Also called Kotonoha no Niwa. UPDATED
BIG FAT EDIT GOES HERE YO.
I demuxed Commie’s script (or rather grabbed it off AnimeTosho) and the scene that was missing subtitles for me was in fact in the script. I’m not sure what the issue could have been, but Commie DID NOT skip any scenes.
We have four groups contending today. Others have released this short movie, but I’m focusing only on the groups that put out a 720p release. If you just want a recommendation, that’s at the very end. Otherwise, I’ll do a review of the first 20 minutes (the June section) + ending song for each group, as that would be the normal content for an episode review.
Also, just a note for the filesizes here. I’m on a Mac, which rounds differently in converting between kb/mb/gb, so the numbers will be slightly different for you Windows users. However, it still stands that Commie’s is the smallest and CoalGirls is the biggest.
And can I just fangirl for a moment about how beautiful this short film is? I don’t even care about the plot at this point.
Filesize: 1.91gb (720p)
English: American, no honorifics
Are you… Are you serious? You’re going to just treat this as dialogue even though it’s a song? Really?
Also, the line here is a bit awkwardly phrased, but the rest of the song is not nearly as bad. I’d have done:
You’re strong enough that my unchanging heart doesn’t cause you pain.
But that’s probably editor’s discretion.
Title screen was pretty plain, to be honest. A fancier font could probably have been picked.
Sign on the left is pretty standard, and the sign on the right is completely missing. But that’s not a surprise since…
More missing signs! The poem is missing in all of the releases, though, so I suppose I can’t hold it against them. The forms make me laugh, though. You couldn’t even style that? Really?
This is the worst, though. That styling doesn’t even fit in with the phone screen. Lazy mode + bad styling? Just no.
Oh, boy. Lots of screenshots here. Unfortunately, most of the groups here had some of these errors, since they all used the same base translation and didn’t bother to fix all of them. However, CoalGirls didn’t seem to fix any of them.
Okay, Commie seemed to be able to handle this, but CoalGirls and Doki didn’t. You know what naphthalene is? Moth balls. That’s right. I know what a fucking moth ball is. I don’t want to have to pause the video to go look up what naphthalene is, though!
Doki had this issue, too. I guess “exit” is a verb, but this sounds terrible.
I walked through the station gates or I walked past the station gates or something besides “exit out”.
You don’t need a comma here. (This was fixed in the other two releases.)
Don’t put a comma after a conjunction. The conjunction itself acts as a pause. Would you say:
This is my first time here, but, I think I’ve seen her somewhere…
No! So why would you put the comma here? This is a pet peeve of mine. (This was fixed in the other two releases.)
Each group handled the tanka differently. CoalGirls and Doki kept in the Japanese at the top, which I didn’t really feel was necessary.
This is minor, and all three groups did it, but I thought I’d mention it here. Poetry in general does not conform to standard punctuation rules. However, poetry is also all printed on one page, so you know when a thought ends and another begins. That’s not the case with subtitles. Without ending punctuation of any kind on each line, I don’t know if the thought’s over or if I need to carry the line forward to the next. I’d advocate putting semicolons on the end of each line except the one that requires a question mark. Except Doki didn’t even put the question mark in, so…
Numbers under ten and multiples of ten are spelled out. This should be “five”. (This was fixed in the other two releases.)
Okay, so I’m being picky here. It’s obvious to me which connotation of “ran out” this conversation is meaning, but in general, the brothers don’t use a lot of words to converse. I’d have picked something a bit more definite like, “Left.” or “Not here.” or something. (I think the other two groups had this same issue.)
I think you accidentally a word here. (This was fixed in the other releases.)
Commie had this issue, too. I don’t think Doki did, though. Anyway, this is a beef I have often in subs. Everyone and their mothers wants to translate “ja” to “Well then.” Okay, fine. But if you do that, punctuate it correctly.
Let’s think about what’s going on here. She’s saying “Well,” and then moving on to another thought: “then I’m gonna go live with my boyfriend!” Which means you put a comma after “well”.
Usually, though, people put the comma after “then”. There are two ways in which the word “then” is used at the beginning of a clause:
“If it rains, then I’m gonna need an umbrella.” Here, “then” acts as a conjunction connecting the two thoughts and begins the independent clause.
“First, it will rain. Then, you grab an umbrella.” Here, “then” acts as an ordering word. This usage is usually only seen in how-to articles.
So which way are we using “then” here? Well, we’re not listing steps for how to do something, so the second way is out. Therefore, it’s the first. Indeed, everything following “then” is an independent clause, and “then” is joining “Well” with that independent clause. Thus, no comma after “then”, but a comma after “Well”.
But I’m really just getting ticked here because there’s no comma anywhere in that sentence.
If you use the apostrophe like this, you don’t spell out suppose entirely. I think it’s like ‘spose so or something. I don’t like using this myself, since starting a line with a lowercase letter is messed up in my opinion. I’d do like “Guess so.” to give the same vibe but not have the issue.
Missing a comma after myself. (Can’t remember if this was in the other groups or not.)
All three groups had this line, and it’s not really a mistake. It’s just that this line could be taken multiple ways. It could be taken “Drinking alone” as in she’s drinking by herself – which she probably did before MC-kun showed up, so it’s a valid interpretation. It could also be taken as that she’s drinking without eating anything, which is what he really means. I’d phrase it “Drinking on an empty stomach…” or something like that.
Extra comma. (Fixed in the other two releases.)
Um, this isn’t a sentence. It’s directly connected to the previous line. The line before should have had a comma, and this should have started with a lowercase letter. (This was fixed in the other two releases.)
Needs a comma after “to me”. (Only Commie fixed this.)
I know the rule of colons is lame, but I didn’t write the grammar guidebook. You just have to adhere to the rule that following a colon, you use a lowercase letter. Sorry. (Only Commie fixed this.)
Overall thoughts: Shitty karaoke (if it can be called karaoke), shitty typesetting (in the few cases they typeset anything), and no fixing of issues in the script. Add the fact that they have the biggest filesize to to the bunch, and you get a release that really doesn’t warrant downloading at all.
Filesize: 1.45gb (720p)
English: American, no honorifics
Very simple. I don’t think the yellow outline works after these few lines, as the background animation cycles through the seasons, and it sometimes clashes a bit or blends in with the colors. Same bad line here as with CoalGirls.
At first I was like, “You can make that font a bit more fancy, can’t you?” But then I was like, “Wow, that fade out is cool!” and so I forgive them.
Only group who put the month on top. I think I prefer it this way.
The sign on the left was done by the company. Lazy mode on the right much? But at least it matches.
Just like I expected, left sign wasn’t typeset, and right sign only had the title of the form. At least they tried, though! What they did looks nice.
A lot of signs weren’t typeset, just like in the CoalGirls version. Not gonna repeat screenshots just for that.
They used the same base translation as CoalGirls, so many of these mistakes are similar, since they were in the source (like the “drinking beer alone” vagueness). I have repeated some of the screenshots just to show that the errors exist, and they’re also some of the more severe ones.
Styling was generally good, but the margins were very tiny.
First, this is how Commie dealt with the poem. At least it’s not a mess like CoalGirls or Doki. However, I do have the same issue with punctuation.
Think about this for a moment: “This morning” “has declared”.
Get rid of the “has” and you’re fine.
All three groups had this, actually. Prefectures can’t expect anything, since they’re inanimate.
Missing a comma after “yourself”. You managed the comma after “freak”, so was it really that hard?
The subs didn’t display here for me, but they do exist, sorry!
Overall thoughts: Mediocre kara, lots of missing typesetting, fairly decent script with a few mistakes that were common to all groups.
Filesize: 1.64gb (720p)
English: British, no honorifics
Doki usually does honorifics, or they have in the past, so I have nfi why they localized them other than because they were too lazy to change them all. I don’t blame them, really.
Doki has two styles for karaoke: their OP style, which is more cursive, and their ED style. This is their ED style. Yes, it’s plain. No, it doesn’t fit.
I did like what Doki did when the sign came on the screen. However, I like Commie’s fade out effect better.
Sign on the left is the same as Coalgirls, and no one bothered to do the sign on the right.
Doki’s the only group that typeset the letter. Hallelujah! Thank you, Doki!
There are issues with the sign on the right. At first, it looks like they didn’t match the colors at all. However, there was a shadow that was cast over the text, which moved. The styling matched the darker color from the shadow, but no longer matches. This is why you watch your signs to make sure everything’s not completely static. ;-)
I really really really like this. They typeset everything and it looks fantastic.
They used the same base translation as CoalGirls and Commie, so many of these mistakes are similar, since they were in the source (like the “drinking beer alone” vagueness). I have repeated some of the screenshots just to show that the errors exist, and they’re also some of the more severe ones.
As far as the styling, they did really weird things with the outline for the dialogue. It’s blue for normal text and red for thoughts. Since thoughts are also italicized, I really don’t see why the border has to change so much, too, especially when the movie is mostly cool colors. It really stands out, and not in a good way.
I think you accidentally a word here, and that word is “like”. Also, isn’t that styling atrocious?
Here’s Doki’s poem. No capitalization, not even a question mark, let alone punctuation. By far the worst handling of this scene.
This happened a lot in Doki’s script, and it drove me up a wall. I don’t mind their obsession with ellipses. However, when the line calls for a comma, put a fucking comma there instead.
I believe this is British quotation/comma rules, but it looks like shit. Put a comma after thought and before the quotation mark instead of after.
Props to Doki for actually mentioning in the script that these guys are brothers. The other two releases stopped the line with “Hey!”
Unlike Commie, they translated this scene, too.
Overall thoughts: While they fixed some of the script issues that were in the source, they added a lot, too. Their typesetting was a lot more complete than the other groups, but the karaoke was shit.
Filesize: 1.73gb (720p)
English: American, no honorifics
Their distro was so shit that the torrent only went at 3kb/s most of the time. Sorry. No one’s gonna grab that.
The reason why so much downloaded is that I let it go overnight, and it must have hit some speed bursts.
WhyNot’s not even a contender here since I couldn’t manage to get their release.
Commie fixed the most script issues. Doki added even more from the original because of their ellipses. Script alone, Commie definitely won.
Doki did the most typesetting, and nearly all of it looked good, but Commie won the title screen. Visually, Doki came out on top.
No one did decent karaoke. They all sucked.
I’d say go with Commie overall, and if you want a ranking, Commie > Doki > CoalGirls, but I’m not happy with any of the offerings there.