Shitty Femblem Contest Follow-up

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.


Yes, I already emailed the winner, so no, there ain’t a good reason to read this post.


I thought this was a good idea too, until I saw the entries.


Entries + Commentary

Honestly, some of you may not want to see the horrors my readers have unleashed.
Those of you with lighter constitutions may not want to see the horrors my readers have unleashed.
Spoiler for

Because this is Crymore, about 90% of the posts were less entries than nonsensical shitposts. Which is good. And I got more out of them than the posters, which is even better.


For example, this comment made me think “Best comments Gravatar” or “Choose D_S’s new avatar” would have been winning entries (though boring in concept, I’d expect fun in execution).

Still, the vast majority didn’t qualify as actual entries, so I’m just gonna go over most of the ones that did.

That’s not how any of this works.



So with further adieu, I bring you a needless amount of words describing why I didn’t pick one of these entries…




While the first is totes chotto, I was strongly considering “first post wins” for this contest. Then I reasoned that it’d just go to some Twitter fuck, and I’d rather see everyone on that platform burn than amuse myself with all the quite due blowback I’d get for the post.




Much like Libertarianism, it sounds cool in concept, but there’d only be a handful of people who’d bother with participating, and something would seem off about them.




Unfortunately, we’d get samefags pretending to be offended by their own entries as a result. And while there’s nothing better than drama, there’s nothing worse than fake drama.




Anyone who knows me would go for the insta-win by just posting a picture of cowmilla. My onee-san fetish is real.




And the winning entry is:




I’m a little afraid of what I’d see if this were implemented. Scratch that: significantly afraid.




If only I weren’t such an angelic soul. ;_;




Hot gluing? If you jerk off on your waifu, I want you to do it because you love her, not for a contest.

Also, WordPress says most of the people reading this site are chicks, so I’m not gonna close off some potential entries. (Before you ask about discharge, no, let’s really not go there.)




I don’t know how this would work, and I don’t think I want to know.




Will you watch? I think we can work something out.




I’m always willing to entertain new writers for the blog. What I don’t want is a contest where people spend four hours on a post only to get nothing in return — especially if I don’t like it.

But if any of you out there think you’re half as good as me, that means you’re at least twice as good as any other blogger, so feel free to send me any writing samples. Crymore ain’t exactly growing off just my sagacity anymore.




A big policy of mine is to never directly insult my dear readers. So for the sake of Smexi, we’re all just going to pretend this comment never happened.




I know my people, and there’s only so much Maruchan a human being can handle — even if just relegated to picture form.




I (legit) play Fire Emblem on mute, so…




In general, contests that can’t scale are shit contests. Also, everyone knows Witch is the best class.





No. This damn thing needs to end. And… oh, it is ending? Fan-fucking-tastic.



A Winner is Who?


Spoiler for



Unlike the four other entries people tried to put in through email (LITERACY HARD), Steve emailed me while the site was suffering from database corruption. So this counts. And… I actually like it. Got a nice community feel to it.

My only issue is that it pretty much disqualifies those on the lower end of the income scale, which ain’t exactly acceptable.



Oh man, this one actually got the wheels spinning for a while. Not for the contest of course (this’d get one low-effort entry at best), but for what I could do with the concept. Too bad I’d rather be known for my personality than my looks, cuz if I was a Youtube camslut I woulda made you some top shit.

You know I tolerate nothing less than perfection.


Walkchalk & Steve, if you wanna email me your addresses (darksagerk at gmail dot com), I can send you some useless animu trinkets as thanks for the resultant shower thoughts. Offer expires a week from this post, so yeah, I guess there was reason for some people to read this post after all.





To make this a good contest entry, this comment would have to undergo more changes than the Borg. Like, we’re talking Korean levels of plastic surgery here.

Still, the contest wasn’t about “good” entries, it was about the best. And technically, this was the best I saw out of everything, cuz it’s the only damn thing I’ll be able to mine value out of going forward. So enjoy your win, Ryuu. This makes you the only person to have gotten anything out of the past two weeks on Crymore.

Let’s remedy that with masturbation material.

Oh, and I know this is gonna piss some of you off, so I’ve gotta mention it: The kid isn’t from the States, so he can’t even play the game due to region lock. Lel.


Which leads to this, summing up the one true takeaway of this awful competition…


  • Dark_Sage actually writing things

Pick one. ;_;


14 thoughts on “Shitty Femblem Contest Follow-up”

  1. >Will you watch? I think we can work something out.

    Sorry. I live in Japan, partly in an attempt to be as far away from her as possible, so no deal.

    • Haven’t found a reliable way for Homebrew on 10.6.0-31E without Cubic Ninja or Sky3ds. And I don’t really want to spend ~80€ for some suspicious flashcard.
      So yes, it is an issue.

  2. The “lower income” thing is what I was thinking with my biting an orange without peeling it entry! I have no idea what a region lock is, or what 99.9% of the anime jokes are on this site. So it’s good you gave an actual fan the win! ☺ I’ll keep desperately trolling Google for giveaways… But I’ll probably check this site every once in a while too!

  3. One thing of the winning entry that’d mess it up in practise, is finding a way to stop people ranking shows based on bra size

    and winning

    • That… actually might be kind of a problem. But there’s always the chance that D_S decides to like a show without oppai for some sagey reasons… Yea, I can’t even fool myself into believing that.

      • The way I’d implement it is less a “guess what D_S likes” than a “community picks their favs” and having me interact with it somehow.

        Not exactly an option for this coming season, but something I’ll keep in my back pocket for the future.


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