Phones are sort of like anime fans — no matter how bad you think they are now, they’re only going to get worse.
If you remember how much I hated the S4, I thought it’d be a good idea to get away from it as soon as possible with an upgrade to the S5.
Holy shit was that a bad call.
S4 on the left, S5 on the right. If you wanna look for what to compare, look at the colors/sharpness on the Eva clock widget.
The visuals are worse because while they expanded the size of the screen, you still have the same amount of pixels, so everything’s garishly stretched. And for some reason, the top part of the screen is now invisible. Huzzah!
It feels like you’re holding a brick, and whenever you place the phone down on something and try to pick it up, you can hear the camera scrape against the surface. Hell, in order to even navigate the damn thing with one hand, you have to change to a specific one-handed navigation mode that makes you feel like you’re even dumber than iPhone users.
Google just keeps getting more and more stalkery, to the point where you can’t get anything done without letting it know all of your goddamn business. Wanna get emails from multiple accounts on your device? Better sync ’em all up so Google can build a better profile on you. Wanna even get past the startup screen? Without a Google account, your device is just gonna be a shitty frisbee.
By the time the S6 hits, if it doesn’t require you to sign in with your Google+ account (now with mandatory social security number validation) then someone at the injustice league fucked up.
Charging it is a bitch, because you have to open a slot at the bottom of the phone to do it each time you want to access the charger. And holding the phone with the charger in it gives the phone a heft that makes you feel like it’s gonna flip out of your goddamn hands. And unless you’re a cute anime maid, that’s not a good thing.
The menu button has been replaced by a second back button. I do not fucking know why.
About the only thing the S5 performs objectively better at than the S4 is taking pictures.
Pictures of my Evangelion headset, taken with my S4:
Pictures of my Evangelion headset, taken with my S5:
The pictures don’t lie; there’s a pretty noticeable difference in quality. Definitely something to take into consideration, since the new device is only a paltry $700.
Final score: Like anyone actually gives a shit about the functionality of a status symbol/10.