Sorry about the recent lack of content, reader-tachi-kuns. Hopefully I can make it up to you with this thorough review of a game I spent $4.25 and 30 minutes on.
Game: Some piece of shit. I dunno, read the title or look at the above image
Review rig: i7-5820k, 16GB Ramz, GTX 970, three USB 2.0 ports
MSRP: $4.99, but I got it for a 15% discount, bitches! #thugdeals
There comes a point in every human’s life when they’ve drunk enough liver killer to feel so bad about not finishing Dance in the Vampire Bund that they desperately search the Steam store for any possible remedy for the guilt.
Mine was an hour ago.
Setting up the game, I have to admit my hopes were raised a bit high, as I was only given one option for quality.
Making the statement that your game cannot look anything other than fantastic takes a lot of cojones (or, in Japanese, mochi), and I was impressed enough by the dev’s faith in their product to hit the Play button.
I’ll spare you the 10 whole screens that set the story up and give it to you straight.
The king and queen of vampireland invite some Harry Potter chick to their vampire ball and end up pissing her off to the point that she turns everyone into stone.
You play as their garlic-loving daughter who sets out to rescue them from their curse by sacrificing the game player’s time on the altar of sub-mediocrity.
I know I made the game sound interesting, but it’s totally not.
The game sets you up with a menu that has no explanation, leading you to click around in hopes of figuring out what you’re supposed to do.
Unfortunately, once you manage to decode how to actually start the game, you’re in for the worst part — actually playing the damn thing.
At first, Final Dusk seems reasonable. You basically have to use objects in each level to cover up the light sources so that Mina can acquire garlic and reach the end of the level.
But by the fifth level or so, you come to the sinking realization that every level is a carbon-copy of the last one, only more tedious and soul-crushing to artificially drag the completion time out.
Eventually, your main goal becomes getting enough garlic that you can unlock the next dungeon and beat the game with only a few hours of your life lost.
So as you come across tedious “feature” after “feature”…
…you come to the grim realization that this game doesn’t intend to let you leave with your sanity intact.
The best solution, then, is one I’m sure you’ve already puzzled out.
Cut all ties and never look back.
This is a bad anime game. If you end up buying it, reverse time and don’t.