The commentary is too. Maybe.
Buddyfight (Episode 01-02)
Not since Gundam Build Fighters has there been a show so blatantly obvious in its attempt to promote a shoddy product.
The card game is probably the worst TCG I’ve ever seen, since it appears to be based primarily around cool-looking monsters rather than cute, busty anime girls. Good luck getting money if you won’t let me build an all-girls deck, Bushiroad.
Hamtaro S2 (Episode 02)
With the second episode, it looks pretty obvious that Hamtaro is going to be a problem-of-the-week type of show. The only innovation to its tired formula is the addition of one edgy plot twist to each episode.
Hamtaro seems to think that trotting out its black mascara-covered one-trick pony once every week will be enough to keep viewers satisfied. Yeah, I’m sure that’ll keep them distracted from the crushing mediocrity of the other 23 minutes in the show. Maybe Murasaki could push his glasses up more!
ImoCho (Episode 02)
I hope that anyone who enjoys this show feels insulted by how little Japan thinks of them. “A little girl being unable to piss because of her chastity belt ends up pissing all over herself while her brother watches. That’ll get the hits!”
Then you have to take into account the rape scenes, which are intended to target the audience that may not think watersports are great, but that lesbian sex is totally the bestest thing ever.
If you give this shit anything above a 1/10, you have no morals and even less taste.
Mahou Sensou (Episode 01)
I don’t believe there’s any anime out there less aware of its plot holes than Mahou Sensou.
Any anime that expects its viewers to be drawn to a world so poorly thought-out must think of them as nothing less than meatbag wallet holders who lack the capacity for thought.
This is a hastily made shounen cash-in project, nothing more.
Nisekoi (Episode 01)
This show is Shaft’s attempt to prove that cheap animation tricks will be able to save any source material, no matter how vapid and soulless.
Nice try, Shaft! But for anyone to keep watching this show, they’d have to have absolutely no self-respect, and they’d have to admit to themselves that they don’t just watch anime series for the plot and characters. Better luck next time.
Nourin (Episode 01)
Much like Log Horizon, Nourin is a poorly disguised attempt to cash in on another anime’s success. Unlike Log Horizon, however, Nourin attempts to do this with a series that… didn’t really have much to begin with.
You’re looking at the same tired “lol animals can be so whacky” and “please respect the great banzai farm ancestors of our forefather-samas” formula that caused you to drop Gin no Saji after two episodes not two seasons ago. About the only “innovation” this series adds is an abundant amount of fanservice.
Noragami (Episode 02)
If Noragami throws any more of its source material out, Noragami will be more of a rewrite than anything approaching a faithful adaptation.
Surely Bones has realized by now that adapting manga series by putting their own spin on them is a dangerous idea. Let’s hope they go back to the manga’s course before they do something too drastic.
Sakura Trick (Episode 01)
Cute girls kiss each other in a setting where it’s made abundantly clear that they aren’t really lesbians, because that would be gross!
But it’s okay, LGBT advocates! The girls like each other well enough, so you can consider this show a perfect example of Japan’s progressiveness. Feminists, you’re now allowed to enjoy anime! Rejoice!
Sekai Seifuku (Episode 01)
Sekai Seifuku is a complete departure from its director’s previous masterpiece, Darker than Black. At this rate, it looks like we won’t be getting any of the lack of creativity that so marked that Greatest Anime of All Animes. I mean, just look at the cast:
The main character is the worst, though. That he appears to have a personality is completely contrary to any of the brilliance that marked Darker than Kubo. How the hell am I supposed to self-insert now?!
Seeing Okamura give the character a personality that doesn’t match my cool, stoic presence (that the ladies love!) is a slap to the face of all his true fans. What a fucking talentless hack.
Space Dandy (Episode 02)
How far can a series go solely by relying on the reputation of its director?
The basic concept here is that Space Dandy goes through space being all silly, and along the way meets new friends and experiences emotions.
We can only wonder what great lesson Space Dandy will learn on the next episode of You’ve Seen this Before: The Anime.
Witch Craft Works (Episode 02)
Witch Craft Works seems to have gotten it into its head that the only way to save the series is by trotting out enough anime girls in skimpy outfits that the viewer forgets how mind-numbingly terrible the two protagonists are.
The worst part is how forgettable most of the girls are that they think will save the series.
If that isn’t bad enough, all of the girls want MC-kun’s “sticky white stuff” because of :reasons:, even though he’s such a useless piece of shit. Way to dredge the concept barrel, guys!
Wizard Barristers (Episode 01)
If you haven’t seen the show, here’s the gist: MC-chan (purple hair) is a young defense attorney who believes everyone is innocent of any crime. Testing her stated beliefs, she and her coworker get ambushed by thugs in a park.
Of course, since she’s the MC, the attempted rape and subsequent scarring of her friend only serves to strengthen her resolve, as she promises to represent their attackers in a court of law.
Japan actually thinks this is the kind of shit that makes a good character.
Youkai Watch (Episode 01)
It’s a show made for Nintendo fans.
Z/X Ignition (Episode 02)
Z/X Ignition is the kind of shit that comes about when someone has a good idea (dark, apocalyptic card fantasy) and is then informed they have to set the target audience about 10 years younger.
The show struggles to make an impact on the viewer because despite the episode 1 scene where a bunch of people die, it’s pretty clear that the main fights are going to result in very little actual bloodshed.
This is only exacerbated by the fact that everyone we meet in the second episode is still alive in the first and getting along with one another (which takes place in the future from episode 2), meaning we know little of consequence is going to occur so long as the flashback episodes continue.
Sorry, I’ve already made the graph. Can’t waste any more time making a new one.