I had planned to get this out yesterday, but my “quick nap” turned into 14 hours. As for what I was doing these past two weeks? Scooby Doo marathon. You know it in your heart to be true.
Table of Contents
Release format: MKV (269 MB, 10-bit)
English style: American English.
Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/5UtxWKPa
Speed: Quick (<48 hours)
Translation style: Original TL.
Group website: http://damedesuyo.us/
IRC channel: #[email protected]
Opening. Not sure what brought them to blue. Not that I have anything against it; shit works as a solid, standard kara for the OP.
Ending. This doesn’t really match, but I’ll give you points for trying. Also, overalls don’t even play nice with my nipples, so I can’t imagine it’s working out nicely for Hozuki here either.
OP typesetting. I’ll throw some bonus points into the visual grade for this, just cuz there’s not much else to critique on that front.
Other typesetting. Not sure what you want me to say; this show is light on signs.
For realsies? DDY, last I checked you weren’t the group with the kids who couldn’t even hack it at community college.
Tone down the Marxism and go with what FFF had: “Everyone has an equal right to live.”
Oh god, even that’s too anti-American. Time to order from Pizza Hut and stiff the delivery guy to balance out the universe.
DDY, if you wanna know what the biggest problem is with this release, it’s that the logic does not check out. This line makes no sense within the context of the show, and even self-contained, it’s wrong.
What you have here is “It’s bad to steal if you’re on the wanted list”. That’s the sentiment you’re trying to carry across. Unfortunately, that’s not really a sentiment that would be expressed in reality. Obviously, similar sentiments (like “We’re in enough trouble already”) wouldn’t be too far out there, but how you phrased it is disconcerting.
Try, “Even if we’re already on the wanted list, isn’t it still a bad idea to steal medicine?”
The verbiage you wanted was “under my control”.
FFF put it nicely with “Your role is finished.”
I’d appreciate it if you would refrain from using use steel-toed boots when you’re kicking English in the balls. Fuck, I’ve seen better writing on doctor’s notes.
“Not bad for a rich brat.”
You could color the language beyond my suggestion if this guy were a better character and this series were a better show.
Essential for what? You guys can’t just leave lines half-finished and expect your viewers to fill in the blanks. They can, and they will, but you’re giving them a worse experience in the end.
People don’t use “flashy” to describe people the way you want.
Just easy mode this with a “flashy guy” -> “weirdo” switch. Or reword “flashy” into something else you think is kawaii no desu.
wanted -> decided
Cuz, y’know, they actually fucking started following him at that point.
FFF had something similar with “We wanted to follow him.” And actually I’m not going to complain about that line in their release because it works fine in that context. “We decided to want” isn’t a sentiment that works well here.
That last line falls apart. Go with “But you know I don’t like powdered medicine.” or something. Really, anything but what you have there. “I don’t like powder” isn’t a sufficient statement.
Visual grade: B
Script grade: C
Overall grade: C+
DDY, you can be decent when you try. Hope to see more of this in 2014.
Just work on making sure your shit makes sense before you shove it out the door.