the time she is Black Hanekawa. The entire line does. But I don’t think it’s supposed to be interpreted as ‘forgotten’. That takes it down a very narrow road that, even if it was correct (and I don’t agree), would lose a lot of symbolism.

            Also, consider the animation. She eats chocolate and then turns into Black Hanekawa with white hair and a white dress.

            Reply
            • You’re right about the symbolism, since the color white seems to be a common thread in this arc, starting with what that tiger said about lies. But considering what goes on with Hanekawa whenever she turns into the Curse Cat, considering how the word masshiro is also used for “blank space” (as you said, the guy in the previous link only had a fuzzy memory at best of that two month period), considering the title of the song, and considering the fact that 真っ白な記憶 is a term that is used, people will be hard pressed to convince me it’s really anything else.

              Reply
  2. “Hamburg steak is now Salisbury steak according to Commie.”

    That one’s a common translation in fansubs and professional subs alike. No one knows what the fuck “Hamburg steak” is, and it’s almost the same thing as Salisbury steak.

    Reply
    • Even so, it’s like Commie and the rest of the subs who Americanize it to “Salisbury steak” think I’m too dumb to realize that there is also a dish called “Hamburg steak” as well. But that’s my own personal impression, and don’t worry it didn’t affect their score in any way.

      Reply
    • Well, like I said, they weren’t exactly working with Grade A material, and as far as translating long-winded, rambling bullshit goes, they did pretty well. It could have been a *lot* worse. Also, I think I was still left with the aftertaste of Aniplex when I watched Commie, so that might be a factor -_-*.

      Reply
  3. So it comes down to
    script flow => Commie
    translation accuracy => Aniplex?

    Still can’t decide. :/
    Reading your reviews it feels like there are more (major) mistakes in Commies script, though both are graded B+/-. Is the difference (regarding the accuracy) really that big (you said Aniplex is close to 100%)?

    Reply
  4. I kind of confused, first we had DS tell us that Commie’s script is bad, and then we have another review of the same show again by kokujin-kun who tell us that Commie’s script isn’t shitty as DS said… what going on o_o

    Reply
    • We reviewed different aspects of the scripts, but we came to the same general conclusions. Aniplex knows what they’re talking about, but Commie can fake it well enough that it doesn’t matter that much.

      Giving them a B+ based on any other metric than what kokujin’s using would be a targeted attack on the English language, though.

      Reply

Leave a Reply to Dark_Sage Cancel reply