Geez, Commie, I hope your editor washed his hands after taking a shit all over this script.
Table of Contents
Release format: MKV (242 MB, 10-bit)
Japanesiness: No honorifics.
English style: American English.
Encoding details: http://pastebin.com/PAhT1BFT
Speed: Quick (<48 hours)
Group website: http://commiesubs.com/
IRC channel: #[email protected]
Opening. They went with… pink that wasn’t the color of pink in the OP… Okay, sure, whatever. Then try picking a color that doesn’t give me a fucking headache when reading it. They made the OP’s credits dark for a reason, dipshits.
Ending. There was absolutely no thematic basis behind the coloring and the font. Nor was it even placed well. Laziness crossed with incompetence is not a good combination.
The typesetting is generally fine, but you’d think they’d standardize how they handle those arrow signs.
They weren’t on a speed date, Commie.
That’s generally what the idiom means, yes. This is the equivalent of saying “Don’t count your chickens before they hatch. You shouldn’t plan on something good happening before it’s happened because there’s always the chance that it won’t happen.”
“Anyway” would make sense as a transition if they weren’t already talking about Sayo. Since they were, it’s out of place.
“Geez, Sayo sure is taking her time.” would work better.
this is your you
Sage advice™. Follow it. You’re welcome.
You’d have to use a very literal interpretation of “red-handed” for this to work.
Ichikawa took a picture and the picture got Sayo in trouble. It would be more accurate for this to be “Ichikawa caught me red-handed with a picture.” Or you could just, y’know, stop trying to use one of the five of the idioms you kinda sorta know and go with something else. That’s also an option.
These don’t match. Please tell me you were only pretending, Commie. Please. ;_;
“Wish”? Why would you use that word? Her being an oujo-sama doesn’t mean she’s going to use out-of-place words. Rather, it would be the opposite; she’s supposed to speak properly.
Change it to “sincerely desire” or something that would fit how you’ve characterized her so far. I’d personally skip this line in favor of other characterization opportunities and use a “really want” here.
Did you know? “Did you know?” does not work as a full sentence in English — conversational or otherwise.
You’re not emphasizing your points with writing like this; you’re just being redundant.
That’s not what a motion is. You’re thinking of a campaign or something. A motion in this sense would be something she’d propose to the council (meaning the thoughts of the student body would be largely irrelevant, especially since her fellow council members are all with her on this).
Use a fucking semicolon instead of a period, then. I would also accept a comma even though that would technically be a comma splice.
“I get hungry; I eat. Cause and effect.”
“badly” can mean “much”, but it needs to be in a sentence where it can’t be interpreted otherwise. If you take “badly” as an adjective for how she’s crying, then it ruins the scene. And “If you cry that much,” isn’t even a good line. Try, “If you keep crying like that,”
You can’t even handle the burn right?
“I don’t think her glasses have anything to do with that.” is the sentence you need for the diss the script comments indicate you were so proud of.
That is what the idiom fucking means. Why are you doing this to me?
“officially going to decide” and “going to officially decide” don’t mean the same thing.
This is a very good example of the kind of English you’ll be forced to endure with this release.
1. Stilted. Phrasing. (Especially lines 3 and 4. )
2. Weird question-response management. (Lines 1 and 2. You’d want to use “C-Correct!”)
3. An inability to segue lines together. (Line 3 is the most out of place. A simple “was just” would have fixed it.)
4. Confused word use. (Line 4. FFF used “good-looking” which makes Makio’s entrance in the next frame more entertaining — since omigosh the boy was a girl! “Cool” does nothing.)
Oh Commie, who else would I talking about?
Why the fuck would you use the word “links”? Why would you even put the sentence in the situation where it would seem like a good idea to use that vocab word that you clearly don’t know how to use? Fucking hell, Commie v1.
“But none of us know any boys,”
Get it, guys? It’s funny because Commie is le joking around. They don’t take themselves too seriously, which means you can trust them to be cool kids who don’t play by no rules.
I bet you wanna be like them when you grow up. Sandwich artiste is a respectable position!
No no no.
It would be “I’d like it if you didn’t look down on me.” if anything. I’d rather rephrase this to “I’d rather you not underestimate me.”
That’s not a lunch box.
…What in the legitimate what?
That’s not the idiom. “the real deal” only works with the. Otherwise you’re referring to a bargain.
“Man, today was tiring.”
Commie, what is this? This script is fucked six ways from Sunday and it’s supposed to be one of your better ones. Did all your decent staff leave for Vivid or something?
I skipped a few episodes for this review. Please tell me this actually makes sense. I’m operating under the assumption it does, because the alternative is to lose all faith in humanity.
Visual grade: B-
Script grade: D+
Overall grade: C-
This script is just not good. I hope to the hope pope that I don’t have to recommend this shit to anyone. FFF and HorribleSubs… you’re the only ones left I can put any faith in. Try not to let me down.