Fall 2015 Anime Opinions – Episode 04/05: My Writing’s So Hot You’d Swear I Photoshopped It

This post was written by Dark_Sage. He is Dark_Sage.


Let’s pretend the reason for this double feature isn’t laziness.



Lance N’ Masques

>Not Makio post-timeskip.
>Not Makio post-timeskip.

>Nonsensical off-screen arc resolution that negates everything that happened in the prior episodes.
>Nonsensical off-screen arc resolution that negates everything that happened in the prior episodes.

I’m out. glhf.



Taimadou Gakuen 35 Shiken Shoutai


Relationships? In my all-girls-must-be-egoless-virgins-whose-only-purpose-in-life-is-to-fulfill-the-numerous-voids-in-my-life shounen power fantasy?

Well, really, I’m more disgusted by the anime’s sidelining of yandere-kun. The odds that he gets to do anything interesting are about the same as the likelihood of me continuing to watch this show after dropping it.

You’re welcome, girl-whose-name-I-don’t-remember-and-never-will.




For the purposes of fairness, I decided to get blitzed before watching Osomatsu-san episodes 4 and 5. This is the ideal condition for Osomatsu to actually be entertaining, and I promised myself I wouldn’t drop it if it managed to eke even a smile out of me.

I think you can guess the result of that little chemical experiment.

"Pears are good" is not an acceptable punchline.
“Pears are good” is not a punchline.

Look, I understand it’s hip to find foreign comedy funny — it means you’re worldly or some shit if you’re capable of laughing to thought-blinding cues like a trained dolphin. But anime is not funny. Anime has not been funny since Full Metal Panic Fumoffu. And anime will likely never be funny again.

…well, at least until Azumanga Daioh gets rebooted, or I ever bother to check out Gintama. Or… You know what, just ignore this last line — the other ending was better.





Comet Lucifer


This is an adventure series stuck in a sitcom’s world.

Why? Because you can’t swim?

Every instance of blistering stupidity would easily pass for some metaphoric gibberish around the value of life and friendship if each episode took place in a zany new area. But when you have everything set in an imagination-depressing, ever-too-familiar environment, it instead becomes a comical exhibition of writer incompetency.

Show me someone who didn't cringe at this part and I'll show you a lizard person.
Show me someone who didn’t cringe at this part and I’ll show you a poorly disguised lizard person.

Continuing on, I still blame Bones for everything that comes out of this shitshow. Is it fair? Not particularly, but neither is the existence of Comet Lucifer. Let’s just consider this one even.



Owari no Seraph S2

He badmouthed Krul Tepes (a good vampire!) and let his bodyguard die (so cruel!) so you know this guy's a baddie and it's okay to root for his death.
He badmouthed Krul Tepes (a good vampire!) and let his bodyguard die (so cruel!) so you know this guy’s a baddie and it’s okay to want him dead.

Even Sesame Street has higher expectations for its audience than Seraph. This is the most cookie-cutter, least inspired shounen I’ve had the misery of subjecting my brain cells to since Hitman Reborn (can’t believe I used to fansub that shit — fuck you, Teen_Sage).

Probably not, cuz they need to create some drama, and good guys can only get killed off offscreen in this anime so how else is there gonna be tension for our intrepid heroes?
Probably not, cuz they need to create some drama, and good guys can only get killed off offscreen in this anime so how else is there gonna be tension for our intrepid heroes?

Oh welp, looks like I was right.
Oh welp, looks like I was right.

Not one goddamn thing in the series is new, yet every scene feels like the writers are figuring it out as they go. Like, they’re taking trips to the trope basket and hoping the next one they pull out will save the series from the mediocrities of their own worthless lives.

Hasn’t worked yet guys. And likely never will. But hey, at least you’re probably gonna get a third season, so take the checks and laugh all the way back to your one-room apartments.





Gakusen Toshi Asterisk

Calm down there, Jared.
Calm down there, Jared.

Ignoring the rest of the show, I guess the ending of episode 5 was pretty cool. The wimpy damsel in distress was forced to fight Mr. Morals to retain her indentured servitude to her uncle. And she wins, saving her position as oji-san’s bottom bitch? Yeah, I can be down with that.

Rank #1 in sucking her uncle's dick! Yeah1!!
Rank #1… in sucking her uncle’s dick! Yeah1!!

Much like Subete, the best thing about it comes from a little girl flossing every night with her uncle’s pubes. And that’s really the only thing you should take away from Gakusen.



Noragami Aragoto

My face during every "emotional" moment.
My face during every “emotional” moment.

How long can a show go on where the only conflict comes from logic-defying misunderstandings? Seriously, come up with a Noragami character whose motivation for not just jerking off everyone and everything doesn’t come from some poorly managed game of telephone?

All’s I can say is I hope it ain’t gonna last past this season.



K – Return of Kings

The Kool Kids

I’m not dropping it, but I probably should. ~_~



Subete ga F ni Naru


As much as it tries to be le deep, Subete is only enjoyable in spite of itself. Every step it made away from the first episode’s office was a step toward ever more self-indulgent, navel-gazing bullshit.

Deep discussion requires a crucible, sure. And a murder is certainly the kinda thing that would lend itself to discussions around humanity or whatever the fuck. But chaining a deep discussion to an uninspired closed-room murder mystery is a risk that was never going to pay off for the show.

god damn

Conversation never feels like it flows naturally and its contrivance is even more insultingly blatant than a Sorkin script. While this would be forgivable if the discussion was intriguing, the themes addressed never even approach the realm of intelligence.


This would be a respectable thought if it wasn’t limited to children. I mean, shit, is anyone a fucking monolith? How is anyone supposed to have even a shred of intellectual respect for the argument?

Despite each episode consisting of about 20 minutes of an incompetent writer’s futile wanking, the flashbacks to Shiki’s uncle fucking make the show tolerable. Without them, I’d honestly peg this as a 5/10.

That's still good for a few more rounds though, right?




Yandere without the dere

This show would be unwatchable without the fap material. But thankfully this Sam’s Club tub of lotion ain’t going unused. Stay mad, Sakurako.



Top 5 6 Whatever


One-Punch Man


While entertaining, OPM does nothing and says nothing. However good the animation is, that does not in and of itself justify OPM’s use of the medium. Why would I want to watch the series as opposed to just reading the manga?

I mean, “because you run an anime blog, not a manga blog” is an answer, but that’s kind of a dick technicality to catch me on.

No worries, fellow self-determined critics, I’m still rating this amongst the “good stuff”.



Utawarerumono – Itsuwari no Kamen

MRW Everything

Man, I haven’t had this much fun with anime since hitting puberty and watching Elfen Lied.

…well, I have, but the whole point of these posts is to use enough hyperbole to disguise the inescapable apathy that comes with any long-run writing endeavor.

Have an anime face.
Here’s an anime face.



Mobile Suit Gundam – Iron-Blooded Orphans

le evil stache

Just short of brilliance in these past few episodes, I’m a bit glad I wasn’t as bullish on this show as I wanted to be. Granted, it’s still the best show this season that doesn’t cause massive amounts of blood mobilization, but its reliance on genre tropes is starting to wear thin.

Can we go back to the IBO that unflinchingly killed off a badass war veteran? The IBO that didn’t care about waves and waves of children on a battlefield dying without cause? They say boys be ambitious, so show me some goddamn ambition, please. I need to justify my fandom. ;_;



Valkyrie Drive ~Mermaid~

Femdom for the windom

Best girl has inverted nipples. Ain’t saying I’ve discovered a new fetish, but hot damn do I think I’ve rediscovered one.

The image doesn't really fit, but c'mon, don't tell me you weren't hype as fuck for this part.
The image doesn’t really fit as an ending to the post, but c’mon, don’t tell me you weren’t hype as fuck when the faucet leaked.





so rekt

Links go direct to each associated review post.


Anime Episode 01 Episode 02 Episode 03 Episode 04 Episode 05
Attack on Titan Junior High 6 Dropped N/A N/A N/A
Brave Beats Dropped N/A N/A N/A N/A
Comet Lucifer 6 8 7 6 6
Concrete Revolutio 5 3 Dropped N/A N/A
Dance with Devils 6 Dropped N/A N/A N/A
Gakusen Toshi Asterisk 6 6 5 6 7
Heavy Object 7 6 Dropped N/A N/A
High School Star Musical Dropped N/A N/A N/A N/A
K – Return of Kings 7 7 7 7 7
Lance N Masques 9 9 7 Dropped N/A
Mobile Suit Gundam – Iron-Blooded Orphans 7 9 9 9 9
Noragami Aragoto 7 7 7 7 7
One-Punch Man 8 8 8 8 8
Osomatsu-san 8 7 6 6 Dropped
Owari no Seraph S2 7 6 6 6 6
Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry Dropped N/A N/A N/A N/A
Sakurako-san 9 8 8 7 7
Shomin Sample Dropped N/A N/A N/A N/A
Subete ga F ni Naru 9 9 8 7 7
Taimadou Gakuen 35 Shiken Shoutai 4 5 4 Dropped N/A
Utawarerumono – Itsuwari no Kamen 8 8 8 8 8
Valkyrie Drive -Mermaid- 10 10 10 10 10
Young Black Jack 7 5 Dropped N/A N/A


As a reminder, the scores are NOT individual episodic ratings, but are rather based on my impression of the series by that point. Cuz, y’know, episodic ratings suck and fuck everyone who does those.

11 thoughts on “Fall 2015 Anime Opinions – Episode 04/05: My Writing’s So Hot You’d Swear I Photoshopped It”

  1. Still waiting on some plot/character development in Utawarerumono. You can’t just introduced a new character/s every ep with no development. And the where are the Fluffy tails? The thin cat tails do nothing for me. (I still love you Karura.)
    Well at least there’s Valkyrie Drive full of “Talented” women. (ooooh old school SM reference)

      • It’d be better if they showed how fucked up the kids would be from being in combat. Every show seems to have the kids go on like combat was just a sports meet. (the ones that try are rare)
        Also, there needs to be more, “hero” hesitates to kill, gets killed because of it. (it takes a lot of work make sure soldiers pull the trigger, and even then some don’t)

        • If this were 12 episodes I’d be worried, but the characters are so broken that I can’t imagine the bad-idea chickens won’t come home to roost. Kudelia is cringe-inducingly naive, Orga’s practically suicidal, and Mika throws up death flags every time he breathes.

          Either the writers are blindly incompetent, or this is a carefully constructed tragedy that will pay off dividends for anyone willing to give it a shot. And I’m willing to take a risk on this rather than dismissing it outright (mainly cuz there ain’t much else this season worth pulling for).


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