Yeah, I know. Just ganbarre till Fall 2014 hits. I’m sure Japan’s saving the year’s best for last.
~Table of Contents~
Animation Production: J.C. Staff (Index, Golden Time, Kill Me Baby)
It’s essentially Bakuman, if Bakuman were done by competent mangaka. Here’s the plot breakdown:
Jackwald Hammersmarm is an aspiring manga artist, but he just can’t seem to catch a break.
But then he meets Ichijou Ryouma,
who is so impressed by what he sees that he decides to assist Jackwald in his quest.
…with varying results.
But mostly they just suck each other’s dicks.
If you’re fujoshi, forget Free. This is the show you wanna keep
an eye a finger on this season. And if you aren’t fujoshi, the same applies to you. Only a soulless monster could hate something with so much love and/or exclamation marking.
Sailor Moon and the Crystal Reboot
Animation Production: Toei Animation (Digimon Fusion, Dragon Ball GT, Majin Bone)
I can’t think of any other series that will revitalize and inspire innovation in the stagnant anime industry than a pointedly faithful adaptation of a manga from over 20 years ago.
If it does really well, I bet there’ll be a remake of Madoka in 10 years that we can legitimately get hyped for. Damn it’s good being an anime fan these days.
Animation Production: P.A. Works (Hanasaku Iroha, Nagi no Asukara, Red Girl)
Tohko Fukami is your ordinary kawaii, genki-ditz P.A. Works protagonist, with one key difference: she has a monstrous hairlip that causes people around her to treat her cruelly. Luckily, an old glassworker befriends her, and crafts her a pair of glass lips, which help convince everyone around her to treat her kindly, because now she’s like them.
But at a surprising point in the school year, a handsome-yet-bland transfer student joins her class and rudely comments on the hairlip that he can somehow see! Turns out he has the power to see through glass. What a twist.
Animation Production: I dunno. Some racist studio, judging by that all-white cast.
The only thing I know about this show is that there’s people and they clean robots or something.
Momo Kyun Sword
Animation Production: Project No.9 (Ro-Kyu-Bu!, Recently My Sister is Unusual), Tri-Slash (Nothing)
This is apparently an alternate retelling of James and the Giant Peach, except now James is a woman.
The only notable thing here is that the blushes on the girls’ breasts look like nipples, which means you’re not gonna be able to get off to the series in public. That’s pretty much all that’s keeping it below excellent-tier, since the girls look pretty damn healthy.
Animation Production: Passione (For Animation Production, they’ve only done Haitai Nanafa. Yeah, I dunno what that is either.)
I’m fairly convinced this show was only created to keep people who are actually interested in trains off the streets.
From a public safety standpoint, I give the series a 10, but from an entertainment perspective, it looks to be about a 1. As a compromise, we’ll throw it in this tier.
If you think Ghost in the Shell is deep, you’ll love the shit out of these series-tier (0-4/10)
Animation Production: Studio Deen (Wasimo, Pupa, Meganebu!)
So how good’s this gonna be? Well, it’s set in the past (maybe), in Japan (presumably), and it’s done by Studio Deen (definitely).
Animation Production: Pierrot (Bleach and Naruto)
“What if Aku no Hana had zombies?” thought some idiot.
Not even zombies could save this wankfest. Let’s pretend my one-shot edit is all this ever was and move on with our lives.
Ao Haru Ride
Animation Production: Production I.G. (They did IGPX, and… that’s about all that’s worth noting.)
Someone needs to introduce this bitch’s face to some prominent fist bones. This page exemplifies everything that’s wrong with shoujo manga: a milquetoast protagonist who finds worth in herself only by being some dumbass’s cumcontainer.
Unlike the other series in this preview, where I read at least two volumes (if they were translated) to come to my objectively perfect analysis, Ao Haru Ride received a premature drop when this scene popped up, 12 pages into the first chapter.
Sucks to be you, Planned Parenthood. I just saved myself a $20 copay.
Animation Production: The people who did the other Pretty Rhythms. You know, the shows you never watched.
Eh, it’s no Precure.
Aww yeah. Now that’s the good stuff.
Animation Production: Hasn’t been announced yet. And based on the PV, I don’t think any company’s gonna want to claim responsibility for this one.
Forgetting the QUALITY of the animation, why the fuck would anyone animate a show with writing as terrible as this?
I know not everyone can be as good at writering as me, but goddamn. Surely Japan has some better options than this.
No Tokage no Ou. (Fuck you, I legitimately liked it.)
Instead, we get this:
Choke on octopus dick, Japan.
Read the table of contents. Part 2 when it comes.