A Very Crymore Raffle

Community — By on December 25, 2014 2:01 am

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.

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If you post anywhere on Crymore between now and whenever I decide this Christmas special ends, you’re gonna be entered into a raffle for shit I don’t want.

The prizes:

Option 1 – Amiibo v.1

Marth Amiibo - Peace Electronics

  • ONE (1) of the following Amiibos
    • Marth
    • Wii Fit Trainer
    • Villager
    • Princess Peaches
    • Mario
    • Luigi
    • Samus
    • Pikachu

The Amiibos are all the American edition, new in box. Some of them sell for quite a lot.

Completed ebay listings.

Completed ebay listings. If you sold one, you could buy a *real* figure!



Option 2 – Amiibo v.Sloppy Seconds


Second pick of the Amiibos. So if someone picks the Peaches, you can have your choice of the remainder.



Option 3 – Some shitty Ubisoft game

  • A PC download of ONE (uno) of the following shitty Ubisoft games
    • Far Cry 4
    • The Crew
    • Assassin’s Creed Unity
Ore no Creed

Assassin’s Creed is the anime-est, so I recommend that one.



Option 4 – Sengoku Basara 4


  • Used, Japanese region

I overestimated how fun the game would be if I couldn’t understand what the fuck the characters were saying.



Option 5 – Aesthetica of a Rogue Hero


  • New, BD version

I accidentally bought a second copy of this, and returning things is a hassle.



Option X – A blowjob

Deep throat

  • A coupon for one free Dark_Sage blowjob
    • Note that you will have to provide said blowjob
    • This coupon will be distributed to everyone as a courtesy




The rules:

Nichijou's Best Girl

  1. You’re disqualified if I don’t like you
    • If you win something, I need your address anyway, so this is for the best
  2. I need some way of contacting you, so post with a valid fucking email address
  3. Even if you’re in some shithole (aka anywhere that’s not America), you qualify



The process:

Sayaka doing xtreme math

I’ll use Excel and a random number generator or something. Whoever gets pulled first will have first pick of the prizes. Second gets second pick, and so on. I haven’t exactly thought this out very far.

Note that first pick is limited to people who have posted on Crymore before, just in case some redditards get wind of this giveaway.



Post end:

I'm at least 30% confident this raffle will end well. Let's find out.

I’m at least 30% confident this raffle will end well. Let’s find out if I’m right.

Tags: ,


Karasu says:

DAT EzioRino <3

and don’t include me in the raffle, I don’t want any of that shit (not that I will win anyway)

Recueillir says:

worth a shot, can’t remember what name I posted as before.

Dark_Sage says:

Records say Rec.

(For anyone else who can’t remember, I’ll check name, email, and IP. So if you had a fake email/random name before, but your IP’s the same, you’re good to go. If not, RIP you.)

jenny says:

How do I enter?

Dark_Sage says:

Not using a fake email would be a good start.

That… is a fake email, right? ;_;

NakkiNyan says:

I am fake, totally.

jenny says:

It’s my school email! Don’t reveal it please.

lo16 says:

Will you cover travel/lodging for option X?

Dark_Sage says:

I suppose I could drive over if you’re on the way to Arby’s. If you really need 30 seconds of lodging, the door’s open.

Kaitou_Kid says:

Well, this seems fun.

Anon says:

>offering Marth/Villager Amiibos
You have just made a horrible, horrible mistake. Once amiibofags get word of this, expect a flood of comments (despite the rules).
RIP this raffle.

Dark_Sage says:

Don’t worry, Nintendo fans are illiterate. I think we’ll be safe.

Harley_Gorillason says:

I was under the impression that Nintendo’s stoic refusal to implement any form of 21st century Internet connectivity into their devices was due to the technological incomprehension of said fans.

Lazy-kun says:

oh boy

QQwerty says:

How about the choice of one review for Winter 2015. Could make for some fun decisions. Pretty please?

Dark_Sage says:

And the first winner of the raffle is QQwerty. Lemme know in the Review Queue when you decide on what you wanna see.

QQwerty says:

D_S-senpai gave me a Christmas present! I’m so overwhelmed uguu~

NakkiNyan says:

If only it was not all sequels…

Dium says:

gimme your shit

Sheep says:

>No Link amiibooooit’ssoshortbutIalwaysforgethowtospellit oh right it’s amiiboo or something

My main knows no love ;__;

I don’t even know if that was even released in wave 1

Dark_Sage says:

Well, I do have a Link amiibo, but I wanna use him to unlock the spinny weapon in Hyrule Warriors, so I’m not giving him up. :<

Sheep says:

Fair enough.

Anon says:

Rolling for dat blowjob ;-)

Torn says:

I love you.

vipirius says:

Will you at least treat me to dinner before i suck your dick?

Dark_Sage says:

I suppose I can add you to the Arby’s run. Don’t blame you for needing a palate cleanser for it; horsey sauce tends to stay past its welcome.

vipirius says:

I’ll be fine, I happen to be an Arby’s veteran.

Solaristics says:

I’ll take Far Cry 4. Thxs

Promek says:

Well this is a good as reason as any to finally post.

DiGGzBoT says:

Came for the subs, stayed for the free stuff

Tiger says:

Hurray! Merry Christmas!

Dark_Sage says:

All right, I’m passing out for a bit. For anyone who hasn’t commented before, all new commenters’ comments need to get approved manually, so don’t freak out if yours doesn’t pop up immediately.

alx says:

i hope my computer doesnt blow up running unity

Anonymous says:

Better use ya my real email for this one! Pls blowjob

Lean says:

I’m in~

haukgwai says:

Count me in.

Melanzani says:

A raffle? Awesome!
Sounds like fun :)

Kipsta says:

Entering fully aware of the high shipping cost to Europe.

Dark_Sage says:

Got a second mortgage for this very reason.

PP says:

Can I just get bragging rights for winning something I don’t need?

Millhi says:

not a fake :O

Sephiria says:

I’m in.

Nythius says:

Entering just because you wrote Concluxzíoñ wrong.

Kamica says:

Most people who enter raffles are like “I never win these things. I’m long overdue.”
But…i’m not going to lie when I say I have amazing luck with these things.

Let’s see if my luck continues.

Random Guy says:

Worth a shot!

ryachi says:

Shitty prizes, except blowjob.

Dark_Sage says:

Well, I’m open to suggestions for future such events, as long as it doesn’t break the bank. I’m not gonna blow $100+ on something that only ends up benefiting one person, for example.

FichteFoll says:

Seems appropriate to me.

kayserlein says:

Dear Dark_Santa,

I wish for a shitty Ubisoft game that is not The Crew or for the Rogue Hero BDs so that my shelf can finally collapse.

I’ll even bribe you with some milk and cookies – though they may be rotten and/or burnt.


Your very naughty kayserlein

LotusGG says:

hello sagey
gibe the crew pls

Buuuuu says:

I hope my IP hasn’t changed

lolkats says:

Looks like D_S bought an NVIDIA card recently (as did I). Shitty choice of games, especially considering they require uPlay installed. :/ Not sure if or when I’ll ever install FC4 because of that.

Posting for everything else tho~

ArchangeQC says:

I actually quite enjoy The Crew.

lolkats says:

:/ To each their own. I’m just disgusted at the fact Ubisoft is forcing uPlay down peoples’ throats.

Anon says:

Aside from the fact that it kinda dies anytime a game comes out and it has a tendency to lose save files, I don’t mind it. I’ve never encountered either of those two issues personally and they streamlined the launching process so if you’re running a game from Steam (and Uplay doesn’t happen to need an update) it’ll take five seconds to start up and then load your game without any further input. I don’t see myself ever buying games directly on the Uplay store, but I wouldn’t avoid owning something just because it requires Uplay either. These days it manages not to suck too much most of the time.

jimmy says:

Hagure Yuusha no Asthetica was so fucking bad.

Kamica says:

It had peeing girls so it wasn’t quite that bad.

Kuroiryuu says:

Such a giving Sage. Feeding the hungry thru blowjobs.

Period says:

pls Far Cry 4.

btw how do I cash in my courtesy blowjob coupon?

Kamoriver says:

Well, let’s see.

But I already hereby waive the blowjob one.

Dark_Sage says:

I mean, it’s not actually an *option*…

Kamoriver says:

At least you only said we’ll have to provide it and not that we ourselves actually have to do it.

So, looking from that point of view, it may not be so bad. I mean, my neighbor have a very noisy pit bull that I’m not much fond of, so I guess that if I win, I could, erhm, let’s say, arrange a meeting between you two. *evil grin*

Of course that it could be more of a bitejob than a blowjob and that in the end you could end up not being a man anymore, but that’s all part of the game, huh?

DarAR92 says:

I’d like option 3.

The_Pretender says:

Merry Xmas, Dark_Sage (tho it’s little late) and happy New Year(in advance)! I’m looking forward to your reviews for the winter(2015) season, because the reviews for fall (2014) weren’t enough. I wanted to learn more about proper english and how to use it from here. The previous seasons I had fun reading all the fights, but that wasn’t the case for the fall. Looking forward to that, too!

Switches says:

I’ll join in the fun. I deserve something because I met Dark Sage in the flesh twice in my whole life! He is so handsome to the point where he looks like your typical IT guy from IBM.

Heck, I still have that picture of me and him on my phone!

WARNING! If I don’t win something, I shall release that pic on the internet and spam it on 4chan! :P

Dark_Sage says:

Yeah, you’re disq’d.

Switches says:

What no! Don’t disqualify me! I thought we were FRIENDS?? ;_;

Dark_Sage says:

Take back the IBM comment. #feelingshurt

Anon says:

It’s pretty rude to make D_S feeling shurt

atikabubu says:

I’ll take that Unity from you D_S, so you won’t be tempted to install that shit.

somewhatAnonymous says:

My mail is valid, yes?

Dark_Sage says:

Should be.

Eelz says:

Comment is posted,
hope standing on a high box,
waiting for the boot.

rarely_upset says:

If I win can I get an autographed copy of that Marth drawing

Dark_Sage says:

While I’m not the artist, the answer is yes.

Humanity says:

Glad you are doing something for Crymore Christmas after all

MegaPear says:

Super kawaii raffle dark_sage-chan

raest says:

Rolling for aesthetica cause terrible shows are hilarious.

PP says:

Should totally give something to Kristen too, poor guy, it has been a rough year.

Calyrica says:

Just give me Estetica. You gave Koku and I so much free shit at CryCon. WHY NOT THIS TOO?

Dark_Sage says:

More like Estitica, amirite?

…I’m right.

Calyrica says:

It’s an internet comment. Relax.

Vagoo says:

Don’t want any of this shit, but can’t resist a raffle

complete_fatass says:

is option x real?
haven’t had any luck with the raffles i’ve done for blowjobs

Mitsukai says:

A whole 30%? I’d say the odds are relatively well in your favor.

blarphengärd says:

I think I’ve posted here one time. Does that count?

Dark_Sage says:

Sure does.

blarphengärd says:

Woo! Option 1 for me… (scalping amiibo is mean, but I’d still do it.)

HyakuPercent says:

Looks like it was the right idea to check up on this place once in a while. I’ll enter for the amiibos! Although I can’t use them yet, I’m just going to think of it as a future investment~

Drong says:

Will you sign stuff?

Dark_Sage says:

With bodily fluids, yes.

Anon says:

So I’ve been posting for a while here now, but I’ve always been too lazy to use a real email address. Will that be a problem as far as verification?

Dark_Sage says:

Your IP’s static so whatever else you post with here will be tied to your Anon “account”.

Anon says:

Well alright then, consider me entered. An Amiibo or the Crew sounds pretty sweet.

qwe2 says:

Gimme stuffz

Jing says:

Take me off the list

Dark_Sage says:


Kiraly says:

Posting for that Marth amiibo.

(Does the blowjob coupon also include airfare to the US?)

Anon says:

Fuck I have to use one of my real e-mails now.

>all these other Anons

Dark_Sage says:

All right, raffle close is when I post my collection. So ETA a few hours.

Don’t wanna jinx it, but this has gone pretty well so far. \o/

Dark_Sage says:

Raffle end. Shit, that went really well.

All right, I’ll do the drawings tomorrow. I’ll try and find some way to livestream it so those of y’all concerned about Sagey shenanigans can rest easy.

Good luck, desu.

Dark_Sage says:

78 qualifying entries, I’ll start the drawing at 11 PM US Eastern Time and have a link to the stream shortly before then.

You don’t need to attend the stream to win; I’ll be sending notices out via email. This is just if you wanna audit the drawing (which I think is fair) or watch me fail at RNG.

Dark_Sage says:

And over with. I hate Twitch.

First pick: Qrius
Second pick: begna112
Third pick: DiGGzBoT
Fourth pick: animegio
Gomenz @ you pick: somewhatAnonymous

78 entries, five winners, so most of you were fated to lose anyway. Blame the gods, not my cheap contest. (I’d give you all prizes, but I don’t have the fansub donation money to blow like some others do.)

The raffle was pretty much intended as a test run, and I think the concept worked. So… expect a notably better raffle (quality and quantity of prizes) next time. Emails shalt go out soon. If winrars don’t reply within, I dunno, 24 hours, I’ll redraw for that pick, but you should probably resign yourself to your fate.

BlackDragonHunt says:

Chance at free stuff? Why not.

Darkseid says:

gimme free stuffz :P.

Bicycles says:

Damn, too late.

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