Another failure of a script, another original translation. Funny how that works. (I’m not blaming the TL for this one though because the script is completely salvageable.)
Table of Contents
Release format: MKV (323 MB, 10-bit)
Japanesiness: No honorifics.
English style: American English.
Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/pTqQz5eR
Speed: Quick (<48 hours)
Group website: http://commiesubs.com/
IRC channel: #[email protected]
SubCompare screenshot comparisons: http://www.subcompare.com/to_love-ru_darkness/
Commie’s fansub reviews: http://notredrevie.ws/autumn-2012-reviews/#tlrd
Opening. I loved this. Constant color shifting, nice font. Good all around.
Ending. The karaoke changed positions depending on who was singing at that point, which was a pretty good way to alleviate the boredom from an ED with static images and only one dominant color. At one point in the karaoke the word “stuff” started spinning as the singer held the note, which was enjoyable as well.
I’m sure it is will be.
None of the background speech is translated.
Two mistakes in this sequence. First, you can’t comma into a new sentence like Commie does here from screen 2 to screen 3.
Second, screen 2 should be “That may be true.” because “have been” implies that while it may have been true once, it isn’t true at this point in time… but since they’re talking about an event that occurred in the past, that doesn’t make any sense at all.
She’s repeating what the blondie said on screen 3 of the previous sequence, so this should be “You should have relied on your friends?”
You can’t change up the verb conjugation when you’re fucking parroting what someone just said.
More like “originally created”.
Now I know that you probably don’t like this show, but that doesn’t mean your brain needs to shut down when you’re editing it. Fuck, you don’t even need context for most of these mistakes; a script edit would iron them out.
Either change “want” into “wanted” or remove “would”. That way the tenses will match. This is very basic fucking English here.
Why is there a comma there?! Fucking hell.
No, Commie, you worthless sacks of meat and fail. This is not how you English.
“but we always make up pretty quickly.”
>from the start
But you repeat yourselves, sirs.
I think you dropped this (> ‘_’)>.
Did I stumble onto a special ed class’s final project or something?
you’d -> you’ll
What much? What is this?
“If even Yami was able to change that much,”
This is not on the screen for nearly long enough.
You’re dropping commas like IQ points, Commie (> ‘_’)>,
You already have.
I’m getting a little tired of your shit, Commie (> ‘_’)>.
This hurts to read.
Context: Two guys are speaking. The first one says line one, the second: line two.
The second line needs to be a generic, throwaway passive response. “Seriously” indicates repetition of the previous line, which is NOT what’s happening here. If the response ends up being a question, it should only be rhetorical. I’d go with something like “That sucks.” though.
And the first one needs to do something about that fucking double space.
I think you’ll need this in between “eye” and “it’ll”. (> ‘_’)>,
A knife between your eyebrows would also be suitable.
I thinks so.
So the entire race turns into Run/Ren when she sneezes. Expert translation, Commie.
Fucking hell, Commie. Are all of your mirrors the funhouse variety? The word she’s copying is “eloped”, not “elope”.
Terrible comma splicing.
You deserve to have your genitals removed with a rusty knife as your legs take an acid bath and your eyes are removed with tweezers.
Here, have a period (> ‘_’)>.
Watchability: Not altogether watchable.
Visual grade: B+
Script grade: F
Overall grade: D-
Even if the errors I mentioned didn’t exist, this would still be a very dull, unenjoyable script. The visuals were kawaii enough to push the release into D-tier area, but the karaoke isn’t good enough for anyone to have sufficient justification for downloading this release. Avoid this release and find a group that can actually handle their shit.