This may surprise you, but I used to run track in high school. Not, like, as a sport, but I ran the mile when they asked us to. As such, I feel I am qualified to talk about this very important subject.
You know what, this isn’t even an opinion piece: I’m just gonna lay down the facts.
Fact 1: The stats don’t lie; there are no recorded instances of ninja runners losing a race to non-ninja runners. However, there are multiple recorded instances of ninja runners emerging victorious.
Fact 2: Aerodynamic efficiency. There’s a reason cars aren’t shaped like towers — why the fuck would anyone run upright?
Fact 3: It looks way fucking cool.
The Ultimate Takeaway:
You will be anime if you ninja run.
So the next time I meet up with one of you pricks at a con or something, and I ninja run across the sidewalk, screaming “ninja run!” I swear to god you better fucking run like that alongside me. It gets kinda awkward when I’m the only one who does it. :<
24 thoughts on “The Ninja Run: Examined”
>You will be anime if you ninja run.
Ninjas also originated in Japan, Japanese are all short as fuck, even more aerodynamic efficiency. Nippon-ninjas masterrace.
A post about ninja running and no mention of best ninja Naruto? D_S, I’m ashamed.
Seriously though, I’d laugh my ass off if someone did ninja run with you and fell face-first into the pavement.
Thankfully I found this high quality, in-depth tutorial!
Now I can be anime!
You can hear the sound barrier shaking when he runs, he is the anime we need, but not the one we deserve.
Fansub review when?
Currently watching Everybody Loves Kirito, so maybe after that.
Is it better than porn?
I have no frame of reference for that. Why would I get off to porn when I have a mirror?
Do you have a pussy?
I’m not nearly drunk enough for where I think this is going.
I dunno, does “Naruto” count as an answer for all three?
a: Naruto has a nice ass.
s: He’s pretty sexy.
l: He’s a ninja so he’s a pretty good licker, I guess.
Just… accept it.
( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
Hi is this a review?
It is whatever you want it to be, sweety.
High Quality Non-review Content
Stop being so lazy writing crap instead of reviews, Dark_Sage.
Hey Sage, are you still planning to attend AWA this weekend?
…said Dark_Sage far too late after the fact, and after having already conversed with Darais on this subject over the IRCs.